it's a test everybody has to go through...

Dear Diary,

I woke up at 7am today feeling tired and sleepy. i didn't go to bed early last night. i was tired but i couldn't shut my brain off even though my eyes were shut tight. i was thinking about minah rempit and all the things on earth. i was thinking about what i am going to do when she comes back and what am i going to do if she doesn't. i was thinking about so many things until i find it hard to let myself go to sleep. my brain has been working non stop since i came back. i am supposed to go back to singapore this week but i have to wait until things between minah rempit and i are settled.

if there is any other reason why i have to delay my plan to go back to singapore besides ticket got sold out, it would be because of minah rempit. she has given me nothing but trouble. that's all she does...perhaps that's the only thing in her life's agenda. time after time i have tolerated her but this time, i won't take it anymore. some people just don't learned from their mistakes. they let histories repeat themselves and they are remorseful only for awhile.

she is coming back today and she was supposed to take the 12.20pm flight from jakarta to kl but she text me this afternoon and told me she had missed the flight. there were some problems with her passport and it got impounded by the indonesian immigration. she told me she bought a one way ticket and that's why her passport got impounded. when she text, i didn't get angry neither did i get dissapointed. i have taught myself to be calm and relax. i have taught myself to be contented with whatever that has happened in my life. i refuse to let myself get stressed or tensed over things. i have learnt to live life day by day as it comes.

when i received her text, i just told her to find another ticket so she could come back today and settle this issue with me and get it over and done with. i am really tired Diary...there will come a point in your life when you just want to live worry free. i think i have come to that stage now. i have had enough and my priority right now is to make myself happy even if it is only for awhile. i asked minah rempit how is she coming home, she told me has text some of her friends to ask a favour to fetch her but none have replied. i was saying to myself, who in the world would be willing to fetch you at that time of the day when you have made yourself worthless.

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i think after all the anger that has been stored inside me, there are some good and softer side of me that have always linger waiting to be explored. i offered to fetch her and she remorsefully accepted the offer. it is not about she still having my stuffs with her or it is not about wheather she owes me some explanations, it is just something that i feel i have to do. because i know what it feels like to be in her shoes. when you think everyone is against you, you will feel that you have no one else except for yourself. it is a misery to feel like that. somehow, my sympathy goes to her.

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i am writing to you now to tell you that i honestly don't know how i feel anymore. all i can think of is what my mother always tells me, to do good deeds to people regardless how they treat us, because people come into our life for reasons and purposes which we just won't know until things like this happened. it may be good and it may be bad but we always have to bear in our minds that these people are God sent. He probably wants to see how we reacted to these little challenges He gave us. this is the test of time everybody has to go through in these lives. perhaps, it can make me become more contented with what i have, perhaps it can make me realised how lucky i am to have such caring and responsible family and good friends that have always been there through my good and bad times. these are probably the messages that come together with the problems i am facing with. all i have to do is to solve the puzzle...patiently and with the belief that i am the chosen one because there is still love in the air for me from Him...

Simple Plan Went Wrong...

Dear Diary,

i wish i hadn't been so careless about all the decisions i have made since i moved here. things have not been pretty smooth for me. sometimes i wish i could start all over again and prevent myself from making the wrong choices that i have made. but you and i know that it is just impossible to turn back time and undo the decisions we have made. how have you been doing Diary? has life been treating you good? i hope it has...because you are the most loyal and faithful listener that i have known. you listen without talking back and you hear without prejudice. you never put me down and i love you for that. not that i hate to be brought back to reality but most of the times, i just want to pour out what i am feeling deep inside. it doesn't matter what i say or write, i just want to let go in writing without being scrutinised. at least that would lighten the weight i am carrying.

i met up with a new friend the other night. i was introduced to her by another friend. she and i began texing each other. it was just casual conversations, nothing intimate and nothing flirtatious. it was purely based on normal everyday talks. i was too tired to meet up but i was on my way to KL that night and i have planned to meet her at subang at 1030pm. in the car i figured that it was a bit of a rush so i arranged for her to meet me at KL since i was going there. i was with secret recipe that night and she called another friend to come and joined us. so when that new friend of mine came, there were four of us. the night out was rather boring because i was tired and sleepy but i had to entertain that new friend, oh Diary, let's just call her Simple Plan shall we? I had to entertain Simple Plan because she didn't know any of my friends. I tried to make her feel comfortable and i think she did. she was simple in dressing and i am assuming in everything as well. we talked about work, food, business, cars and any other things that came across our minds. while talking i tried so hard to stay awake. my eyes were blood shot and i looked haggard. i knew she noticed that but i didn't want to make it look obvious so i put up my very best active expressions. i think i failed and she repeatedly asked if i wanted to go home.

