Live smart

Dear diary, the wedding was great and I quite enjoyed myself there even though I was tired. I helped out with the clearing of dirty plates and glasses from the tables and the distribution of drinks. There were some bad co-ordination but overall it was smooth. When you go to functions like this, you will be able to see who are the helpful ones and who are not. You will be able to see the true colours of people and how much spirit of ?gotong-royong? is in them. It is fun when you are helping with a group of people who are helpful and have so much spirit of ?gotong-royong? but it is a misery if it is otherwise.

I have seen the real characteristics of all my cousins and relatives and I have selected a few whom I will be helping if it is their wedding. It?s time to get even now and no more Mr. Nice Guy attitude. It?s sickening to be helpful to those who do not appreciate your help and who do not want to help back when it is your turn. I am going to play it smart now. We took a family photo with the bride and groom and for the first time, I literally see and realised that there are only 5 of us left. I kept thinking of my late brother when I was posing for the picture. I was sad because that was the first time we took a family photo after my brother?s death. It just occurs to me that there is one family member missing from the picture not because he was away overseas or busy at work and couldn?t come to the wedding but he was missing from the picture because he is dead and he is not coming back forever. It hurts so much and once again I was encapsulated with sorrow. I didn?t know if my mum or my dad felt the same way like I did but I knew they were thinking of my late brother when the cameraman was busy snapping the picture.

I did my hair a little different than usual and I put on some make up to the wedding. Everybody said that I look good which made me feel pleased and confident. It?s been a long time since I put on some make up and do my hair different for a function. Mum wanted me to wear her kebaya but it was a little too big for me and so I stuck to my choice of baju kurung kedah which is my favourite. I had it 5 years ago and I still can wear it. Amazing isn?t it? I need to add a few pieces of kebaya to my collection of Malay traditional clothes.

The cough is killing me. I have been caughing my lungs out for a week now. It?s a misery because I can?t get a good night sleep without coughing and everytime I cough my chest hurts. Everytime I travel on the train, I have to refrain myself from coughing because if I would, it would be loud and I know I will attract a lot of attentions from people. But it is difficult cos refraining yourself from coughing is like holding the urge to sneeze. I have been taking cough medicines and I hope I will be cured soon.

It?s been a week now that russia and I have not been exchanging news. I called her mobile twice last night but the calls were unanswered. I didn?t sms her to tell or to ask and she didn?t explain to me either so I just let it be. There are some things that are best left unspoken. I think the feelings are slowly diminishing but we both do not say a word about it. I have been quiet and so is she and I guess both of us just want to let things be that way. She has said some stuffs that turned me off and I have said some stuffs that turned her off and so the things left to do now is to be by ourselves.

I have promised little sister a picture of myself and I didn?t take any photo during the wedding cos my digi cam battery was flat. I miss little sister and I have always prayed for her to be in the pink of health. I do not want anything to happen to her and I hope she will always be blessed with a happy life.