Dear Diary,
I woke up at 7am today feeling tired and sleepy. i didn't go to bed early last night. i was tired but i couldn't shut my brain off even though my eyes were shut tight. i was thinking about minah rempit and all the things on earth. i was thinking about what i am going to do when she comes back and what am i going to do if she doesn't. i was thinking about so many things until i find it hard to let myself go to sleep. my brain has been working non stop since i came back. i am supposed to go back to singapore this week but i have to wait until things between minah rempit and i are settled.
if there is any other reason why i have to delay my plan to go back to singapore besides ticket got sold out, it would be because of minah rempit. she has given me nothing but trouble. that's all she does...perhaps that's the only thing in her life's agenda. time after time i have tolerated her but this time, i won't take it anymore. some people just don't learned from their mistakes. they let histories repeat themselves and they are remorseful only for awhile.
she is coming back today and she was supposed to take the 12.20pm flight from jakarta to kl but she text me this afternoon and told me she had missed the flight. there were some problems with her passport and it got impounded by the indonesian immigration. she told me she bought a one way ticket and that's why her passport got impounded. when she text, i didn't get angry neither did i get dissapointed. i have taught myself to be calm and relax. i have taught myself to be contented with whatever that has happened in my life. i refuse to let myself get stressed or tensed over things. i have learnt to live life day by day as it comes.
when i received her text, i just told her to find another ticket so she could come back today and settle this issue with me and get it over and done with. i am really tired Diary...there will come a point in your life when you just want to live worry free. i think i have come to that stage now. i have had enough and my priority right now is to make myself happy even if it is only for awhile. i asked minah rempit how is she coming home, she told me has text some of her friends to ask a favour to fetch her but none have replied. i was saying to myself, who in the world would be willing to fetch you at that time of the day when you have made yourself worthless.
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i think after all the anger that has been stored inside me, there are some good and softer side of me that have always linger waiting to be explored. i offered to fetch her and she remorsefully accepted the offer. it is not about she still having my stuffs with her or it is not about wheather she owes me some explanations, it is just something that i feel i have to do. because i know what it feels like to be in her shoes. when you think everyone is against you, you will feel that you have no one else except for yourself. it is a misery to feel like that. somehow, my sympathy goes to her.
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i am writing to you now to tell you that i honestly don't know how i feel anymore. all i can think of is what my mother always tells me, to do good deeds to people regardless how they treat us, because people come into our life for reasons and purposes which we just won't know until things like this happened. it may be good and it may be bad but we always have to bear in our minds that these people are God sent. He probably wants to see how we reacted to these little challenges He gave us. this is the test of time everybody has to go through in these lives. perhaps, it can make me become more contented with what i have, perhaps it can make me realised how lucky i am to have such caring and responsible family and good friends that have always been there through my good and bad times. these are probably the messages that come together with the problems i am facing with. all i have to do is to solve the puzzle...patiently and with the belief that i am the chosen one because there is still love in the air for me from Him...
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