Dear diary, little sister has not sent me any news for two days now. I am starting to get worried. I couldn?t think of any other possible reasons except that she might be busy or she might be hospitalised again. I am not sure if it is something that I said in my previous email. But I didn?t say anything that sounded as if I am pitying her too much cos she did mentioned to me that if I tried to sound pitiful towards her, she might just leave me. she hates people to have pity on her. I hope I didn?t sound like that cos I know I am not. I am just concerned about her. Please God, make sure she is safe and sound.
I bought another watch diary. It?s Casio and it?s an old model but I have wanted to have this watch since my secondary school days. It?s nice and I like the design but it?s digital though. This watch is very popular among students last time. I can almost see 2 in every students wear this watch. The design is simple but stylish and it is affordable as well. They only had it in one colour last nice time now it comes with many colours. I chose indigo blue because I think it?s the most attractive one. I wanted to have pink but I have got the Titus watch in pink so I settled for blue.
Aramis texted me few days ago. She sounded almost like she was begging me to reply her message but I didn?t. I am not sure what I want to do with her anymore. I really do not know. I miss her so much but I am scared that she will repeat history again. We have had so many ups and downs and sometimes I feel that she is not treating me fairly. Too many issues involved that only she and I can understand. I am dissapointed with her beyond words and I am still in pain. I don?t have any grudges against her but I have to protect my interests nowadays. I cannot be the nicest and forgiving person anymore. I still love her but I know I have to take it slow and not to pursue it like there is no tomorrow. I want to die a happy woman. There are so many things she has done that make me almost give up on her. When I think back of what I?ve gone through with her, I feel stupid because it was unbelievable. I love her so much that I have overlooked what is logic and what is not. Love is indeed something that make you do crazy things. Nevertheless, I am still praying for her well-being and happiness. I know I still love her but I can only do it from a distance now.
I saw Trainer, an old friend last Thursday. She knew about my brother?s death. I have known her since I was 15 and I noticed how much we have grown up. She?s building her career now as a Fitness Trainer and I can see how well toned her body is nowadays. She gave me some tips on how to lose that extra kilos which I have already known but only too lazy to get it started properly and enthusiastically. She told me I?m skinny but I am skinny fat in real terms. That means, I am skinny and have an ideal weight for my height but I still have baby fats and don?t have a well toned body.
Yeah yeah, I have known that fact but I guess I am just too occupied to work out. The dumb bells I bought 5 years ago have not really been picked up by me for more than 5 times on a regular basis. But I am happy with how much I weigh now. She told me that I didn?t look a bit sad or depressed. She said I am strong. Well, all I can say is how much sorrow can you show to people when you are in public or in the company of people? How much can people feel what you are feeling inside? Who can tell that there is a hidden sadness and sorrow underneath that smiling face? Nobody knows and nobody can tell. The feelings come spontaneously and you will never know when. Losing someone is not easy especially when you know he is not coming back. You started to have regrets and at times you can get angry with yourself over his death. It?s just too difficult. Only time can help you to heal.
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