dear diary,
i have been thinking of aramis a lot for the past few days and i am not sure if i am missing her. it's been a couple of months since we last contacted each other. i am just wondering how she might be doing and if she is in the pink of health. i hope she is and may she be safe and sound wherever she may be. i could have text her or give her a missed call but i am afraid to do so. something tells me that it is better not to do those things anymore. i would rather know that she is fine from the last time we contacted each other. anymore efforts after that would make me feel not at ease if the message is not delivered or a call to her could not get through. i might go into wild assumptions and i will get worried again. it's better to leave things untouched and undisturbed. if i were to remember her, i would like to remember her as the person whom i once loved and that she is fine and healthy. she hasn't text me and i haven't seen her online for a very long time, i never wondered why and i never asked why. i don't want to know anymore. for whatever her reasons are, i will respect her decision and at least i know she's doing fine the last time we met and i would like to keep it that way. because i know, any bad news about her or from her would tear my heart apart and she can probably live with it but i am not sure if i can. thus, it's better for me not to contact her but only pray for her safety from a distance.little sister is the person whom i should be giving my attention to now.
it's been a month and i am a happy person again. i miss her diary and i like the way she sounds on the phone when she is showing her care and concern over me. she sounds so angelic, soft and soothing that you would feel immediately at ease hearing her. i have to admit that i have become a little dependent on her emotionally because she never put me down. for the past years i have known her, she never fails to make me feel important and most of all loved. although there are some problems in our relationship, but i believe both of us can manage them. i like how my relationship with her works cos it does not presurrise me and it relaxes me.
little sister is easy to manage and that is her beauty. she's so beautiful you know diary. she's not complicated and she's not difficult. loving her is something worthwhile and i appreciate her very much. there's a missed call from corn pie and i knew she wanted me to call her back. i couldn't be bothered. i would rather save my phone card for little sister than corn pie. it's been awhile that we have not spoken to each other. i was supposed to meet her on february but i cancelled the appointment as i had too many people to meet. the last time i heard from her, she was toying with the idea to work in singapore. i am not sure if the plan has taken off. i think i have known corn pie for 6 years now. wow...it's been quite a long time. corn pie is ok but she likes to talk too much about herself which i grew tired of listening to. i was thinking, my god isn't there anything else we could talk about other than yourself on my bill??
i never had any serious matured conversation with her and i got turned off but she's good for company though. i would say she's someone you would go for if you are not eyeing for someone to discuss about over social and political issues. she can talk non stop about herself and her friends and if you enjoy listening to gossips, i am sure you would enjoy her company. she has very sweet voice however. her voice and her laughter can make any hearts melt. nice voice but without a substance...it's just too bad. i should give her a ring one of these days. would love to know what she is up to. i saw chicken pie online at YM last night. it was really a surprise as i never expected her to be online since she kept telling me her laptop or wait, did she say desktop is out of order?
oh well whatever...i was using a different nickname on YM that might give her the impression that i have en eye for someone else other than her. it was a blunder but i think she should know anyway. she asked what's the nickname was all about. i skipped her question and carried on my conversation with her on other issues. she wasn't friendly to me last night and i was busy as well. her toothbrush is still with me and i am having second thought of using it. ha ha ha...well it's the most expensive toothbrush i have ever bought and ironically not for myself, but for someone else who keeps on cancelling our appointment. she told me she's buying a new car for her sister and it's a MYVI.
i wonder what does she need a new car for when she has 5 cars at home parked unused. some people just like to shop on impulse don't they? if my skin is as thick as the elephant's skin, i would shamelessly asked her to put the car under my name. that can save me lots of money you know. *chuckles* taj mahal text me a very short message. she asked how am i and said it's been a very very long time since we last spoke. she sounded as if we have not been talking for a decade and it was as though entirely my responsibility to send her some news of myself. i replied her back and at the same time said i haven't heard from her for a very very long time either. wonder how did that message make her feel.
she's been in an accident and i was sorry to hear that from her. she told me that things might not work out between us and told me to move on with my life but i am welcome to remain as her friend. i knew i had that coming. taj mahal and i are never a couple but we did something that every couple did during my visit in february and i guessed that made us feel like we were attached. people change and feelings fade away gradually. the things about her is that, i don't know what does she want from me. she kept telling me not to have any hopes from her but still send me text message saying that i have change toward her and that i am no longer affectionate with her. but everytime i am being affectionate with her, she says things that would turn me off. like, as though she's playing hard to get and always expect me to be lovey dovey with her when she's actually not with me.
i don't understand that girl and i just think she's confuse and if she only expects me to break the ice and initiate, then i am sorry cos i have graduated from those days already. i never thought of her as my girlfriend anyway...it's just that we shared some good moments together for awhile but feelings changed because of circumstances, that's all. i have strong feeling she knows about this and thus told me such news to comfort herself that she's the one who want out and asked for it first. it's not so bad if you dumped someone than being dumped isn't it? as much as i want to make her feel good, i still have to see if she's worth it. nevertheless, we are still friens now and i guess that's just how far it will go.
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