Weak Tuesday

Dear diary, I have been busy with my family events and I haven't found time to write to you. But I am glad that I am free to write now and I have so many things to tell you.

Traveller sent me a text message sending her condolence to my family and I over the death of my brother. She sent it late because she just got the news. I invited her over to my house but I knew it was not easy for her cos she is in KL and it was a rush for her at an invitation at such short notice. After so long we have been separated, we are still friends although we hardly talk nowadays. She is a nice person and someone whom I can depend on but I do not know if she still lives up to my impression cos she and I are no longer together.

Thinking about traveller makes me go back to my olden days when I was actively travelling between KL and Singapore. I remember those friends I used to hang out with especially pink. Pink and I share some things between us. I am not sure if I ever loved her but I knew I was attracted to her. She is sweet and I can say pretty as well. Pink has always been the center of attraction among us. I tried to woo her but she turned me down, it was no surprise cos I have always thought of her as the social and flirty one among us. It is no wonder if she ever tries to seduce everybody in her own way. I guess it is just she. She once confessed to me that she likes me and hope that we can be together as a couple after 4 years of friendship. I kept quiet and just smile at her. I haven't heard of her for quite some time now. I try to have minimal contacts with people as possible. I just want to lay low for a while.

I called little sister last night and talked to her. It is good to hear her voice again. I miss her sweet voice so much. Whenever I hear her voice, I get so excited. If I were to compare her voice with some fruits, I think it would be strawberry. Naturally sweet and pretty. I spoke to her about stuffs. Aramis and Russia in particular. She made me...she was just concern about me. I felt that she is appreciating me and I am thankful to god for meeting her. i told her that i am sick today and she sent me an email reminding me to take my medicines. she is just so lovely..

I wrote aramis an email telling her about what and how I have been doing in her silence. I knew she would not reply but I wrote to her anyway. She is just one stubborn and strong woman that I have ever come across. I have never met anyone like her before. She left such a strong impact in my life that I do not know if I am able to go on if she is really leaving me for good. She has been gone for 4 years before and it could be happening again. It is scary to be feeling like how I am feeling. I feel so lost and hopeless when I haven't heard from her. I pray that she will always be safe and sound.

Russia called me on Sunday night after the kenduri. I was not in my best mood. She called me again this afternoon and asked what went wrong. I just didn't know what went wrong. Everything seems wrong nowadays. I knew it's because of aramis but I can't let her know. It is madness to tell her. I wonder why some people make things so complicated. I guess Russia has started to feel neglected and she is jumping into wild accusations diplomatically. I let it be. I kept quiet. I am so sick of everything. I told little sister last night that I will not let anyone affect my mood easily nowadays. I will only concentrate and appreciate the people who has make me feel good. I think that is what I am going to do. Little sister has been nice to me. She has been caring and sweet like a chocolate. She deserves my good treatment.

I wrote an email to the actress. It is my first email to her and there will be many more to come. I want to get to know her. She seems nice. I hope to meet her soon.

I am going to be a godmother soon diary. I am so happy that I can't wait. I have started to write a list mentally of what I want to buy for my first child. I want my child to call me Umy Fudge. hahaha...how's that? I want to raise her to be a good citizen with great visions. I think I am going to be a strict mother.

My dad cried during the kenduri. He is still remembering my late brother. I don't blame him and I understand what he feels. He has lost a son and I have lost a brother whom had been a great playmate. I often joked and teased him. There is no replacement for him. I have disciplined myself to do the daily prayers. I feel good after each prayer and I will not stop till the last bit of energy left in my body.

i have to fingers off diary, i am sick and feeling feverish a bit. i am so weak. i need to rest. take care diary.