sacrificing for a good cause

dear diary,

i feel bad towards my mother and my brother last night but i cannot help it. i came home and saw my father and my mother in the living room. i didn't see my brother so i figured that it's the best time for me to talk about the house.

i told her it is best that either my brother or i buy the house because in the long run, my parents will have to give up the house since they won't be able to pay throught their cpf anymore. cpf contributions ceased once they reached 55 and even to downgrade to a smaller house requires at least 160,000 dollars. it is really not practical for them to buy a new house under their name anymore. i have thought it over and i told her that if my brother doesn't want to buy the house, then i will buy the house. never mind about my dreams next year, never mind about what i really want, attention must be given to the financial status of my parents now and in the next 5 years to come and beyond. people at their age should be living with their children because everybody knows in singapore if the mortgage loan is not settled by the time you turn 55, then you have to keep on working till you die to live. it is like that when you are living here, work till you die if you did not have proper planning for your retirement unless you are filthy rich with money never running out of supply.

i told mum about the conversation i had with big bro and i can see that mum was a little dissapointed with what he got to say. i shouldn't have let mum know about that but sometimes, i just feel that i need to let her know the truth about serious situations like that. i knew big brother had a plan of his own and he doesn't wish to include us in the plan so that is why he refuses to buy the house. what sicken me most was, he grumpily told me he's fed up with all these sudden problems when he has already planned for his future and i can see that he's strongly against the idea of buying the house. i was appalled in silence cos i did not want to worsen the situation.

i remembered the time he wanted to study in UK. he didn't even ask my parent's financial situation and he didn't even care if they could afford to send him there but he still went on with his idea and making dad sold the house to get cash to finance his studies there. he lived a comfortable life there without having to work part time like most foreign students do. he could even afford to go backpacking all over Europe. when he came back, it took him awhile before he got a permanent job and since then he has been switching jobs. when people switch jobs, how the hell are they supposed to have a stable income? five years after he came back, he is still switching career and now, he's enrolling for a psychology course and guess what diary? without feeling any shame or indebted, he conveniently asked my parents to advance the payment for the course fees first. my parents did and i looked at them with a mixed feelings of regret, sympathy and anger. i didn't ask them about it neither did i bring up the topic until last night.

i didn't suggest to him to buy the house but i talked to him to give him an idea that he must buy the house to save the situation. he got the point but he rejected the idea because he claimed, it would delay his plan to buy a house of his own as he plans to get it when he turns 35. he kept emphasising that he doesn't want my parents to be without a home so that was why he refuses to buy over the house but in actual fact, he does not wish to have my parents living with him if he gets his own house. he was too eager to stay alone that he had overlooked all the logic and practicality for him to buy over the current house and having my parents as the occupants.

sacrifices have to be made and what we want in life may not always be accomplished. we have to be contented with what we have and appreciate His blessings. experiences and lessons from the mistakes i have made thought me to be humble and thankful for the wealth and health i have been blessed with and whatever that i do, i have to seek my parent's blessing first. if i have to buy the house, yes i would no matter if i have to delay or forget about my dreams because my parents happiness comes first and i will do whatever i can in my capacity to keep them smiling.