Take The Bull By The Horn

Dear Diary,

I have been up early for the past few days. It seems easy for me to wake up early after Ramadan. I do not need the alarm to sound first before I open my eyes to see the sunlight. It is strange though, how I always feel such a drag to be up early in the morning when I was fasting. Fasting is not the reason I know but I supposed during Ramadan I often stayed up late and I had to wake up at 530 in the morning for 'sahur' and then send my mum off to work. My schedule demanded me to be up early like that almost every morning. Whenever I sent my mum to work, I was deeply affected by the situation. I feel sorry for my mum that she still has to work at her age. I really hope someday I will be successful in this industry so that my parents can retire soon and live in Tangkak like how they hope for.

I have been following my schedule diligently since Syawal and I can oversee clearly how I have progress. I am slow Diary, I have to admit that but I know I am not lazy. I am just recovering from so many disappointments now and I don’t even know if I have recovered. There are times when I think I have but I still keep thinking about the past. I am like a lost soul knowing what I have to do but do not know how and where to begin. Do you understand what I mean Diary? It has never been easy to start fresh especially when you have to leave everything that you have earned and achieved in a blink of an eye. Starting back from nothing and trying to make it into something and having to work from zero hoping to become a hero, I can only say I am glad I still have air in my lungs to breathe.

I have a bit of ideas of the things I have to do now. I am simply organizing my time and drafting out schedule. I know I can. It is just a matter of time. I hope to be good at it. I know sometimes I can be timid and shy although I know I have to be bold and aggressive without having to be insensitive towards the needs of my clients.

I am marketing my house now Diary. I have conducted 6 viewings and I have gotten the hang of it. I have learnt a little of negotiating offers and I have become a little confident now to do presentation. It is really good to start with something you are very familiar with for a start. I supposed this is why the sale of my house to the supposedly buyer was cancelled. Allah probably has some other plans for me and this is probably one of it. I shall keep working and be patient about it.

How are you Diary? I am good although I am starting to feel that my heart is turning into a stone. It is what I call the transitional period of becoming a super woman. I have made a few decisions that I believe will help me recover from all the disappointments I have had. I have let it all out and I think that is the best thing for me to do. I need to let it go and move on. It is pointless to hold on to something uncertain or someone whom I know will never be mine. I took the bull by the horns this time and I have decided to stand firm on the ground where I am standing. I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. I am not building walls around me neither I am building bridges instead I am merely drawing a circle around me that acts as my shield against anyone or anything. I am more selective on everything nowadays.

Oh well Diary, there are always plenty to write when it concerns the heart. The heart is the most sensitive part of our body. It is intangible but yet very vulnerable. I believe if I were to write about the heart, I can write a whole thesis about it. But it is time to be practical nowadays. I will fill up my time with work now and perhaps I am going to finish my outstanding projects. I believe I have three personal projects that I put on hold since my laptop was broken. Now that I am using mum’s laptop, at least I can get back on it again.

Ok then Diary, I catch you when I have the time ok. I love you Diary.