how i wished i could go home the moment she asked but i couldn't because i was not driving on that night. secret recipe drove me and i had to wait for her to send me home. and then, Simple Plan was on the phone with that friend of mine, Americano. I heard Simple Plan told Americano that i was with her and I immediately gave Simple Plan some cue not to tell. it was really nothing big to talk about but the implication was rather serious now. i don't know diary...i guess some people just take things too seriously. the reason why i preferred Americano not to know is because Americano and her Gf, Miss Decent had asked me out on that night to a club. i am really not a club person nowadays. i am confident that i have graduated from those days. when the offer came, i simply had to reject, furthermore i was tired. secret recipe asked me out to dinner and i just couldn't refused because she has been there for me during the times i needed moral support. how could i say no to someone whom i have done wrongs but still stand by me in times of my needs. so, with my tired face, blood shot eyes and feverish body temperature, i went out with secret recipe...and since Simple Plan is in KL too, i asked if she wanted to join us.

so it all started from there...i was afraid that Americano and Miss Decent would have hard feelings towards me since i had to refuse their invitation to the club. so much for trying to protect people from having hard feelings towards me but i screwed up myself. being the usual laid back and 'selamba' me, i told Miss Decent that i have met Simple Plan and then she started to sound offended which i just couldn't understand.

do you know what would i do if i were her Diary? I would just laugh at it and tease myself. so i would look younger than my age and be a happier person without taking things like that too seriously. but i guess some people take everything seriously and little things like that do seem offensive. what can i do what can i say...we live on different principles...some people like to laugh at things while others just like to be tough cookies to please...

Mother, I Am Sorry...

Dear Diary,
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I am feeling a little disturbed today. I had a misunderstanding with mum just now over some petty issues. It was a small matter but i couldn't handle it well. I thought I could take it easy but too many things have happened to me, I was so stressed up and tense filled the air. I am overloaded with problems Diary. I am so pressured with so many unsolved issues and outstanding errands.

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it all started at dinner when mum asked me to take a ladle for one of the dishes she cooked. the thing about mum is, she has this attitude about using the right cooking utensils for the right purpose. you know how old traditional Malay women can get when it comes to the kitchen department don't you diary? yeah..sounds familiar? so i went to the kitchen to take the ladle but i couldn't find anything that best suit the situation at that time, so i took a ladle which was just a little too big for the bowl of dish. when i came to the dining hall and place the over sized ladle into the bowl, mum freaked out and told me off like as if i had done the sin of my lifetime. not only she told me off but she did it in her high pitch annoying voice. god, i hate it so much when she did that. it can easily drives me up the wall and if it were one of my friend who did that to me, i could just give that friend of mine a tight slap in the face till her face turns 360 degrees.

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i was so angry with her for being too particular about simple things like that. i have been brought up by her to be like that too and even how much i hate it, i have to tolerate and listen to her but this time i felt it was too much of her. we were just going to have dinner as a family, just myself, mum and dad. i couldn't understand what's the big deal over the right size of ladle. why couldn't she just give her rules a break sometime?

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i retaliated Diary, i couldn't control my temper and i snapped at her and i told her how i have become tired of her annoying rules and regulations in the kitchen. i was harsh, and you know how i am when i am pissed don't you? believe me Diary, that was the last thing i wanted to do to mum. i am writing to you with regret now. i skipped dinner because i was too angry to eat. i was hungry but i just starved myself. i can feel that my anger was building up that night and at that moment, all i could think of is flying babe...how i wish i could just pick up the phone and call her...I miss her so much...

Not Everybody Is Once Bitten Twice Shy

Dear Diary,

I am not back to Subang but i know what had happened there. my stuffs got stolen and it was done by who else but that minah rempit. this is the second time it has happened and i am just so bloody pissed right now. the first time it happened, she apologised. she came to me crying like a kid who did not get the candy she wanted. it was an ugly sight. i didn't mentioned anything about my stuffs she took, instead i only asked her about what she really wanted in her life.

i was with FnB and we went to search for minah rempit together cause she had FnB's laptop which she had borrowed for over two weeks and did not return. we managed to locate her and got back the laptop. i got my stuffs back from minah rempit's room, they were hidden in a box like as if she really did not want me to find them. i lost my trust in her. she actually duplicated the key to my room and that's how she got in. i asked for the key back and she told me she had threw it away. i didn't want to push anymore so i let it be. this time it happened, she took more stuffs from my room including my money. it was very shocking that she would do such a thing because we have been friends for almost eight years now. who could have thought that she would have the heart to do something like that. i am really appalled with what had happened.

when i found out my stuffs got stolen, i did my own investigation works from singapore. after thirteen years of chatting, surfing and browsing online actively, i have made many networks. i made a few phonecalls to people i believed have the informations for me and it was confirmed that she was in indonesia. i assumed that she actually only intended to 'borrow' my stuffs to look nice, stylish and perhaps expensive over there. she didn't have the means to be like that on her own because she always focus on love instead of goals. she is the kind of person that would die for love and treats her life partners like God.

