Dear Diary,
How are you doing today? I really hope you are always in the pink of health. I have made some efforts to fix my problems with the help of some good understanding friends. Secret Recipe has always been there for me. You know what the story with her Diary? She was my ex, I dumped her for Infinity and now, she is still there for me. I feel so bad and so sorry for what had happened between her and me. I treated her so badly and so unfairly last time. I cannot stop but to wonder why is she still being nice to me after what I have done to her. I would never blame her if she treats me like thrash nowadays but she isn’t and that only makes me feel even guilty towards her.
I have spent two nights at her house recently. We just talked about Minah Rempit and how surprised and shocked we were when we found out what she had done. We have never thought Minah Rempit would do such a thing. What Minah Rempit did to me was unacceptable and unbelievable. I have spent my time nowadays mostly to myself. I have been doing lots of thinking about things and the people around me. A few of my friends have asked me out, I have obliged to some of them but not to all. I am kind of tired nowadays. All I want to do is to spend time by myself. I am not shutting out the world but in times like this, I believe it is better to be alone, doing some reflections and planning about things. I am not giving up on anything neither am I hoping for anything but I do want to be happy and if being by myself makes me happy, then by all means I will do it.
I spend my time online nowadays, reading, writing and chatting with people I meet online. I can say that I am actively a virtual person now. Being online makes me relax, that is what I was probably missing in life when I first came to Malaysia. I was a happy person, full of motivations and hopes for people and myself. I was the strength for the weak ones. I think I make a better virtual friend than reality. I do not know Diary, but that’s what I think of myself now. I am so lazy to come out of the house since I got back. I spend a lot of time in my room coop up doing my own things. I feel save here with all the facilities and conveniences I can utilize. I don’t really know what I feel now Diary. There are so many things in my mind that sometimes I just wish they will all go away. I have to admit that I do a lot of thinking and my brain is working 24/7. I think it is just waiting for the time to explode and be blown to pieces.
I have missed a lot of people and I have been trying to get used to the fact that I am now alone. I am not being self pity or petty but after having someone around you for as long as you have, being alone again is really a tall order to do. Yes, I can go out with my friends and I am sure they will make me laugh but I know the laughter will only last for awhile. After all those short happy times, I still come back to an empty home.
I can always cope with being alone but the honest truth Diary is, I can’t or let me rephrase my sentence, I am not used to being lonely. Being alone and lonely are two different things. Being alone is just the physical part of it, I have always done things alone when I was in Singapore. I was pretty ok back then. I was full of confidence because I was not lonely. Nowadays, not only that I am alone but I am lonely too. I figured that my heart is missing someone or something that I used to have. My heart is longing for the thing that makes my soul happy and vibrant. It is like doing things on an empty stomach, when you feel hungry you can easily find something to eat to fill up that empty space in your stomach but when you do things on an empty heart, you simply cannot fill that empty space in your heart with food. The remedy is to find love. Love is the food to your heart and music is the food to your soul. Love is what can heal your sadness and loneliness.
How are you doing today? I really hope you are always in the pink of health. I have made some efforts to fix my problems with the help of some good understanding friends. Secret Recipe has always been there for me. You know what the story with her Diary? She was my ex, I dumped her for Infinity and now, she is still there for me. I feel so bad and so sorry for what had happened between her and me. I treated her so badly and so unfairly last time. I cannot stop but to wonder why is she still being nice to me after what I have done to her. I would never blame her if she treats me like thrash nowadays but she isn’t and that only makes me feel even guilty towards her.
I have spent two nights at her house recently. We just talked about Minah Rempit and how surprised and shocked we were when we found out what she had done. We have never thought Minah Rempit would do such a thing. What Minah Rempit did to me was unacceptable and unbelievable. I have spent my time nowadays mostly to myself. I have been doing lots of thinking about things and the people around me. A few of my friends have asked me out, I have obliged to some of them but not to all. I am kind of tired nowadays. All I want to do is to spend time by myself. I am not shutting out the world but in times like this, I believe it is better to be alone, doing some reflections and planning about things. I am not giving up on anything neither am I hoping for anything but I do want to be happy and if being by myself makes me happy, then by all means I will do it.
I spend my time online nowadays, reading, writing and chatting with people I meet online. I can say that I am actively a virtual person now. Being online makes me relax, that is what I was probably missing in life when I first came to Malaysia. I was a happy person, full of motivations and hopes for people and myself. I was the strength for the weak ones. I think I make a better virtual friend than reality. I do not know Diary, but that’s what I think of myself now. I am so lazy to come out of the house since I got back. I spend a lot of time in my room coop up doing my own things. I feel save here with all the facilities and conveniences I can utilize. I don’t really know what I feel now Diary. There are so many things in my mind that sometimes I just wish they will all go away. I have to admit that I do a lot of thinking and my brain is working 24/7. I think it is just waiting for the time to explode and be blown to pieces.
I have missed a lot of people and I have been trying to get used to the fact that I am now alone. I am not being self pity or petty but after having someone around you for as long as you have, being alone again is really a tall order to do. Yes, I can go out with my friends and I am sure they will make me laugh but I know the laughter will only last for awhile. After all those short happy times, I still come back to an empty home.
I can always cope with being alone but the honest truth Diary is, I can’t or let me rephrase my sentence, I am not used to being lonely. Being alone and lonely are two different things. Being alone is just the physical part of it, I have always done things alone when I was in Singapore. I was pretty ok back then. I was full of confidence because I was not lonely. Nowadays, not only that I am alone but I am lonely too. I figured that my heart is missing someone or something that I used to have. My heart is longing for the thing that makes my soul happy and vibrant. It is like doing things on an empty stomach, when you feel hungry you can easily find something to eat to fill up that empty space in your stomach but when you do things on an empty heart, you simply cannot fill that empty space in your heart with food. The remedy is to find love. Love is the food to your heart and music is the food to your soul. Love is what can heal your sadness and loneliness.
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