I have been staring blankly at this screen trying to figure out what I shall be writing today but the mental block disease has just hit me. Here I am with a face that can tell a thousand stories and a pair of eyes that will fall asleep any minute from now trying hard to squeeze the juice out of my brain for words of thoughts or rather wisdom to be put into today's entry. There are things that I want to say so badly but I am holding it because I feel that I should reserved it only to myself. You know that some things are better left unspoken don't you Diary?
I have been writing to a few of my friends almost everyday now and it brought me back to the time when I knew them. Writing to them has somehow help me deal with my lack of friends to share stories with. They help to ease the weight that I have been carrying in my heart. I do not let it all out to them but I simply write to them about my work and how I spent my day. It sure feels good to have someone you know who will read your thoughts and at least make an effort to reply you almost immediately. Everyday, I have made it my routine to send them a message. It has become a habit that I have replaced from writing letters to Flying Babe.
It somewhat brought me to the days when I had just hit rock bottom. Along the way, they came into my life and yes, they helped a bit in the healing process although there was no romance involved between us. They have always been polite and proper. They do not go overboard with their freedom to chat and do not send me signal that they are easy. There will always be a line that they do not cross whenever we chatted or e-mailed. That's how they earned my respect. I remembered how I got so fed up with them because they were too secretive of their well being that I got impatient with them. Well, who wouldn't Diary? But as time goes by, I realised that they deserved to be secretive because they do not manipulate my feelings to like them or to fall for them. They are just the simple next door type of girls who just happen to have the characteristics that I adore in a woman. They did not have to sweet talk me neither did they have to say naughty things to me, all they did was to be themselves; soft and natural. They are a friend of mind. They gather me. The pieces I am, they gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got women who are friends of your mind.
Perhaps I was the one who fancies them more than they fancy me. I don't know Diary. We drifted apart after awhile and there was no more chat or email sessions, only the occassional "hi" or "hello" greetings in Facebook. And now we started email again and they taught me a whole new perspective of relationships. I supposed as long as we live, we will always have to go through this process of finding and losing someone. It hurts but I supposed that's how it is. What's most important is, we cannot use our charm as a weapon to manipulate other people's feelings. Whatever may be, I knew I have a friend in them regardless of circumstances and I wish the same thing too for all the other friends of mine whoever they may be with a face or without a face for they have touched my life in their own special ways. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. The beautiful friends with brain. I do like to pass the day with them in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn't mind washing up beside them, dusting beside them, reading the back half of the paper while they read the front. We are friends and I would miss them, do miss them and think of them very often. I don't want to lose this happy space where I have found someone who is smart and easy and don't bother to check their diary when we arrange to meet in reality or virtually.
What have you been up to Diary? Have you been thinking of me like how I have about you? It amazes me how I want to tell you everything that I feel although I knew you are just one lifeless soul. Whatever I felt, I have thought of you almost instantaneously and if I can write to you right there and then, I would. That's how you made me feel Diary.
It is 1 am now and I just came back from an appointment. I met another client of mine who has the intention to sell her flat. She has the same profile of the woman I met a few nights ago. Single, and alone woman in her early forties. For her, the possibility of selling her house is high as she does not intend to buy another house if she sells. This woman is an existing rental client of mine. Remember my first deal Diary? Yes, she is the one. After renting one of her common room, she is thinking of selling her house now as she intends to live with her parents. Her case is bit complicated as it involves other family members of her who do seem to be taking advantage of her situation. I have become more than an agent with her but most significantly I have become a friend. I am happy about it. She trusts me so much that she allows me to have her password for her HDB and CPF account. You see what I mean Diary? This is the kind of agent I want to be to my clients. Alhamdulillah. I have to do some research for her and I hope it will turn out to be fruitful for the both of us.
It will depend on the result of my research to influence her to sell or rent her whole unit. I did not push her to sell because I want her to make her own decisions. Oh Diary, being an agent really makes me see what are the circumstances awaiting me if I do not prepare for my retirement from young. This is really a very insightful career and I do not plan to quit. I want to keep trying until I succeed for my own betterment. I like my career and I am loving it bit by bit as days go by.
To you and all my beautiful friends with lots of love and hugs, I catch you tomorrow. Always be with me in my silence and isolation...
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