after the first phase of my investigations, i got another cell of mine (this really makes me feel like a terrorist lah..'cell' seeehhh...) to get hold of someone online from indonesia to confirm the whereabouts of this minah rempit. i got a few numbers and i made some long distance calls. i didn't worry about the bills, all i wanted was my stuffs back. you know diary, i have this thing about my possesions. i am very possesive about my belongings and i hate, let me repeat that, i hate to have people wearing or using my stuffs. i am a bit of a freak when it comes to that. it is not like i am stingy but i am just not used to sharing. we can blame that on my parents i think...
i spoke to this indonesian who happened to be a friend of another indonesian that minah rempit has been staying with in indonesia. do you get what i mean? apparently, minah rempit has been going steady with this girl from indonesia (let's call her Windy). so minah rempit is putting up at windy's place. this indonesian (let's call him Help 1) i spoke to happened to be a god brother of windy. now, i explained to Help 1 about my situation and predicaments. she gave me another number to call and requested me to text her my story so that she could forward the text to windy, so windy could see for herself what kind of a new girlfriend she has for herself. i did as i was told. and in the early evening, i got a message from windy to ask me to call her.

i made that phonecall and i managed to speak to minah rempit. it was not just my money that she stole, but my digital camera, seven pieces of my tops and 2 pieces of my bottoms, a pair of shoes, two watches, a bag and my sunglasses. all these belongings of mine when accumulated the prices, thay could reach to RM5K. i kept my cool when i was talking to her, i told her that i want my stuffs back by the 25th of January otherwise i would go to her family house to let her family knows about this and then i would make a police report. i told her not to take me lightly and i made sure she listened. she promised me she would deliver my stuffs to me. there are a lot of other stories about her i have heard from Help 1 and i honestly have lost total respect for her. there are just too many lies that she has told and they are actually trapping her.

all these talks about she having what she does not have in malaysia is just too much for me to stomach. i have begun to see her true colours and how and what people can do just to have that feel and sense of belonging. i asked her what made her do what she has done, she told me she just wanted to go to indonesia to meet windy. she doesn't have anything that she could be proud of. she doesn't have anything that she could show off. so she had to steal...i was silent. i was just thinking how lucky some of us who have the means to have what we want when others just can afford to admire what we have. they are not really expensive or special edition stuffs that she took from me, they are just ordinary stuffs that i bought with my own money and some were given to me by very special people in my hearts. they have sentimental values that cannot be bought with money. i told her to post the stuffs back and i will not report to the police. she promised me she will and even windy was shocked about the news. she gave her word to me.

i will wait until 25th of January and if the stuffs are not returned to me, i have no choice but to report it to the authorities. i might have to let go of this one friendship i have built for over eight years now. it is waste and i hope she will learn from this lesson that there are limits to what we can do to people who are nice.

Coming Through The New Year

Dear Diary,

I have been writing letters to flyingbabe almost everyday nowadays. i have been missing her but i can only afford to let her know through my letters. things have changed and i guess it is better that i let her know how i feel through my writings. she told me she loves reading my letters, they make her feel so close to me.

how are you doing diary? i hope u r good and always in the pink of health. i am coping with things that happened in 2008, i am not bringing them into 2009 but i think they are still lingering in the backgrounds. memories are hard to delete because we are not computers that has the capability to store data only for awhile. we do not have the 'delete' button to clear all the datas away.

i am always thinking of her and most of the times i wonder if she is thinking of me too. i have wrote so many letters to her. i bought blue envelopes to post the letters to her. i chose blue because it is her favourite colour. i like blue too, the colour represents serenity, i think.

i have started communicating with infinity. we started off online but i think when i come back, i will probably ask her out for a drink. i have finally come to terms with my loss. it was difficult in the beginning but with the new year spirit, i am thinking positive now. life is too short not to let go of grudges,sadness, bitterness and unhappiness. i have forgiven her a long time ago, but i was just too heartbroken and dissapointed. i needed time and infinity didn't let me have the time, she just wanted me to accept her as a friend immediately after the break up. how could i diary? my relationship with her was the longest i have had. she was my first living partner, my family. it was never easy for me to take her as a friend overnight after having her as more than just a living partner.

we did things together, we were one, we slept in the same bed, we ate from the same plate, we lived under one roof and we drank from the same cup. infinity taught me what living partnership is all about, something that i would never learnt in singapore. she was always there for me, never failed not to be there. i felt so safe when i was with her because i knew i had her. you know diary, when you are all alone in a foreign country without your family around, you will get so attached with your living partner. that's how i got so attached with infinity, we were each other's shadows. there are so many things to say about her but i will save the best for last.

things are different now...i have flyingbabe in my mind even though the feelings might not be mutual anymore. i really don't know what to think diary...i have made mistakes with flyingbabe and i am trying to fix it back..hope always springs eternal in the human heart...

