Dear Diary,
.
I am listening to Billy Joel, In The Middle of the Night as I am writing down my thoughts to you. I love this song and it is one of the songs that I had a dream of singing acapella in front of the audience with my group of lessies friends. *chuckles* I have always been daydreaming Diary, you know how I can get when I have a few minutes of time to my own don’t you? I would allow myself to slip away for awhile into the world of fantasies leaving reality behind. I would indulge myself in a series of imaginations that run so wild that only the people with the highest and wildest level of imaginations could ever think of.
.
I miss you Diary. I have never missed you so much like this before. I have so much to say to you but I don’t know how to write anymore. Every time I am writing to you, there will always be something that will distract me and it is affecting my momentum. Oh Diary, it is really not easy to write nowadays. I am just afraid that I might lose it someday. I had nasi lemak for breakfast today courtesy of mum. It didn’t taste that good and I didn’t finish it. The house is quiet now. I am not watching the television neither am I listening to songs from my laptop anymore. The only sound that I hear now is the sound of my keyboard.
.
I had a short conversation with Infinity last night. She said ‘Hi’ and it all started from there. The conversation was all about the business we share. Now that I am mostly in Singapore, the stall has no one to manage except for the staffs. I have told her to collect the sales money regularly while I am gone. I also told her about the recent incidents that happened concerning the stall. Infinity asked if I had taken any actions about it. I told her that I have made a police report about it but I had withdrawn the report. Infinity seems upset about my actions. She said if I had withdrawn the report then it is as good as not taking any actions against the culprit. I remained silent and let her do her talking. She does have a right as she is the shareholder so I didn’t interrupt. I guess she realized that I didn’t quite agree with her and so she stopped talking.
.
I understand her dissatisfactions and her anger when she listens to my story but I just don’t understand why people make judgments and passed remarks easily. I am still disappointed with Infinity for many reasons. Yes Diary, I have gotten over her but to forget the things she did while we were together is a tall order. I have always missed her company because she never left me alone or make me feel lonely. She was always there for me, but keeping me company always involve her entourage. Do not get me wrong Diary, I have nothing against her entourage but when it gets too often it can be an eye sore and a heart ache. It is true what the ideology of being married to a Malay says, when you get married to a Malay, you not only marry him/her, but you are also marrying his/her family. I shall not elaborate further Diary. Being adult I guess you should have known what I have gone through. It was quite an experience and I have learnt a lot from Infinity. Whatever happened in the house, I tolerated for two years. I was cool about it for as long as I can because my love for Infinity was as strong as superman and was as big as Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Everything that happened under my nose in the house, I disregarded it. I never thought that people would take advantage of it or would take me for granted. I never thought that people would make decisions without taking the welfare and feelings of the rest of the tenants in the house who are also paying rent into considerations.
.
It was quite difficult for me living there. I had a house which I couldn’t call my home and that’s the saddest part of it all. Infinity was always there for me but I have never felt that she cared about my inner feelings. Perhaps I was expecting too much from her. She provided me with all the conveniences that she could. I never have to worry about anything and everything at all because I knew I had her. She was my saviour; she was the person I turned to when I was in need. It is beyond descriptions the things she did for me. Diary, she was a kind woman you know. And I thought her kindness would be extended to making sure I was feeling alright about everything in the house or to the times when we went out with her friends.
.
I still remember the time we went out to karaoke with her friends. They were all men, straight men who were out for fun without the supervisions of their respective wives. We were in the car and I sat at the back on the left while Infinity sat in the center with Mr. Cheeky on the right. I had noticed that Mr. Cheeky was trying to get cheeky with Infinity. Making conversations with her and teasing her playing the mischievous role. I didn’t really take offence because we had to act that we were straights. This is the problem with her friends who are straights mostly. We didn’t have the liberty to be who we really are to each other. It always had to love behind closed doors when it comes to her friends. You know that she was straight before Diary, thus she hardly has any friends who are on the same boat as us. It was worst during the karaoke session. Imagine this Diary, Mr. Cheeky was really getting all cheeky, intimate and touchy with Infinity right in front of my eyes and I was supposed to be cool about it. What was I supposed to do? Infinity being herself was cool about it, but she really couldn’t push away Mr. Cheeky because I assumed she was thinking of her rice bowl too. You know Mr. Cheeky had given Infinity a couple of projects and I guessed that’s why it was also hard for Infinity.
