Coming Through The New Year

Dear Diary,

I have been writing letters to flyingbabe almost everyday nowadays. i have been missing her but i can only afford to let her know through my letters. things have changed and i guess it is better that i let her know how i feel through my writings. she told me she loves reading my letters, they make her feel so close to me.

how are you doing diary? i hope u r good and always in the pink of health. i am coping with things that happened in 2008, i am not bringing them into 2009 but i think they are still lingering in the backgrounds. memories are hard to delete because we are not computers that has the capability to store data only for awhile. we do not have the 'delete' button to clear all the datas away.

i am always thinking of her and most of the times i wonder if she is thinking of me too. i have wrote so many letters to her. i bought blue envelopes to post the letters to her. i chose blue because it is her favourite colour. i like blue too, the colour represents serenity, i think.

i have started communicating with infinity. we started off online but i think when i come back, i will probably ask her out for a drink. i have finally come to terms with my loss. it was difficult in the beginning but with the new year spirit, i am thinking positive now. life is too short not to let go of grudges,sadness, bitterness and unhappiness. i have forgiven her a long time ago, but i was just too heartbroken and dissapointed. i needed time and infinity didn't let me have the time, she just wanted me to accept her as a friend immediately after the break up. how could i diary? my relationship with her was the longest i have had. she was my first living partner, my family. it was never easy for me to take her as a friend overnight after having her as more than just a living partner.

we did things together, we were one, we slept in the same bed, we ate from the same plate, we lived under one roof and we drank from the same cup. infinity taught me what living partnership is all about, something that i would never learnt in singapore. she was always there for me, never failed not to be there. i felt so safe when i was with her because i knew i had her. you know diary, when you are all alone in a foreign country without your family around, you will get so attached with your living partner. that's how i got so attached with infinity, we were each other's shadows. there are so many things to say about her but i will save the best for last.

things are different now...i have flyingbabe in my mind even though the feelings might not be mutual anymore. i really don't know what to think diary...i have made mistakes with flyingbabe and i am trying to fix it back..hope always springs eternal in the human heart...