Dear Diary,
.
I haven’t been writing to Flying Babe for quite sometime now. It is not like I don’t remember her anymore, I do but I just feel that I have to stop writing to her. Every time I write to her, it will only make me miss her more. The more I miss her, the more I think of her and how we used to be. I do not like to be feeling so sad and miserable all over again. I know I have to move on and I have to let her move on too. I really don’t know what she is feeling now. I have no idea how is she doing because we have stopped communicating. The only time I get her messages is when she text me to say that she has received my letters or when she text me one of those forwarded messages. Like I told you Diary, how much can forwarded messages convey what you really feel inside?
.
There are many stories that I want to share with her but when I think back, the only reason why I wrote to her is because I am still in love with her. I had difficulty accepting the fact that she is no longer mine and thus writing the letters to her made me feel better a little. It was like living in dream lands where reality will not sink in or has not sunk in yet. Somehow, the reality has sunk in now and I am beginning to live in reality. I have decided to stop writing to her because I cannot allow myself to be overwhelmed by something that is so uncertain, so vague. I need something concrete to believe in. I am still feeling the pain inside me and I don’t know how else to let it heal except to face the pain myself. I have never told anyone about this pain I am feeling. It is just you Diary, my one and only loyal confidante.
.
I still cry whenever I think of her but with lesser tears. I have learnt to keep myself focus on what I really want in life. I still feel the sadness being apart from her but this is what is best for us, I supposed. We do not really talk about it but we just became apart and broke up. It was hard for me and I guess it was hard for her too. But she is so good at hiding her own feelings from people. When we were together, we didn’t live under the same roof. We made an agreement that we won’t be living under the same roof because each of us has had bad experiences with our ex’s. I thought by not living together would make things better and safer but after what happened between flying babe and I, I don’t really think it is a good idea.
.
I guessed you would have known now from the name I gave her, she flies often and it is worst when we are not living together. The only time I got to spend a lot of time with her was the time I sent and fetched her from LCCT. I had to follow her time table on that month and it was tiring for me but I did it for the love of my life. Fatigue and tiredness were not in my vocabulary at that time. I was a happy woman thinking those days will never end but they ended and my heart was crushed to a thin line the size of the margin in my exercise book, so thin I couldn’t even feel it. My relationship with her only lasted for two months. It didn’t even have the chance to blossom. The aura and vibes were short lived for reasons which I still do not know until now. I am just trying to fix the puzzle now and cooked up my own story why did it end.
.
Living in different homes made it a little difficult for us to be together even though it was only ten minutes drive away from where we live. I usually have to spend nights at her home just to be with her. To be spending time with her was something I really look forward to. It made me happy and by spending time with her, I manage to forget Infinity slowly. She once said that I am no different than Opportunist who still think and miss all her ex girlfriends. The only difference is, I don’t talk it out loud instead I just kept it to myself. She was wrong, totally wrong. It was hurtful to get remarks like that by someone you love. Because you expect her to know you better and when she made statements like that, it shows you that she easily jumps to conclusions based from her own past scary and bad experiences.
.
I haven’t been writing to Flying Babe for quite sometime now. It is not like I don’t remember her anymore, I do but I just feel that I have to stop writing to her. Every time I write to her, it will only make me miss her more. The more I miss her, the more I think of her and how we used to be. I do not like to be feeling so sad and miserable all over again. I know I have to move on and I have to let her move on too. I really don’t know what she is feeling now. I have no idea how is she doing because we have stopped communicating. The only time I get her messages is when she text me to say that she has received my letters or when she text me one of those forwarded messages. Like I told you Diary, how much can forwarded messages convey what you really feel inside?
.
There are many stories that I want to share with her but when I think back, the only reason why I wrote to her is because I am still in love with her. I had difficulty accepting the fact that she is no longer mine and thus writing the letters to her made me feel better a little. It was like living in dream lands where reality will not sink in or has not sunk in yet. Somehow, the reality has sunk in now and I am beginning to live in reality. I have decided to stop writing to her because I cannot allow myself to be overwhelmed by something that is so uncertain, so vague. I need something concrete to believe in. I am still feeling the pain inside me and I don’t know how else to let it heal except to face the pain myself. I have never told anyone about this pain I am feeling. It is just you Diary, my one and only loyal confidante.
.
I still cry whenever I think of her but with lesser tears. I have learnt to keep myself focus on what I really want in life. I still feel the sadness being apart from her but this is what is best for us, I supposed. We do not really talk about it but we just became apart and broke up. It was hard for me and I guess it was hard for her too. But she is so good at hiding her own feelings from people. When we were together, we didn’t live under the same roof. We made an agreement that we won’t be living under the same roof because each of us has had bad experiences with our ex’s. I thought by not living together would make things better and safer but after what happened between flying babe and I, I don’t really think it is a good idea.
.
I guessed you would have known now from the name I gave her, she flies often and it is worst when we are not living together. The only time I got to spend a lot of time with her was the time I sent and fetched her from LCCT. I had to follow her time table on that month and it was tiring for me but I did it for the love of my life. Fatigue and tiredness were not in my vocabulary at that time. I was a happy woman thinking those days will never end but they ended and my heart was crushed to a thin line the size of the margin in my exercise book, so thin I couldn’t even feel it. My relationship with her only lasted for two months. It didn’t even have the chance to blossom. The aura and vibes were short lived for reasons which I still do not know until now. I am just trying to fix the puzzle now and cooked up my own story why did it end.
.
Living in different homes made it a little difficult for us to be together even though it was only ten minutes drive away from where we live. I usually have to spend nights at her home just to be with her. To be spending time with her was something I really look forward to. It made me happy and by spending time with her, I manage to forget Infinity slowly. She once said that I am no different than Opportunist who still think and miss all her ex girlfriends. The only difference is, I don’t talk it out loud instead I just kept it to myself. She was wrong, totally wrong. It was hurtful to get remarks like that by someone you love. Because you expect her to know you better and when she made statements like that, it shows you that she easily jumps to conclusions based from her own past scary and bad experiences.
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