.
Anyhow, I have always believe that if you live by your principles and act on it, people will not dare or be bold enough to do that things to you. Respect has to be earned and not bought. I was pissed off and disappointed to the core Diary. There were no words in my vocabulary list that I can use to describe how I was feeling that night. I walked away from the room and left early. I waited for them outside the karaoke breathing in fresh air hoping that it will calm me down. They sent us to our car and we drove home. I was silent and I didn’t say a word to Infinity on the way home. I guessed she got impatient with me thinking that I embarrassed her in front of her potential business partners. Diary, I couldn’t help it. I swear to God that if I can do a miracle, I would turn myself into someone with no feelings or concern over the people I love so that I wouldn’t be jealous or angry watching that low life Mr. Cheeky getting all cheeky with my partner. But I can’t because after all, I am only human that has been blessed with the spirit of love towards the woman I chose to love; Infinity. Was it wrong for me to behave that way? Was it unnatural for me to react the way I reacted?
.
We fought in the car, and I got out of the car in anger and resentment. In that process, I lost the parking coupon and so Infinity couldn’t get out of the car park. I couldn’t call anybody because my battery to my cell phone was dead. It was a lucky thing that we parked the car close to home. It was about two kilometers from home I think. I had no choice but to walk home. On my way home, I saw Infinity in her brother’s car going back home. That’s the thing about her Diary. She has her family around her. They are just a phone call away from help. My family is in Singapore and I only have my relatives and friends here and I am not the kind who is comfortable seeking help from them. Therefore, I walked home feeling very sad about the whole incident. I never blamed Infinity about it, it’s just that I asked myself, would I be doing that to her if I were in her shoes? I don’t think so Diary because I know it hurts and I will never allow my friends to disrespect my partner like that.
.
I am listening to Billy Joel, In The Middle of the Night as I am writing down my thoughts to you. I love this song and it is one of the songs that I had a dream of singing acapella in front of the audience with my group of lessies friends. *chuckles* I have always been daydreaming Diary, you know how I can get when I have a few minutes of time to my own don’t you? I would allow myself to slip away for awhile into the world of fantasies leaving reality behind. I would indulge myself in a series of imaginations that run so wild that only the people with the highest and wildest level of imaginations could ever think of.
.
I miss you Diary. I have never missed you so much like this before. I have so much to say to you but I don’t know how to write anymore. Every time I am writing to you, there will always be something that will distract me and it is affecting my momentum. Oh Diary, it is really not easy to write nowadays. I am just afraid that I might lose it someday. I had nasi lemak for breakfast today courtesy of mum. It didn’t taste that good and I didn’t finish it. The house is quiet now. I am not watching the television neither am I listening to songs from my laptop anymore. The only sound that I hear now is the sound of my keyboard.
.
I had a short conversation with Infinity last night. She said ‘Hi’ and it all started from there. The conversation was all about the business we share. Now that I am mostly in Singapore, the stall has no one to manage except for the staffs. I have told her to collect the sales money regularly while I am gone. I also told her about the recent incidents that happened concerning the stall. Infinity asked if I had taken any actions about it. I told her that I have made a police report about it but I had withdrawn the report. Infinity seems upset about my actions. She said if I had withdrawn the report then it is as good as not taking any actions against the culprit. I remained silent and let her do her talking. She does have a right as she is the shareholder so I didn’t interrupt. I guess she realized that I didn’t quite agree with her and so she stopped talking.
.