Spending My Time...

Dear Diary,

How are you doing today? I really hope you are always in the pink of health. I have made some efforts to fix my problems with the help of some good understanding friends. Secret Recipe has always been there for me. You know what the story with her Diary? She was my ex, I dumped her for Infinity and now, she is still there for me. I feel so bad and so sorry for what had happened between her and me. I treated her so badly and so unfairly last time. I cannot stop but to wonder why is she still being nice to me after what I have done to her. I would never blame her if she treats me like thrash nowadays but she isn’t and that only makes me feel even guilty towards her.


I have spent two nights at her house recently. We just talked about Minah Rempit and how surprised and shocked we were when we found out what she had done. We have never thought Minah Rempit would do such a thing. What Minah Rempit did to me was unacceptable and unbelievable. I have spent my time nowadays mostly to myself. I have been doing lots of thinking about things and the people around me. A few of my friends have asked me out, I have obliged to some of them but not to all. I am kind of tired nowadays. All I want to do is to spend time by myself. I am not shutting out the world but in times like this, I believe it is better to be alone, doing some reflections and planning about things. I am not giving up on anything neither am I hoping for anything but I do want to be happy and if being by myself makes me happy, then by all means I will do it.

I spend my time online nowadays, reading, writing and chatting with people I meet online. I can say that I am actively a virtual person now. Being online makes me relax, that is what I was probably missing in life when I first came to Malaysia. I was a happy person, full of motivations and hopes for people and myself. I was the strength for the weak ones. I think I make a better virtual friend than reality. I do not know Diary, but that’s what I think of myself now. I am so lazy to come out of the house since I got back. I spend a lot of time in my room coop up doing my own things. I feel save here with all the facilities and conveniences I can utilize. I don’t really know what I feel now Diary. There are so many things in my mind that sometimes I just wish they will all go away. I have to admit that I do a lot of thinking and my brain is working 24/7. I think it is just waiting for the time to explode and be blown to pieces.

I have missed a lot of people and I have been trying to get used to the fact that I am now alone. I am not being self pity or petty but after having someone around you for as long as you have, being alone again is really a tall order to do. Yes, I can go out with my friends and I am sure they will make me laugh but I know the laughter will only last for awhile. After all those short happy times, I still come back to an empty home.

I can always cope with being alone but the honest truth Diary is, I can’t or let me rephrase my sentence, I am not used to being lonely. Being alone and lonely are two different things. Being alone is just the physical part of it, I have always done things alone when I was in Singapore. I was pretty ok back then. I was full of confidence because I was not lonely. Nowadays, not only that I am alone but I am lonely too. I figured that my heart is missing someone or something that I used to have. My heart is longing for the thing that makes my soul happy and vibrant. It is like doing things on an empty stomach, when you feel hungry you can easily find something to eat to fill up that empty space in your stomach but when you do things on an empty heart, you simply cannot fill that empty space in your heart with food. The remedy is to find love. Love is the food to your heart and music is the food to your soul. Love is what can heal your sadness and loneliness.

A Sad New Year

Dear diary,

I have been sad almost everyday since December. Year 2008 had not been a good one for me. There were too many cases of hearts getting broken and sad stories. Everything happened after I walked away from infinity’s life. Things were not always on my side after I left her. It was such a painful break up, the hardest one that I have had to experience. I have been analyzing and thinking what was it about our relationship that made it the hardest break up ever for me. It really had an impact on me, an impact that I could never imagine, like a child who just lost his parents.

My relationship with infinity was the longest one out of all my previous relationships. It was the most special, trusting, sincere and pure. I felt so belonged to her when I was with her. There was nothing that I worried about when I was with her. There was nothing that I ever afraid of because I knew she was with me always. We were like twins, people thought of us as sisters with her being the eldest one. There was no place that she went without me around. Probably many of us have had this kind of relationship but to someone like me who has had 15 previous relationships, I honestly find that my relationship with her was the most special. It was my first of that kind. We lived under the same roof, ate from the same plate, drank from the same cup, slept in the same bed and showered in the same bathroom. The thing about infinity was how secured she made me feel just by being with her. Do you know that feeling Diary? She was always there for me, my strength when I was weak and my eyes when I couldn’t see. It is like I do not need anymore friends to keep me company because I have her every day of my life. She has become my flesh and blood by marriage even though that marriage is not recognized by anyone else except for people like us. She has become my soul mate, the only person I share my deepest thoughts and views, the only person I came back home to, the person that will be the first to know my sad and happy stories.

I have let her come into my world, I taught her my hobbies and I told her of my fantasies. We cried and we laughed together. We tolerated each other like there was no tomorrow. We teased each other and pampered one another because we knew we only have each other in our lives. We have touched each other’s hearts in our own special ways. We understood each other even when none of us are talking. It was so real the love we had for each other.

