i will be there...

dear diary,

when you think you are out of options and do not have any other alternatives, you are suddenly flooded with so many varieties of choices. all you have to do after that is to pick and choose the one that suits most of your needs. here i am thinking i am out of options to travel to KL and have to settle with hippo when i received 2 other offers from my friends in JB to have a ride with them to KL. i can say that i am spoilt with choices for now. travelling with hippo would be fun and great because i have gotten to know most of them already and they are all full of jokes and excitement. the other friend is guess who? it's cutie pie! her family is moving out of jb to KL and she has to drive up the other family's car to KL.

there will be plenty of rooms and i am welcome if i want to join them. i have never sat in a car with cutie pie before and have met her only once, however, i talk to her often on the phone and we have become very closely acquainted with each other. she is leaving to KL on sunday morning or afternoon, therefore i have to be at her house in the morning to be safe. the other friend is Kinabalu. i have known her for awhile now and i can say that i am comfortable with her more than with cutie pie. i have met kinabalu only once but we can click together and she is also a little bit hip. kinabalu is leaving on monday morning, hippo is leaving on monday noon, cutie pie is leaving on sunday. if i am rushing to KL, i would travel with cutie pie but the only thing i am uncomfortable about it is, she will be driving with her family and yes, that includes her parents, however, they will be travelling in a different car.

i can adjust myself to situations and circumstances most of the times but i do not think it is convenient for me to travel with cutie pie. firstly, i have to be there in the morning on sunday, i have to leave home early to avoid traffic jam and once i got to JB, i have to go to her house alone by cab. everything will be a first time for me. going to her house, meeting her parents, travelling in a car with her and putting up at her house on sunday. come to think of it, monday is a working day in malaysia, if cutie pie is not on leave on monday, then what is going to happen to me? the hotel check in time is only at 12 noon and i am sure i am going to be uncomfortable if i have to stay in her house alone with her family without her around. i also have to wait for her untill she finishes her work in the evening.

i don't think that would be good. travelling with hippo would mean i will be in KL around 7 in the evening and i didn't have to leave home early because leaving home to JB will be late morning. it is going to be time wasting and lots of waiting to do but i am sure it would be fun and the most comfortable journey to KL i have ever had. kinabalu plans to leave early to KL. tentatively it would be 7 in the morning on monday. she will be driving alone to KL and i think she could use some company. if i were to travel with kinabalu, it would suits my needs most. i know i will be in KL by noon or early afternoon, by then i am able to check in into the hotel and get myself comfortable. i can meet more friends now since i have extra time on hand, however, i will be alone in the hotel until hippo and friends arrive.

it's not a problem to me since i will be out of the hotel anyway. the only discomfort i will have travelling with kinabalu would be getting along with her girlfriend. she's in negeri sembilan and kinabalu will pick her up from there and proceed to KL with us. therefore, from negeri sembilan onwards, i may have to try to get along with her because i know she is hard to please. it's not really a big deal to me cos negeri sembilan is only about less than 2 hours journey to KL. i am sure all of us can put up with each other's attitude for that short period. the only thing left for me to do is to think of excuses or reasons to skip my commitment on monday. i just hope i am successful and will be released.

you know diary, purple was online last night and we chatted for awhile. i am really becoming afraid to get close with her nowadays. she knows i will be there soon and she jokingly and mischieviously asked if i want to be her girlfriend for the period i am there. she sent me virtual kisses and hugs and said she wants to spend the week doing nothing but to kiss me. she could be teasing me and being naughty but i feel i have to take precautions. i do not want her to get the wrong idea and i do not want to be overboard with my flirting. i guess i have to draw a line somewhere.

i am not exagerating but we all know that we can sense it when someone is having a crush or fallin for us. we can tell from their body language. it can get crazy sometimes. i like purple but if things are going to get serious with us, then i might have to back off a bit. i am just not ready for any commitments yet especially when it involves distance. furthermore, aramis has stayed put in my heart and i am not letting her go neither am i sending her away. it doesn't matter if i can't have her for real but i want her to stay in my heart. my feelings for her are undeniable.

do you know that i have cut my hair diary? it is so short that i don't need to comb my hair after shower. it's a boy's haircut and i kind of like it but i need sometime to get myself used to this new look. it is funny initially because it has been a long time since i wear my hair this short. i really look different i am sure my family would be shock to see me with my new hairstyle. i couldn't help gigling at myself at my new look. i look so different that i almost couldn't recognise myself! i don't know what my friends are going to say about it. i am positive they are going to laught at me.

i am not regretting the hair cut but i am regretting the fact that i allowed the hairdresser to cut it so short like this. not only that, i even asked her to make my hair thin, so you can imagine how short and thin my hair looks like. arrgghh, enough about my hair, i am fine with it but if it was slightly longer, i would be happier. talking about my new look, i wonder what the students in the quran class would think of my new look. geeezzz, i never had this worry before after a haircut but this time it is really exceptional.

i have to stop thinking about my new hair and how would people accept it but how can i when i am wearing it on my head and it goes wherever i go? obviously i cannot stop worrying about it. my hair represent how i am, what i am like, in simple terms, my hair is me! arrrghhh...diary i think i am going insane here. it looks good at the saloon but after i put on my hair scarf and put on some wet look to give it a spiky and funky look, it kind of turns me off. it looks ok, not that it is ugly but 'different' and the biggest problem i am having now is to get used to this new look of mine. i think i should have probably left it on its own without wet look and scarf.

my toes have got abrasions and it hurts a lot. i couldn't walk properly with the pair of shoes i am wearing today. it really hurts and i can't speed up when i walk. i cannot be buying a new pair of shoes again because that would eat up into my budget. my worry now is how am i suppose to go home with my feet like this? buying a new pair of shoes will at least cost me 20 bucks for the cheapest pair. damn! i shouldn't have worn this shoe today. i should have worn a different pair of shoes which is loose and open. i should have listened to my instinct.