I understand her dissatisfactions and her anger when she listens to my story but I just don’t understand why people make judgments and passed remarks easily. I am still disappointed with Infinity for many reasons. Yes Diary, I have gotten over her but to forget the things she did while we were together is a tall order. I have always missed her company because she never left me alone or make me feel lonely. She was always there for me, but keeping me company always involve her entourage. Do not get me wrong Diary, I have nothing against her entourage but when it gets too often it can be an eye sore and a heart ache. It is true what the ideology of being married to a Malay says, when you get married to a Malay, you not only marry him/her, but you are also marrying his/her family. I shall not elaborate further Diary. Being adult I guess you should have known what I have gone through. It was quite an experience and I have learnt a lot from Infinity. Whatever happened in the house, I tolerated for two years. I was cool about it for as long as I can because my love for Infinity was as strong as superman and was as big as Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Everything that happened under my nose in the house, I disregarded it. I never thought that people would take advantage of it or would take me for granted. I never thought that people would make decisions without taking the welfare and feelings of the rest of the tenants in the house who are also paying rent into considerations.
.
It was quite difficult for me living there. I had a house which I couldn’t call my home and that’s the saddest part of it all. Infinity was always there for me but I have never felt that she cared about my inner feelings. Perhaps I was expecting too much from her. She provided me with all the conveniences that she could. I never have to worry about anything and everything at all because I knew I had her. She was my saviour; she was the person I turned to when I was in need. It is beyond descriptions the things she did for me. Diary, she was a kind woman you know. And I thought her kindness would be extended to making sure I was feeling alright about everything in the house or to the times when we went out with her friends.
.
I still remember the time we went out to karaoke with her friends. They were all men, straight men who were out for fun without the supervisions of their respective wives. We were in the car and I sat at the back on the left while Infinity sat in the center with Mr. Cheeky on the right. I had noticed that Mr. Cheeky was trying to get cheeky with Infinity. Making conversations with her and teasing her playing the mischievous role. I didn’t really take offence because we had to act that we were straights. This is the problem with her friends who are straights mostly. We didn’t have the liberty to be who we really are to each other. It always had to love behind closed doors when it comes to her friends. You know that she was straight before Diary, thus she hardly has any friends who are on the same boat as us. It was worst during the karaoke session. Imagine this Diary, Mr. Cheeky was really getting all cheeky, intimate and touchy with Infinity right in front of my eyes and I was supposed to be cool about it. What was I supposed to do? Infinity being herself was cool about it, but she really couldn’t push away Mr. Cheeky because I assumed she was thinking of her rice bowl too. You know Mr. Cheeky had given Infinity a couple of projects and I guessed that’s why it was also hard for Infinity.
.
Anyhow, I have always believe that if you live by your principles and act on it, people will not dare or be bold enough to do that things to you. Respect has to be earned and not bought. I was pissed off and disappointed to the core Diary. There were no words in my vocabulary list that I can use to describe how I was feeling that night. I walked away from the room and left early. I waited for them outside the karaoke breathing in fresh air hoping that it will calm me down. They sent us to our car and we drove home. I was silent and I didn’t say a word to Infinity on the way home. I guessed she got impatient with me thinking that I embarrassed her in front of her potential business partners. Diary, I couldn’t help it. I swear to God that if I can do a miracle, I would turn myself into someone with no feelings or concern over the people I love so that I wouldn’t be jealous or angry watching that low life Mr. Cheeky getting all cheeky with my partner. But I can’t because after all, I am only human that has been blessed with the spirit of love towards the woman I chose to love; Infinity. Was it wrong for me to behave that way? Was it unnatural for me to react the way I reacted?
.
We fought in the car, and I got out of the car in anger and resentment. In that process, I lost the parking coupon and so Infinity couldn’t get out of the car park. I couldn’t call anybody because my battery to my cell phone was dead. It was a lucky thing that we parked the car close to home. It was about two kilometers from home I think. I had no choice but to walk home. On my way home, I saw Infinity in her brother’s car going back home. That’s the thing about her Diary. She has her family around her. They are just a phone call away from help. My family is in Singapore and I only have my relatives and friends here and I am not the kind who is comfortable seeking help from them. Therefore, I walked home feeling very sad about the whole incident. I never blamed Infinity about it, it’s just that I asked myself, would I be doing that to her if I were in her shoes? I don’t think so Diary because I know it hurts and I will never allow my friends to disrespect my partner like that.
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