I have missed her so much until I suffocated. I have missed the smell of her hair, her sweat and her presence. If only I could let her know how regretful I am for walking away. It is too late now Diary. I am here all alone still standing, facing 2009 full of hopes for another taste of happiness and serenity. I am here now to pick up the pieces all by myself with some understanding from good close friends. I am learning how to walk again like a baby who has just graduated from his crawling days. I am not limping neither am I a crippled but it sure feel blessed to be able to learn how to walk again before I forget how.

No More Night Coaches

Dear diary,

I am home in Singapore with my family at last. I am here to spend the eid with them and like usual, to help my mum with the household chores. This is what I do yearly and I have never run away from my responsibilities. Perhaps, I never got the chance to do that and that is why I never skip it. I am living overseas now but it is only Malaysia, which is just a stone throw away from Singapore and I do not see a strong and logical reason for me not to spend the eid with my family.

Like always, infinity sent me to pudu raya to take my bus and we were an hour early. There is a saying, it is better to be three hours too early than one minute too late. I guess we lived by that saying on that day. The bus journey to Singapore was fine with no major mishaps. To tell you the truth, I am quite afraid nowadays to take the coach home because of the wide media coverage on accidents that involved coaches. I know I cannot fight fate if it is really my turn to go but you know safety precautions are what I can do. I have stopped taking night coaches home. The possibility of accidents I guess is at night where it is dark and drivers have to stay awake just to get to the destination. Not only because of accidents, got my phone stolen from the coach the other night when I was on my way to Singapore. Oh, I have not told you about it, have I?

We were at Malaysia’s custom and we had to get down from the bus to get our passports stamped. I was searching for my passport and I left my phone on the seat next to me. When I found my passport, I got down leaving my phone on the seat. I was the last to get down and it was impossible to think that other passengers of the bus stole the phone. When all of us got our passports stamped, we had to wait for the bus longer than usual. It was long and I began to worry about my phone. We later found out that some thugs boarded our coach to warn the driver to disallow non-passengers of the coach to hitch a ride to the Singapore custom checkpoint. There were five of them and they threatened to beat him if he disagrees. I knew what they meant because I personally had the service of these thugs if I had left with no option. These people offer illegal taxi service to Singapore from jb with a charge. It is quite popular among Singaporeans to use their service because they send us straight to our doorsteps without hassle. When I got to my seat, I could not find my phone and I knew it then that those thugs stole my phone. It was frustrating and I promised myself not to take night coaches back to Singapore. I guessed we were all lucky because they only boarded the bus when we were not on board and they could not do us any harm. However, imagine something else that nobody wishes would happen...now that is scary. I told mum about it and she is strongly against the idea too. I take the morning or afternoon coach nowadays and I keep my personal belongings to my body.

Since my phone was gone, I have been using my old phone. I got back my contact list but most of them are not updated and I am missing some of my friends’ number. It is hard when you do not have a back up copy of your contacts. I had to wait until I get a text message or a call from them and only then, I am able to get back their number otherwise I will just have to wait. Talking about that, I have not heard any news from oldie. Her number is gone and she is not texing nor is she calling me. I don’t know how is she doing now but I hope she will keep in touch with me soon. Perhaps the same thing happens to her too and she’s also waiting for me to text or call her. That’s funny if it is true. Whatever it is, I hope she reads you someday and know that I am looking for her just to catch up on old times because she is one of the friends I have that I treasure. I hope she knows.

Thank You For Hearing Me...!

Dear Diary,

How has it been going for you? I hope you are well and in the pink of health. In case you are wondering, I am fine and alive. Things are better than before on my side and I have so much to tell you. I just hope you are willing to listen to me and read my thought attentively. I know that I have skipped apologising to you this time but believe me diary, I think if I were to practice that, I will have to do it everytime I wrote to you and it can be boring. You know how often I write to you nowadays don’t you? With that kind of frequency, I am sure I have to make apologising to you a must.

Let us just forget about the apologising part shall we? Let us begin without apologising and go straight to the point. Please do not tell me it is too much to ask for. Like I said earlier, things have never been better for me and I am actually enjoying every moment of it. Do you remember my birthday wish recently? Do you know that my wish has been granted? Yes diary, I got what I have wished for. It may not be big but I know this will be the stepping-stone before I move on to bigger things. I am running my own drink stall now and I am so proud of it.

I have never planned this and it was all a coincident. I think He heard my prayers and grant me my wish after considering my good deeds even though I know deep down I have more bad deeds than good deeds. I know I have not been a good Muslim but this is where the phrase God is great and God is fair applied. I have always believed in him without any doubts and I still do. It all started with infinity, as she asked if I were interested to be a shareholder of a stall in a food court. I was looking for home based jobs actively and more often than usual, I was duped. Although I did not voice to her my frustrations and disappointments, she knew deep inside what I felt. I was skeptical about investing in the stall because believe me it was so sudden and it was really a bit of a rush. I remember it was on Thursday and if we agreed to take up the stall, we were suppose to start the operation on the following Monday.

