dear diary,
little sister is having some problems and it involves another family. from the look of it, it seems rather serious. authorities are involve too and we just have to wait and see what's going to happen next. little sister has been blaming herself for what happen and i have been trying hard to tell her that's it not her fault. i know how it feels like, and it is terrible to be feeling such a way. it is always a matter of 'if only...'. she must have felt that if she hadn't reported it, things would not have become worse and she must have felt bad and guilty about it. i have been there and done that, it's a misery. for some things we did that we thought was simple and right turned out to be some things complex and wrong to some other people and it has created complications. overall, in my opinion it is not really her fault. it is only natural for her to take those actions and the culprit just have to face the music.
people say, when you do a crime, be prepared to do the time. you have to take full responsibility for things that you have initiated be it good or bad. i hope little sister does not feel bad about the whole thing anymore and i hope she knows she has done the right thing. it is just circumstances that complicate things than they already are. hanging tough little sister! i haven't heard from her for 1 day. i miss her so much and how i regret for not saving all her mesages in my phone. i got a few messages and phonecalls yesterday and i hoped so much that they were from little sister but i was dissapointed. i bought a new phone diary and it works differently than the old one. i have yet to get used to the operating system. i hope she is fine and has managed to remain calm. i was hesitating to buy this phone cos the main agenda this year is to grow my bank account fat and big. i spent too much last month on clothes and buying this mobile phone would add to the amount i spent unnecessarily.
i recorded the details for every penny i spent and i can see that my expenditures are decreasing monthly. it's a good sign, however, there are rooms for improvement if i can just discipline myself to curb my addiction to shopping. furthermore, i need another phone for my maxis. switching sim cards with one phone is a hassle and troublesome. i have promised myself to make up for the money i've spent and starve myself when i am outside. i only eat at home you know...it can saves me about 200 bucks monthly and that's how i make up for shopping unnecessarily. i have a reputation for being thrifty and i don't care anymore. i used to be spendthrift and what i regret most about it, i didn't benefit anything from it. wasted relationships, fake friendships and i ended up with nothing but high bills at the end of every month. experiences are indeed teacher for the fool and in this case, i happen to be the fool, a complete bloody fool. i don't blame them but myself, if only i had been wiser, careful and selective in choosing friends. for now, i have every reasons to be thrifty or perhaps stingy to some people. i need all the money i have to finance my studies there and i cannot be spending my time being worried of people labelling me as stingy or calculative.
life as a student will make me realise how much money i have been wasting unnecessarily, in a way it makes me regret for the way i spent my time, energy and money on people and not to myself. i can only look back and ponder why. perhaps i have enjoyed their companies and i like to be treated the way they have treated me. perhaps i was just being too generous at the same time stupid and did not realise it until it was too late because i was too stupid to even realise i was stupid. well, life sure is a jigsaw puzzle, it takes time for you to find the right piece of puzzle to complete it. you keep on walking in this life journey of yours trying and hoping that you would fine your hero. but you can't just keep on hoping cos if the hero doesn't come along, you just have to be your own hero.
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