all at once...

dear diary, i received an sms from aramis last night. it was short but it showed how she was feeling. it said, 'missing you a lot' i didn't reply her back. i didn't expect her to sms me anymore but she still does. well, i can't stop her anyway and i didn't want to. let it be.

russia called me just now and i couldn't answer the phone as i was in the toilet. she left me a voice message. i didn't think it was her cos the number showed was a local number. i was kinda surprised she called. i returned her call and we spoke for awhile. i miss her but i am afraid. it's crazy. all the people i loved and still love happened to listen to my prayers that i have been missing them so much.

i called ash last night and we chatted for almost 2 hours till i got very sleepy and had to excuse myself. we had lots of fun talking last night. it was not too heavy nor was it too light. it was just perfect. we talked bout her life, my life, aidilfitri, skating and love. you know, ash skates too and i suggested to her to bring her skate with her if she is coming over to singapore. i want to skate with her and i want to show her my tricks. i just sent an email to her, i hope she reads it fast cos she hardly opens her mailbox nowadays. she said it's because she's not getting any emails from anybody and it's all junk mail. she wanted to send me card by post for aidilfitri. i think i am going to send one to her as well.

i feel sorry for her and i am still feeling guilty towards her. i left her for aramis and look what happened now. aramis treats me bad and ash is still around to care. sometimes, she is right infront of us but we just couldn't see. she has suffered a lot and i guess it's all because of me. from a decent person to a wild person. she told me she keeps and album of my photos. whatever pictures of me that she has be it by email or by hand, she will keep them in that album. she will print it out and laminate if it's by email. can you ever imagine that? i have not done such things yet, probably i have not loved someone like how ash loves me. but then again, i do love aramis more than i love myself, well, i guess it's all up to the individual isn't it?

i bought two head scarves and one sandal just now. they were going cheap and i was looking for such head scarves anyway, it is just a coincidence. the sandal is nice and affordable too. it's green and very cute looking. i really need one more pair of sandal anyway. need to tidy up my shoe racks.

i will have to go to JB this saturday for a kenduri. don't know what time i will be going but i am sure they will need my help in preparing the dishes. you know diary, i am going to be selective now to whom i want to render my help. i have learnt my lesson and i am not going to be the Ms Helpful anymore. some people just don't deserve it. i have been very helpful towards many of my relatives when they have some functions and need help but they seem not to return the favour and help i have rendered them when it comes to my functions. we had a kenduri too for my late brother recently and i can hardly see them helping in the kitchen. it's not that i expect them to return the favour when i have helped them but come on diary, this is common sense and needs minimal sensitivity among people. aren't we Malays known for our spirit of togetherness, hospitality and helping each other? i didn't see many of such spirits anymore and so i shall remain selective to whom i want to help.

got to go diary, need to do some ironing...later ok.