I followed infinity to the food court to view the stall. It was allright but still I was skeptical. I did not obliged to infinity’s request instead I let her be the main shareholder while I just gave her moral support. She got the stall and began operating on Monday with her brother running the stall. The first day was a mess without proper preparations and the following day, infinity and I decided to give the stall helping hands. I knew I was not obligated to help but I wanted to show infinity that I care about her interest and that is why I came. It was terrible, horrible and almost reaching to a stage where you can call it unbelievable. I was ashamed actually having to take care of a stall, which obviously shows signs that the owner did not have an inkling of an idea on how to run a food stall. It was very apparent and I just wished I could do something about it. After the peak periods, I sat down with infinity and her brother to do a post mortem. I told them what they should do with the stall, what the stall should have and what it should not have.

I told them to have shelves for the glasses and stocks so the stall will not be messy. I told them that they must have a big water pot with dispenser because with that kind of water dispenser, customer’s waiting time will be cut short. In that food court, to eliminate customer’s waiting time is crucial because the crowd comes at once. It has this school canteen concept where you are most busy during breakfast and lunch. It is during that peak periods that you have to be fast and efficient giving quick service. With old- fashioned equipments and inefficient staffs with no sense of urgency at all, how can the stall reach a standard where its service is satisfactory to the customers?
At that point of time, I was telling myself if only I had taken up infinity’s offer to become a shareholder, I would turn the stall into the stall of the century. I just realised I have so much ideas and knowledge. It just hit me then that this could be the reason why I was destined to work part time at cafes, restaurants and fast food outlets when I was a teenager. Perhaps God has planned all this for me and I guess this is the time where I must show the tallents I have inside me.

Infinity offered me again and knowing that perhaps this offer could be the answer to my prayers, without a doubt I took her offer and I have been put in charge of the stall’s daily operation. In other words, I have the most say on the stall’s day to day activities and I can see that the other shareholders are happy with my performance and that makes me feel very proud. Infinity often thank me for making the stall into what it is now. I smiled and I told her, we did it together, we turned the stall from nothing into something. Deep down inside, I thank God for making my dreams come true. I need something like this and He hears my prayer. Infinity happens to be the channel he sent my wish and this enforces what I have always believe that is, there is always a reason for something to happen.

After three months of running the stall, infinity and I are looking forward to expand our business. We look forward to open up a café restaurant in a year’s time and I have promised myself that I will bring to life our fantasies come what may for the benefits of my family especially my parents.

Happy Birthday To Me...

Dear diary,

I spent my birthday today with my parents driving them to my mum’s hometown. It was tiring because I just climbed mount berembun and siku a day prior to my birthday and then I had to use every bit of my energy to focus driving. It was about 2.5 hours journey and I really felt tired. We left on Friday evening to cameron for mount berembun and siku and came back to subang on Sunday evening. I took the coach to singapore on Monday afternoon, arrived singapore at 10 at night and I drove to muar the next day at 7 in the morning. My eldest brother couldn’t drive my parents and so I had to fill up the vacant position. I really don’t mind driving them because I know I haven’t done much for them since I got my license.

Ever since I got it, I have been driving in malaysia most of the times. I hardly drive in singapore and therefore, if my parents asked for my help, I would gladly oblige. It’s just something that I think I could do for them for now. I do not have the luxuries of showering them with cash and wealth looking at my status as a student. Being able to contribute that much, I hope is sufficient to put smiles on their faces. You know diary, I feel bad for my brother come to think of it. You know that there are only the two of us now and since I am living in malaysia, he is the only one left to take care of my parents. It’s not like I wanted to pass the responsibility wholly to my brother but believe me diary, if I have the means I would bring my parents along with me but you know I can’t. I am having some problems getting by over here and how am I suppose to support my parents. At times, I wish I didn’t make the decision to move over to malaysia because I knew if I continued living in singapore, I will be in my comfort zone with money to spend and supporting my parents wouldn’t be a problem.

I really do feel sorry for my parents having to support me when I should be the one supporting them. I feel useless sometimes you know. Damn…I hate this feeling. It’s just that things are a little rocky for us now and you know how easily affected I am with my surroundings. I am sensitive and I wish I had not been sensitive. Do you know what I really want to do right now diary? All I want to do is to go back to work and make a living so that I could be the source of income to my parents. I want to be cash rich and have money to spend for my parents. I want them to stop working and enjoy life while they could, I want to send them for holidays and I want to give them a sense of assurance that I’ll be there for the family in times of needs. I want them to know that they can depend on me because I am their pillar of strengths. If only I could achieve what I dream of for them in a short time. Those are my birthday wish for now and I hope to achieve it soon…InsyaAllah.Happy Birthday to me...

