appreciating living free

dear diary,

i went to school and settled my outstanding school fees which has been long overdue. i have been delaying the payment for so long already until i have decided to settle it once and for all. i just wanted to have a feel of having so much money in my bank account. it sure gives me a good feeling to see the figures that represents my financial wealth. i still have a satisfactory amount of money left after the school fees and that should be sufficient to make me feel contented. i am sure it will grow anytime soon and by then, i'll be out of here. i met hippo in her office after that and i saw the rest of her colleagues who will be in the trip. one girl caught my eye and i think i am beggining to like her. *chuckles*

she's not pretty or cute, but i just like her manners and the way she carries herself. she already has a boyfriend but it doesn't affect how i feel towards her because i didn't have any intentions to be attached to her or have any relations to her. she's just fine and fairly friendly. i couldn't wait for the trip to come to be close to her. i really wonder if she is purely straight in sexual preference. hippo noticed the way i looked at her and she signalled to me not to be naughty. i laughed away at her observations and stuck out my tongue at her. i guess she can tell if i am up to something cheeky or mischievious after 13 years of friendship.

we went dinner after that and for the first time hippo introduced me to her new boyfriend after being single for more than 2 years. i just thought he was shy and i allowed him to have time of his own to get comfortable. i left the two of them together and concentrated on my food. i think i am hooked on cili padi as i never fail to ask for cili padi every time i eat out. but of course it all depends on the food i eat if they are suitable to eat with chilli padi. i ate seafood hor fun last night and i had 2 medium servings of chilli padi to go with it. my tongue was burning and i quickly sucked ice to reduce the burn.

i have so many things on my mind of what to eat. seafood is always on my mind and chilli squid is my favourite. i also like cockles and snails. i think i eat practically every seafood that's available. it's a lucky thing that my family is adventurous in food. we have been to every popular eating place over here as well as overseas. what i miss most is the shop that sells 'asam pedas' with freshly caught fish in muar johor. i can still remember how the fish taste so fresh and soft. it's a simple but absolutely delicious meal i have ever had. i remembered we only had red snapper in 'asam pedas', fried omellette and a plate of vegetables. very simple but rewarding meal. everyone of us enjoyed the meal and we planned to come back for more in the future.

i wish i could tell little sister that i will be there and i hope we can meet up. there is no way i can get hold of her. all i can do is to wait for her call but it takes forever for her to call. i am not even sure if she is in malaysia or australia. i don't know how she is, what she's doing, how is her health and if she has been well or not. i wish and hope she is well and the white blood cells in her body has reduced sufficiently. the only thing for me to do now is to pray to god she will have a long live and blessed with good health.

i have not heard from aramis neither has she heard from me for 5 days now. both of us are back to our daily routine of silence. nothing happened but i guess we all need this break and silence sometimes. too much of togetherness is bad, in fact too much of everything and anything is bad and can get hazardous. i read all her messages sometimes, can you believe that i saved almost all of her messages? she is the only girl that has successfully made me do that. reading her messages makes me smile. it suffices to make me happy. i miss her everyday, every second of my life, i hope she feels the same way too. i love her too much to hate her.

purple is quiet and i don't know what's with her. i didn't think i have said anything wrong to her. she was excited when i told her i am coming but i am not sure if she still does. i don't really care anyway, she has said some things which offended me a little. i didn't pay so much attention to it, i let it go cos it was insignificant. she knows when i will be there so if she is still serious of meeting up again, she will call. frankly, i really don't know what are we. i have no idea what to call us. it is so funny and ticklish.

we talk and behave to each other like a couple but we are not. you know diary, i am really smiling very widely now as i type this event down. it's so silly of us and we only have met once! she used to call me everyday until her bill came and that was it. she said that she needs to listen to my voice at least for awhile everyday. i reserved my opinion about that to myself. it got me scared and puzzled, both of us are not looking for anyone special but yet we seemed to be looking for one. i think we are just flirting and we are enjoying every minute of it even though it is long distance. there are only two girls that have made me go weak on my knees like an ice cube left to melt under the scorching heat. they are aramis and flying dutchess. these women have the capability to make me go down on my knees. there will always be a place for them in my heart even though i would be cold to them. it's the ego in me.

i feel so free now that i have deleted all the people that are toxic from my life. they bring nothing but disease to my soul and give nothing but pollution to my life. since i kept my distance from them, i breathe in well and i am a happy woman again. it's nobody's fault but everybody's mistakes; a mistake to know each other. i left it behind and keep moving forward now. no worries, no hatred, no grudges, no friction and no nonsense. i feel freedom once again and i will celebrate it to my heart's content.