disturbing emotions...

dear diary, i cannot deny what i am feeling. it is disturbing to be feeling like this. you try so hard to ignore it but the more you try the more apparent it has become. it is becoming your shadow and follows you wherever you go right into the toilet cubicles and it lies with you in the bed. as much as you wanted to let it go, it still sticks with you till death do you part. every memory you have had with the people you once love and adore are something which you cannot forsake and forget.

it will be in your blood, your dreams and your mind which you cannot seem to break away from. it's too strong like a bond between brothers and sisters. how much severely damaged the family ties are, nothing can ever change the fact that they are flesh and blood. even if you have succeeded to break away, it does not end there. the memories will haunt you and every now and then, you will be encapsulated with the feelings of loneliness and longing to be hold and to be touch by them.

the moments you shared with them start to be playing in your mind, you begin to have flashbacks and you are drowned with regrets. so many questions unanswered, so many dreams shattered, so many hopes crashed, you feel like you are condemned, helpless and hopeless. you feel your heart sinks slowly deeper and deeper like how Titanic sunk into the deep ocean. you feel that you can't breath, you get suffocated with your polluted life. so many waste and so many toxic. you wish that you were back to where love was once all around you, you wish you never sent love away from your life...