let's gossip about russia

dear diary,

reporter called me when i was in quran class and she said that russia asked her for my number. she asked for my permission and i allowed her to give my number to russia. i couldn't help but to wonder why did russia have to do that when she has my number. perhaps she has lost it and couldn't recall my number. i couldn't really tell if she had call me because my family fetched me from class and we headed straight to JB after that. i was still using one mobile phone and so i had to switch SIM cards again. she probably didn't call me cos i did not receive any voice message neither did i receive text message from her.

russia told reporter that it was urgent for her to get my number and when i did not receive a text and voice message from her, i wonder what is her definition of urgent. i didn't call her from my maxis but i did text her and the message was undelivered. we have been quiet with each other and it was a surprise if we make contact. i knew from the beggining that russia and i were never meant to last long. naturally, i hate people to take control of everything and thinks she can rule me. the very first effort made by her to keep in touch with me when she decided to come to singapore in a rush already turned me off, what's more the rest of them. i never miss anything about russia and that is a shame cos am i not suppose to miss her? afterall, she was my girlfriend before, isn't it natural for ex girlfriends to miss each other sometimes? perhaps it is natural but not in my case. personally and honestly, i think i have never been in love with her.

the reason why i was with her was probably because i wanted to feel how it is like to be with a girl who dominates almost everything. in my past relationships, i have been the one who took control of everything and when i was with russia and had to be controlled, i became suffocated because i was not used to it. i felt like she was all over me and i got turned off. i was surprised by a few of the decisions she made and i only thought she could do better by looking at her background and qualifications.

it really enforce my belief that old age and colourful resume do not neccessarily reflect on how a person would think. she made my dad became suspicious and there is nothing she could do that i would allow to make it up for it. she completely turned me off. she has lost a little of my respect and she has not earned it yet. she doesn't have to anyway, we are hardly in contacts with each other so it really doesn't matter. perhaps my eyes act like an x-ray device whenever i was with her and i scanned and saw right through her. she probably was too transparent to me and perhaps i couldn't tolerate her flaws. perhaps...i didn't really love her and that's why she seemed to be so transparent to me. anyhow, i still think she makes a good friend.