Don't Irritate Me Further Sammy

Dear diary,

Ever since I am with eternity, I am really going active with mountain climbing. It is something that I have a big interest. You know that I have started climbing since I was 19 and had to stop because of some inevitable reason. I have climbed kinabalu, tahan, panti, belumut, ledang and now I can add a few more names to my already existing list of mountains. Mount datuk, berembun and siku are the new collection that I have added and not forgetting, bekelah waterfall. The list will grow in a few weeks time but I know I have to watch my budget as well.You know, I wonder at times if I hadn’t met eternity would I be active again. I knew I should be thankful that I have met her because she is responsible for rekindling my passion for mountain climbing.

I hope to do this for as long as I could with her because it is good to have someone you are very comfortable with doing the things you like together. I am so used to doing things with her nowadays that I find it odd and incomplete when she is not around. I really do treasure her diary, and I wish she knows although I always snap easily with her.I climbed the new collections of mountain with a friend of eternity’s brother whose name I shall call sammy to protect his identity. Sammy is a big guy with big tummy and chest. My first impression of him was that he must be some guy who’s tough and rugged with a good stamina. He seemed like the guy who will be the last man to reach every campsite and the summit of a mountain not because his slow or weak but because he’s just the kind that would make sure anyone didn’t left behind or got lost. In other words, he would always be the last man in a group.

However, my good impression of him slowly deterioriates after trekking with him three times. His attitude turned me off and I did not think highly of him anymore. I didn’t notice it the first time I trekked with him but after awhile, I realised that he was actually just trying to show off when he hasn’t really got anything to show off. The first time I trekked with him, he talked about mount stong non-stop. I figured that he must be quite an experienced climber and has about more than five mountains in his list of mountains he climbed before. I was wrong and it turned out that he had less than my expected figure. That explains why he only talked about mount stong to us. I am not trying to underestimate neither am I trying to belittle him. It is just that, he acts and talks like a very experienced mountain climber when he is not and that really annoys me.

He always wants people to listen to his suggestions and ideas when they are not at all practical. Worse of all, even though he does not say it officially to us, he seems to want to form his own team or club and sadly, he thinks that eternity and I are willing to be his pioneer team or club members. He suggested that any balance of money collected from every trip will not be refunded as the money will be used to buy equipments. I really do not know for whom the equipments are for as I already have enough equipments of my own. The idea is fine if every one of us agreed to form a club or team of our own. But since none of us agreed except for him, I just find that the idea is not right. Any balance of money must be refunded accordingly and if he feels like buying anything, he should be using his own money instead. Then again, this explains why he hasn’t had any basic equipments. I rest my case about the equipments now.

When we were planning to climbed mount datuk, he suggested for us not to bring anything except for out water bottles. In my mind, we were going to climb the mountain in the wee hour in the morning and from what I have heard, it usually takes about one to two hours of climbing depending on your speed. We were to leave for mount datuk at eleven at night. With one to one and a half hour of travelling, our estimated time to reach the base of the mountain was one to two in the morning and we were going to climb once we got there. It doesn’t take a professional climber to know that he will reach the summit before the sun is up. Surely any average person would be able to tell if it is going to be cold or not up in the mountain in the wee hour in the morning. Unfortunately, sammy couldn’t tell and he brought nothing at all with him except his water bottle hanging from his belt. He thought that I brought too many things and commented on my heavy backpack. He made a couple unpleasant remarks about eternity’s and my decision to carry stuffs up in the mountain.

His remarks and comments made me wondered before the climb if he really knew what he brought with him. I remained silent and waited till the end of the climb. We reached the summit at half past four in the morning. The wind was happily blowing at our direction. While I was unpacking my bag, he asked for a ground sheet, I gave it to him and continued to set up my air mat to sleep. Eternity and I slept quite comfortably as we had our sweaters and windbreakers on. In the middle of our sleep, what I had expected turned out to be true. Sammy complaint of how cold it was to another of our friend.

Eternity and I pretended not to hear and continued sleeping. I didn’t want to offer him a layer of my sweater because I felt he didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t trying to be selfish but he was proud with me before and that annoyed me. It was so silly of him to suggest to us not to bring anything and how I was glad we didn’t listen to him. I am so glad that from the few mountains I have climbed, I have gained a couple of experiences and I managed to put it into good use. Most of all, I am thankful that eternity and I did not become victims to sammy’s silly and impractical ideas.

Bringing It To Life Again...

Dear diary,

It seems to me that I have to do this every time I start writing to you nowadays. Forgive me for not writing for such a long time. I haven’t been busy but I always think that I am busy until the extent I ignore you. I didn’t mean to ignore you but with life over here, no fixed income and no internet connection at home, I am just lazy to write even though I have so much more stories to share with you than living in Singapore. I really do have so many stories to tell you but I have been holding them back far too long until I forgot most of the stories. Perhaps we can start from the latest to the not so latest one. How about that diary?

