My Pledge To My Dad

Dear Diary,

I am in Tangkak since two days ago and I finally find the time to write to you. How are you Diary? I hope you are in the pink of health and happy with what is going on in your life. I am all fine here with many things to do to keep myself busy and distracted. I have scheduled my hiking trips monthly. My daily schedule continues as usual. I am still at line 9 of Doa Qunut. I have not moved on yet as I am still trying hard to remember the last 3 lines fondly. Today, I am going to recite all the 9 lines at once repeatedly to see how I have progressed.

On my way to Tangkak on the bus, I recited the Doa constantly and I knew I am just an inch away to moving on to line 10. It is just that I want to make sure I am not confused. Friends have told me to write it down and paste it on my wall where I pray so I can read it while praying. That will boost my quest to memorise it. I know I need to do it, but my printer is out of order and I need to get it print somewhere else, which I have not get it done yet. And now that I am in Tangkak, I really have no idea where to do it.

I sent an email to the hotel which I am going to put up at in Bali. Apparently, the family bungalow which I have booked is located on the second floor of the hotel. The rooms on the ground floor are all the standard rooms. You know I will be bringing my parents so this is a big no-no to dad. Dad is getting weak day by day. His legs are not like before anymore. He cannot walk for long and staircase is not his best friend.

Sometimes, I feel like dad is simply lazy to improve his health and well being. He does not exercise and his free sugar intake per day is plenty. I am angry and disappointed. But what can I do? He is 70 years old and people get weaker as they age. I am not sure how would I fare when I get to 70 years old, I do not even know if I can get to live that long. I have learnt how to accept things. I realised that my daddy is the only man I love and I am sure he would give his arms and legs for my happiness and for my safety. I would do the same for him. The thing about family disasters is that you never have to wait long before the next one puts the previous one into perspective.

I have decided to change to a hotel which is convenient for both my parents. The first priority is to be on the ground floor. I want to make it easy for dad. I also need to request for wheelchair service at the airport. I saw how difficult it was for dad when we came back from Sabah. The distance from the aerobridge to the passport counters was so far. We had to stop many times just so dad could rest a bit before continuing to walk. I had to admit that I was losing my patience with him but I still managed to keep my calm. It is not that I could not understand his situation but like I said earlier, he is overweight, he does not exercise and his free sugar intake daily is plenty. So tell me something which I do not know that makes a man unhealthy and weak at that age? I came to the realization that there is no cure for laziness but a large family helps or in my case a small one and in time of test, family is best.

I have gone for health talks and coaching. People live up till the age of 80 on the average and women live longer than men. And the doctor said that men will be at his weakest and sickest age during the last 10 years of his life. Dad is probably going through that phase of his life and I must understand him. If I want to bring him for holidays, then I must be sincerely willing to provide him with all the necessities and conveniences. I cannot complain nor can I get upset with him. I must make him comfortable as this could be his last holiday.

I have watched him took care of my late brother. I have seen how he showered my brother every morning before he went to work. I saw him cleaned my brother whenever my brother peed or pooed. Dad would wipe the mess my brother did without complaint. He was an angel Diary. He did not care if he was deadbeat or my brother was too heavy for him to carry. I got to thinking how Mother Nature is wonderful. Children get too old for piggy-back rides just about the same time they get too heavy for them but dad still did it like how every father would. He did all that until the day my brother passed. On the last night before my brother breathed his last breath, dad was so calmed you would not know that this man has just lost his flesh and blood; a son. I believe he was seen like that as a father's love is whole no matter how many times divided. 

I have pledged to myself that I will take care of him. I am buying him a wheelchair soon so it would be easier to bring him around. I have taught myself that if I have to spend the rest of the time while my dad was alive with him in a wheelchair, then I would. I shall not whine about it. I will push him in his wheelchair proudly because I know he would do the same for me and even more. Dad will always be my favourite toy. If I cannot find someone who understands and is willing to let me do this for my family, then I might as well be on my own than having a girlfriend who is fearful of me spending my time with my family. This is all for the reason that I certainly do not need someone who only wants everything for herself and thinks only for herself. Being with a self-centred person is probably more of a headache than being with my parents. Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. Rich or poor, healthy or sick, we will keep together and be happy in one another. I have learnt how to do just that.

Take care Diary, I will write again, soon.