it's here again...

dear diary, it is the second day of Ramadan today and the Muslims all over the world begin their day of fasting. mum woke us up at 5 today and i didn't have anything but just a glass of water. i should have drank milk but i forgot. mum told me last night to take care of my health. she advise me to have a glass of milk daily for calcium to have strong bones. she seems rather unusual lately since the death of my brother. she has been advising us more on matters concerning health and has shown great interest of where we are going to skate long distance. she never fail to remind us to watch out for traffic and be more careful on the road. i guess she does not want to lose anymore of her children.

losing a son is already too much for her. i understand her feelings. it is such a great loss to lose a son whom she has carried in her womb for nine months and nine days, whom she has watched him grow from a baby to a toddler, from a teenager to an adult. it is not easy to cope. he is gone now but his presence will still be felt by the people who have loved and love him still. his spirits will still live on and his courage will still be admired. the living ones may have grown old, may have got wrinkles on the face, but his memories will still remains deeply rooted in our hearts never fading away. for all the laughter and the joy, for all the sadness and the pain, we will carry on our humble lives with him in the background. he will not be erased, he will not be forgotten, he will be remembered till it's our turn to bid goodbyes.

mum said that she sometimes forgot that he has died and wanted to look for him only when she realised that he is gone and never coming back. i listened to her attentively and i tried to hold back my tears. it's painful diary, it hurts so much and i don't know when it will heal. i know everybody is missing him and we are all doing it in silence. we never talk about it not because we have forgotten but because we are afraid.

i have been missing aramis a lot and it's making me weak. i always thought about her. i wanted to tell her that i miss her but i am still angry with her. she has dissapoint me many times and i have been tolerating her. it's difficult to live life when you are missing someone that you cannot have. it's tough.