I have been climbing mountains and I can see myself being active again like how I was ten years ago. It was different back then and now. I was young and probably I was stronger then than now. Climbing mountains nowadays is easy with all the equipments I have in store but money is not that easy to come by. I have to finance myself and it can be tough when I am a student waiting for my pocket money from my parents. It’s just so sad isn’t it? I am looking for ways to boost my financial status and I know I can do that even though I am a student.

The only drawback I have is, I am a foreigner here. It’s not that easy as it may seem but I know I will get by. I am thankful and grateful for the number of friends and relatives I have over here. They can be useful when I really need their help. Oh, I forgot to mention that, they are the most reliable and trustworthy friends and relatives. In another word, they are friends and relatives with quality. Anybody can have an abundant supply of friends and relatives but not anybody can have friends and relatives that can offer you help with just one phone call.

Ok, let us not sway from what I wanted to write to you. Now, what is it that I wanted to write to you? Oh yeah…it’s about me going active again with mountain climbing. I have climbed mount ophir seven times and I did it twice within the past six months. Can you believe that diary? I brought eternity along in that two trips and I think she already is my climbing buddy officially. Of course, we did not make any ceremony to acknowledge that we are each other’s climbing buddy but I think both of us know it.

Eternity has improved on her personality during the second trip. Although she was a little slower than the first trip, in terms of teamwork, she has improved tremendously. She helped me cook, clean and set up the tent this time round. She knew what she had to do and I didn’t have to tell her what to do. I really appreciate her company this time and I knew then, her company is essential when I go mountain climbing. The second trip was longer than the first one. We spent two nights up in the mountain, so we had plenty of time to relax and unwind. I brought along cross word puzzle but eternity devoted much of her free time to it so I didn’t spend my time with it. I had diarrhoea on the second day and it really surprised me because I have climbed a couple of mountains and never had diarrhoea before. It was quite an experience without the basic facilities. I even had to squat on a piece of rock at the waterfall with running stream water underneath my buttock so that it will wash away my waste. Oh gee, I can’t imagine telling it to you. The best part about it all was, while I was squatting, came three other campers from another campsite sitting by the waterfall directly opposite of me. It was dark at night and all of us had only our torchlights and headlights. I just had to switch on my headlights while I was throwing my waste. It is to avoid them from being able to see clearly in my direction.

What really bothered me was, I had to squat there for as long as they were there because, I had my pants down and even if I didn’t feel like throwing anymore, I simply couldn’t get up and pull up my pants while they were like twenty meters away from me with a good view of me. My knees got numb a bit and I was greatly relieved when they left. With eternity acting as my guards, I got up and quickly pulled up my pants. It was quite annoying but comical.The group that we joined consist mostly of people who are thirty-five years old and above. They are matured people and it was easy for us to blend in with them. There were not many of them anyway, so we did not feel left out at all. Eternity acted as the bridge of communication between the group and us.

That is the reasons why I have always admire eternity for her communication skills. Perhaps it is not so much on her communication skills but it is more on her outgoing personality that she always manages to accept people easily, regardless of their personality and attitude. I am not like that; I always have difficulty mingling with people because I am a very reserved person naturally and it makes me very selective with whom I want to talk with. I get along with most of them but I find that one of them actually annoyed me a little with his boastful talks. Maybe he wasn’t boastful but that was how he speaks. He talked about all the mountains he had climbed leaving no room for the rest of us to talk. Moreover, when he talked about them, it was as if he was the god of the mountains and that really made me puke. He was ok but I couldn’t stand his boastful manner and so I kept to my own group whenever I can. He asked me about the mountains that I have climbed before and I knew it then that he was actually trying to see how capable I am in mountain climbing. He was actually trying to compare my list of mountains I have climbed with his own and that really irritate me. Oh gee, you boastful old man, and that moment on, I felt like kicking him in the bud when we were going down the mountain and watch him roll down the mountain like an old gunny sack.

Talking about the mountains was not enough, he had to talk about the cooking equipments, the tent he uses and the shoes he wears, I was in my tent trying to enjoy my privacy and it was so frustrating having my privacy invaded at the time I needed it the most. If it was invaded due to some event beyond my control, I wouldn’t mind at all but not because I had to listen to this old moronic mountain freak man. What made it worse was, I had to pee and since he was there sitting talking non stop, I had to hold it feeling very miserable inside. Only God knows how I felt at the time. I wish Puteri Gunung Ledang would have came and saved me but she didn’t. I was looking at him talking and I was imagining shoving a banana in his mouth to shut him up. How I really could have enjoyed that. Anyway, he got tired of talking and joined the rest of his friends by the waterfall lying on the big rock to watch the stars. Eternity and I didn’t joined them as we were more interested to spend time with our air mat and enjoy the natural pleasure of answering nature call in a tent up in a mountain.