Do Our Best And Leave The Rest To Allah

Dear Diary,

The letter from Land Transport and Authority of Singapore has arrived and I am required to collect my commercial license soonest not exceeding one month from the receipt date of the letter. I am happy and I have to start shopping for dashboard camera. I know I need one to install this in the car. I am driving for a living and I suppose I need the camera to safeguard myself from any discrepancies.

I need to do lots of things. I need to rearrange my timetable like what time should I wake up and what time should I drive for Uber. I do other things too you know. I got to make time to read the chart for Forex and also set aside time for E-Commerce. Oh God, I feel like there is not enough time for me in a day now. I will be in Singapore and I will be in Tangkak. My time will be divided into two countries and those times will be subdivided into Uber, Forex, E-Commerce, and Hiking. Honestly, I am not sure if I can afford to do all of them. I guess I must have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that I understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then my youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success. Insha Allah.

Perhaps it is true after all about the saying that says “Life starts at 40” because I really feel that my life has just begun. Spiritually, I am learning to read the Muqaddam and hope to be able to read the Quran in Arabic. I am a happy unemployed woman who tries to make income from three sources. I am still active in hiking. I travel to where I want to. I am getting a new house I will call home soon. The car loan in Malaysia ends in two months time and I think I am most likely to get a new car soon in Singapore and also perhaps in Malaysia. I am actually thinking of Toyota Fortuner but let’s talk about that another time, shall we?

My love life is beautiful with Nur Kasih around. I talk to her every day. I share my stories with her, in fact, I share everything with her. She is like my real life diary nowadays. We tease each other playfully on the phone and we often do video call. I let her watch my daily activities and I watch her do her work sometimes. It sure is an exhilarating tonic for the soul to take a moment to appreciate the simple, good things in life which are so bountiful. 

I notice she is cheerful with her colleagues. She is always laughing and approachable with them. Her personality makes people become comfortable with her. I supposed these are her characteristics that make me fell for her 17 years ago. That was a long time ago Diary. After we broke up, she hardly crossed my mind. Probably because I was angry with her but I am not anymore. I even forgot what really happened actually. But I remember we were still on good terms after the break-up. We just became lost in touch until that day I saw her in Putrajaya.

Today, she let me listen to her chatting with her children when she fetched them from school. I kept quiet and listened to them. I imagine the scene and I picture her with her children. She is soft and so motherly towards her children without compromising discipline. I smile while listening to them talking away on their way home. I suppose there are many things that have changed about her and I guess that is what makes her attractive. It was a good 45 minutes spent with her. We did not talk to each other but we felt each other with our song playing in the background with her children singing along. It makes me feel loved and contented that I am having her back in my life as who she wants to be. I am happy and felt so blessed. She and I, we have an uncertain future so to speak. But that does not bother me. I have learned to live my life in the present because of he who seeks to know the future is out of harmony with the present. I believe the future is an opaque mirror.  Anyone who tries to look into it sees nothing but the dim outlines of an old and worried face. Right now, at this very moment, I am happy and that suffices. 

I will collect my license tomorrow as I will have to go to Tangkak on Wednesday. My hike is on Friday to Sunday and I will have to fetch the rest who carpool with me on Thursday night. My bag is packed but I still need to add a few more items. I am keeping my pack as light as possible. I have learnt my lesson from CUS and I am not going to let history repeat itself. I have not missed my daily workout yet. I have done all things possible for this trip and I hope I will make it through smoothly without any injuries. I am leaving the rest to Allah about this trip and also about Nur Kasih. May the force be with us, may love keeps us strong and may trust holds us together till death do us part.

PS: Baru tetapi lama...masih tetap sama...engkau dan aku dan mungkin, mungkin juga dia, siapa tahu?