Studying My Relationships Habits

Dear diary,
How has it been going with you? I hope you are in the pink of health and thinking of me like how I am thinking of you. I am in Singapore with my family and it is good to be back in the arms of my family. I have missed them a lot lately. Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat are like always, never greeted me when I come back. They are good and carefree as always.

I just finished writing an email to Peppermint. Oh, I have not told you about her have I Diary. Well she is someone whom I have met online and apparently, we have chatted a few years ago. She happened to be in my Facebook contacts and I just could not help but to wonder if I have known her. To stop me from wondering further, I decided to email her and ask. She replied and it all started from there. Do you see how online social networking brings old acquaintances back together? The power of technology nowadays, is just awesome.

It has been three weeks that I have stopped writing to Flying Babe. The last letter that I wrote to her I believe did not really please her. It was probably something that I said in it. I have strong feelings that she is upset with the content. The minute I got her text message, I did not feel good at all. I was worried sick about the contents of the letter until I had difficulties sleeping. It was bad Diary. I think I screwed up. I wanted to write to her again but I do not know what to say anymore. The truth is I do not know what I want out of writing to her anymore. One side of me says that I want her back in my life but the other side of me says that it is not possible. With my current situations, it is just so hard to have a relationship.

I am happy the way I am now. I am not looking for a replacement neither am I lonely. Nevertheless, I think I still love her, which is probably why it is so hard for me to move forward. I believe that I have moved on but I am still not moving forward yet. Sometimes I tried to foresee where we will be in the next five years if we had stayed together, do you know what I see Diary? I cannot say because I do not know. My romance with her was too short to even imagine anything. All I know, my heart is still with her.

Peppermint asked how does Flying Babe looks like. What can I say? She looks like a natural woman. You know Diary, Peppermint has been together with her partner for seven years. Can you believe that? Sometimes, deep down inside my heart I wish I could have something like what she has. It seems to take forever for me to feel that way or to be that way. No relationships that I have had lasted longer than three years. I am probably too difficult to be pleased. I know I am not an easy person to love. But then again, I think I just expect too much. There are many times when I have had someone who never judged me, took me the way I am but I seemed to be wanting more than that so I left them. Perhaps I am just not girlfriend material.

I am not being whinny but I am actually studying my relationships patterns and habits. My longest relationship was with Infinity, which lasted more than two, but less than three years. My shortest relationship I guessed is with Flying Babe but still it is so hard to get over her and so easy to get over Infinity. Now why is that Diary? I know but I think I will just save the story for the next entry.

I will be driving to Muar tomorrow evening. Rolly Polly is already in Perak. I kind of miss her Diary. She is the one that brings happiness to my life now other than my friends. I wonder at times if she and I had not become close like how we are now. Life is sure to be boring. I supposed I do not need love from a girlfriend anymore, but I could use some love from friends and I will focus my attentions to them more than ever now.