Dear Diary,
.
As I am writing to you, I am missing flying babe so much till the extent I find it hard to breathe. She has text me a couple of times, most of the text messages were I assumed forwarded messages carrying messages like you know only exist in forwarded messages. It is not that I do not appreciate her messages but when there are too many of them, I began to wonder how much she means what is stated in those messages. It makes me wonder, it makes me ponder and it makes me weaker in the heart.
.
When I was on my way to LCCT, I didn’t think of minah rempit that I was fetching. All I could think of at that time was flying babe. I have traveled often enough to and fro LCCT to send and fetch flying babe during those days. The route to LCCT reminds me of her and the aeroplanes make me think of her. I wonder how is she doing now and is she thinking of me like how I am thinking of her. Those were the days Diary; I thought they would never end. Never in a million years did it come across my mind that it would be over soon. If only I could show you how my heart is doing, I would so you could tell me the things I must do to remedy its condition. It hurts and it is killing my spirit and my soul slowly, giving me nothing but pain for every second I breathe.
.
I often asked myself where did it go wrong, why did I let her go without fighting for it. It was so easy for me to let her go when I didn’t want her to. I thought that was what I wanted or perhaps that was what she wanted. She merely asked me for some time but I volunteered to call it off. There was no heart to heart talk about it nor was there any moment of deep thinking before coming to the decision. It was an impulse I thought I should follow.
.
I have stopped talking about her and my friends don’t even know that we are no longer together because I do not want to have to talk about that idiotic impulsive break up anymore. I want to move on with my life but how can I move on when I am still in love with her? She made me forget about infinity, she grabbed hold of the love I once had for infinity and she threw it away. The love for infinity never came back but the love I have for flying babe grew stronger and just when it was about to blossom, it had to end without even giving me the chance to let her know how I really feel towards her.
.
Do you think it is too late now for me Diary? I have been crying my heart out about her alone in my room. I still have her pictures in my wallet, I still have her pictures pasted high up on the top right hand corner of my mirror, and I still have her pictures in my hand phone. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, all I see are pictures of her and they remind me of how she and I used to be. It was short lived, the time we had for each other but the memories I have with her still linger in my mind refusing to go away shaking me with all the sadness for the world to see.
.
My heart is filled with anger, regrets and sorrow because of one bloody emotion that we all call love. It is a total fucking waste of time. It brings nothing but tears, heartaches and pain. I do not want to feel it anymore…because it only makes me a weak, broken and miserable woman.
.
As I am writing to you, I am missing flying babe so much till the extent I find it hard to breathe. She has text me a couple of times, most of the text messages were I assumed forwarded messages carrying messages like you know only exist in forwarded messages. It is not that I do not appreciate her messages but when there are too many of them, I began to wonder how much she means what is stated in those messages. It makes me wonder, it makes me ponder and it makes me weaker in the heart.
.
When I was on my way to LCCT, I didn’t think of minah rempit that I was fetching. All I could think of at that time was flying babe. I have traveled often enough to and fro LCCT to send and fetch flying babe during those days. The route to LCCT reminds me of her and the aeroplanes make me think of her. I wonder how is she doing now and is she thinking of me like how I am thinking of her. Those were the days Diary; I thought they would never end. Never in a million years did it come across my mind that it would be over soon. If only I could show you how my heart is doing, I would so you could tell me the things I must do to remedy its condition. It hurts and it is killing my spirit and my soul slowly, giving me nothing but pain for every second I breathe.
.
I often asked myself where did it go wrong, why did I let her go without fighting for it. It was so easy for me to let her go when I didn’t want her to. I thought that was what I wanted or perhaps that was what she wanted. She merely asked me for some time but I volunteered to call it off. There was no heart to heart talk about it nor was there any moment of deep thinking before coming to the decision. It was an impulse I thought I should follow.
.
I have stopped talking about her and my friends don’t even know that we are no longer together because I do not want to have to talk about that idiotic impulsive break up anymore. I want to move on with my life but how can I move on when I am still in love with her? She made me forget about infinity, she grabbed hold of the love I once had for infinity and she threw it away. The love for infinity never came back but the love I have for flying babe grew stronger and just when it was about to blossom, it had to end without even giving me the chance to let her know how I really feel towards her.
.
Do you think it is too late now for me Diary? I have been crying my heart out about her alone in my room. I still have her pictures in my wallet, I still have her pictures pasted high up on the top right hand corner of my mirror, and I still have her pictures in my hand phone. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, all I see are pictures of her and they remind me of how she and I used to be. It was short lived, the time we had for each other but the memories I have with her still linger in my mind refusing to go away shaking me with all the sadness for the world to see.
.
My heart is filled with anger, regrets and sorrow because of one bloody emotion that we all call love. It is a total fucking waste of time. It brings nothing but tears, heartaches and pain. I do not want to feel it anymore…because it only makes me a weak, broken and miserable woman.
No comments:
Post a Comment