Dear Diary,
.
I have been thinking a lot about Flying Babe nowadays. It seems to me that the more I try to forget about her the more I am remembering her. I remember the times I spent with her and how she made me feel so alive. Her pictures are still at the place where I put them the first time she gave them to me. I never removed them. They were just there as usual. I wonder if she still has my pictures in her wallet like she used to and I wonder too if she is thinking of me like how I think of her.
.
She text me last week and she told me how she has been thinking of me often. It was a day before valentine and I was still in Singapore at that time. I replied her back as soon as I reached Subang. In my text I told her that I was thinking of her too. It just stopped there and there is no more news about her till now. I didn’t mention anything about valentine in my message because I have never celebrated valentine regardless of my relationship status. I don’t know Diary, I have this belief that everyday should be a valentine’s day. If we have found someone that we love shouldn’t we celebrate it everyday instead on that day alone? I wonder if I had said something that I shouldn’t have said in my message because she seems quiet after that. Perhaps this thought is just playing in my mind because I have been thinking of her a lot lately, therefore speculations and assumptions are working themselves in my brain because of that. You and I know that speculations and assumptions are the termites of relationships. They are the destroyer of beautiful things.
.
Every night when I sleep, I would put the little teddy bear she gave me by my side. I would touch its legs and I would hold it in my palm just to heal my soul for missing her so much. It seems to me that the more I suffer the more I love, the more I deny the more I miss her, the more I hate the more I am remembering her. I have tried to move on, I think I have but I haven’t moved forward yet. It takes such a long time to move forward when I still see her in my shadows. She is everywhere in my room. I never bothered to remove her away because I know even if I had burnt and hide her memories that she left; she is still in me lingering in the background. She is the air that I breathe, very surreal it may sound but that is how I feel. Every woman in the world will feel like that when she has gave her heart away. I have heard people say that love is not put in your heart to stay; love is only love when you gave it away. I guessed I have given my love to Flying Babe. I cannot read between the lines and I cannot make assumptions from the behaviour and statements made. Perhaps I could but I am in a state when I am not even sure if I want to love and be loved again. Perhaps I am not that confident woman anymore. I have lost my juice and steam. People lose steam after many mishaps. Mishaps are like knives; that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. When you have something too much you can just get tired of it someday. But isn’t love is something that you just cannot get tired of? We need love in our lives. It is the only thing that makes us complete. Love is subjective isn’t it Diary?
.
I spend my time doing my things and minding my own business. I read somewhere that time is the great healer but I only see time as something that only gives me more time to think about how much I have been missing her. Occasionally I go out with my friends and just let my hair down. Being myself without bothering how people think of me. That’s the best choice everybody made. I still do have some kind of hope that I will reunite with Flying Babe again but deep down inside me, I am scared. I am scared of the pain, disappointments and surprises that come with it. We all know that every little thing comes with a package and everything is not all about butterflies and rainbows. When reality struck, we will soon realised that life will not always be the way we want it to be. We cannot always have our cake and eat it. Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. Ask me what is Love Diary, and I would say love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. I am not sure if I am ready to go through that phase again in my life because I am still recovering from all the hurt and pain. There is only one thing that I have learnt from the pain; I have to embrace it and burn it as fuel for my next journey with or without Flying Babe.
.
PS: I love you…Flying Babe.
.
I have been thinking a lot about Flying Babe nowadays. It seems to me that the more I try to forget about her the more I am remembering her. I remember the times I spent with her and how she made me feel so alive. Her pictures are still at the place where I put them the first time she gave them to me. I never removed them. They were just there as usual. I wonder if she still has my pictures in her wallet like she used to and I wonder too if she is thinking of me like how I think of her.
.
She text me last week and she told me how she has been thinking of me often. It was a day before valentine and I was still in Singapore at that time. I replied her back as soon as I reached Subang. In my text I told her that I was thinking of her too. It just stopped there and there is no more news about her till now. I didn’t mention anything about valentine in my message because I have never celebrated valentine regardless of my relationship status. I don’t know Diary, I have this belief that everyday should be a valentine’s day. If we have found someone that we love shouldn’t we celebrate it everyday instead on that day alone? I wonder if I had said something that I shouldn’t have said in my message because she seems quiet after that. Perhaps this thought is just playing in my mind because I have been thinking of her a lot lately, therefore speculations and assumptions are working themselves in my brain because of that. You and I know that speculations and assumptions are the termites of relationships. They are the destroyer of beautiful things.
.
Every night when I sleep, I would put the little teddy bear she gave me by my side. I would touch its legs and I would hold it in my palm just to heal my soul for missing her so much. It seems to me that the more I suffer the more I love, the more I deny the more I miss her, the more I hate the more I am remembering her. I have tried to move on, I think I have but I haven’t moved forward yet. It takes such a long time to move forward when I still see her in my shadows. She is everywhere in my room. I never bothered to remove her away because I know even if I had burnt and hide her memories that she left; she is still in me lingering in the background. She is the air that I breathe, very surreal it may sound but that is how I feel. Every woman in the world will feel like that when she has gave her heart away. I have heard people say that love is not put in your heart to stay; love is only love when you gave it away. I guessed I have given my love to Flying Babe. I cannot read between the lines and I cannot make assumptions from the behaviour and statements made. Perhaps I could but I am in a state when I am not even sure if I want to love and be loved again. Perhaps I am not that confident woman anymore. I have lost my juice and steam. People lose steam after many mishaps. Mishaps are like knives; that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. When you have something too much you can just get tired of it someday. But isn’t love is something that you just cannot get tired of? We need love in our lives. It is the only thing that makes us complete. Love is subjective isn’t it Diary?
.
I spend my time doing my things and minding my own business. I read somewhere that time is the great healer but I only see time as something that only gives me more time to think about how much I have been missing her. Occasionally I go out with my friends and just let my hair down. Being myself without bothering how people think of me. That’s the best choice everybody made. I still do have some kind of hope that I will reunite with Flying Babe again but deep down inside me, I am scared. I am scared of the pain, disappointments and surprises that come with it. We all know that every little thing comes with a package and everything is not all about butterflies and rainbows. When reality struck, we will soon realised that life will not always be the way we want it to be. We cannot always have our cake and eat it. Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. Ask me what is Love Diary, and I would say love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. I am not sure if I am ready to go through that phase again in my life because I am still recovering from all the hurt and pain. There is only one thing that I have learnt from the pain; I have to embrace it and burn it as fuel for my next journey with or without Flying Babe.
.
PS: I love you…Flying Babe.
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