Dear diary, I am not sure if we are into the monsoon season here but it has been raining almost everyday and night. Getting the clothes to dry can be quite difficult especially when you have a lot of laundry to do. The festive season is coming and the existing curtains and bed sheets have to be washed and cleaned. All those add up to the amount of laundry I have to do this few weeks. It?s only sunny in the morning before 12 noons but I have always missed it because I am not a morning person. I usually wake up at 9 and by the time the washing machine stops spinning it will be 9.45 which leave me with merely 2.5 hours to put the morning sun to use which is an insufficient amount of time to dry the clothes. I have been doing my family's laundry every fortnight and I hang them to dry indoors usually.
It helps a bit cos I do my own personal laundry every Friday night and I need the space to dry my clothes outdoor. I never let anyone do my laundry because I don't trust them to handle my clothes. Even the maid was not allowed to wash my clothes. If there were anything that I will never let anyone do, it would be doing my own personal laundry. I go out 5-6 times a week and I dress up to occasions. I don't wash my clothes immediately after use instead I gather them in a laundry basket and wash them altogether on a weekly basis. I don't mix my own clothes with the others.
It is just a principle I have about my belongings. I am not sure but I guess that is how I was brought up. I am the only girl and growing up with 3 boys, wait a minute, it's 2 actually, yes, growing up with 2 boys mom has always separated and differentiated my belongings from my brother's. I am the obedient child and follows what mum told me to do. I only eat my share of food and drink my share of water. I only use my stationeries and never took from by brothers. Simply said, I never like to use things that belong to others and I expect people to be like that too. I wouldn't say that I am selfish but I hate to lend my stuffs to people. I would rather buy them the stuffs with my own money than having them to borrow from me. It?s a bit crazy but it's the truth.
I remember when I was 8 years old, a friend always had to borrow my sharpener, I didn't like it but I lent it to her anyway with conditions that she use it with proper care and return it to me immediately after use. I often nagged at her for not having her own sharpener, as it was not an expensive thing to buy beyond our 8 years old pocket money. At one time, she got uncomfortable with my constant nagging that she stopped borrowing from me. I felt bad but what can I do what can I say? In my opinion, if a thing is as important as eating and drinking, why can't we all make an effort to make it readily available for our own convenience? I may be right, but situations and circumstances have to be taken into considerations here. I didn't know her family background. At one time, we were chit chatting with each other, and she told us spontaneously that her family sleeps at night without shutting the main door. She continued telling us that they had to leave the door open in order to feel the wind because they didn't have a fan. I remain silent and I thought to myself how thoughtless I had been. I gave her my sharpener the next day hoping that it would make her day brighter than usual.
I have changed a little ever since. I started to share my food and drinks, I have started to become sensitive towards other people's shortcomings but still I am particular about lending people my favourite stuffs. I don't think I would lend my mini disc, my inline skate, my palm top, my watches or my clothes to people. I mean, I am not stingy but there are some valuable belongings of mine which I have to keep private don't I and people just have to respect that, like it or not.
You know what I have been thinking all afternoon diary? I have been thinking about this girl I tried to woo when I was in secondary two. She was a Sikh and she immediately caught my attention when I first laid my eyes on her. She was pretty, sharp nose, hazel brown eyes, and flawless skin, natural brown hair. You know how those south Indian girls can look like right? Gosh, they are simply gorgeous; I think they are naturally outstanding than those fake Hollywood actresses. I did get her name but it was such a difficult name to remember. I always tried to get her attention whenever I can. She was the school's councilor and I purposely became the regular latecomers just so I could have a one to one interaction with her. Being so close with her gave me the cold hands and my heart always seemed to beat faster than usual. She is just the one woman I adore.
Her looks are magnificent and it could drown out all the other beauties. She is simple but I am sure if she has learnt how to dress up and apply some make up, she will be a drop dead gorgeous babe! I wanted to be close with her, I wanted to be her friend so that I can know what are her favourite drinks and what are her favourite food but I had to change to a new school when I entered secondary 3 and it broke my heart. I never saw her again and I do wonder sometimes, if she would have remembered me like how I am remembering her. We did talk to each other and exchanged smiles but those were just about it. I was not given the opportunity, she was friendly though and she was not selective in making friends. She talked to me without failing to smile.
You know diary, sometimes, when you come across a girl that you like, you really want to touch her and hold her. You started to imagine she was in your arms, it's a good feeling until you realised that it's hard with a lot of obstacles because you are simply a lesbian, which the society shuns. I guess, the hardest part for a lesbian is to watch someone she admires so passionately in the arms of another man. That?s when we know how tough life can be for us. It?s sad when the people you admire and adore cannot accept what you are. Some of us are lucky to be able to turn straight girls into bisexuals but some of us are not. I never tried to hit on straight girls before. It?s just something I don't believe in. my x-gfs have mostly been lesbians naturally without being influenced. There?s only one person whom I have never consider as a genuine lesbian. She seemed lost in her true identity and doesn't know whom she really wants to love. Always making excuses for her mistakes and very emotionally disturbed most of the times. I don't know if she was using that to attract attention because she seemed to cry easily with me during our courting times. It was like she did what she did to have sympathy with what she has gone through in the past.
Honestly, she got my sympathy and my love but it was somebody else that she loved. I was just there to fill up her time and got her attentions diverted for a while from the girl. We do not talk anymore because she thinks I am superficial and I think she is emotional. One man's meat maybe another man's poison. It?s impossible to please everybody and we must always remember that we only have one life to live so make the best out of it. For people to like and hate us, always think that it's bound to happen because we humans will never be perfect for everyone. Think that even our Prophet had enemies let alone us. I never let anymore of such things bother me because I have learnt that trying hard to please everybody is the first step to failure because it is impossible.
Little sister is still silent without any news. I am beginning to get worried and negative about things. All the emails I sent her are not replied and I really hope this silent from her is because of the transplant and not because of anything else. I am just afraid if I have said something wrong that makes her stay away from me. I really don't know what could be the problem except for the transplant. Where could she be diary? I miss her so much and I hope she knows it. There?s no fun without her in my life. It?s been more than a month and how much longer is it? If the transplant seems to be successful without any complications, I heard that it only takes 2-3 weeks before the patient could come out of the clean room. But I don't know the situation now with little sister. There?s no news, no emails, no sms, no phone calls no nothing from her. Please god, make her safe and help her heal. She?s young and she has so much to look for in her life. Give her a chance...please.
Diary, I am contemplating on whether or not should I buy this shirt that I have been eyeing. It?s Levis and I like it very much. I have a strong feeling that I might get it anytime soon. I know myself and if I want something I will get it. It?s denim and it's nice, been eyeing on it for a long time but I have been putting the idea aside that I actually forgot abt it until last night. I went to orchard last night alone for a while. I just went to wisma atria and takashimaya. Many shops were having sale and surprisingly I didn't buy anything at all. There were a few tops that I liked but thinking back of how many tops I have bought this year made me put them back to where they belonged.
Furthermore, they didn't have something different. They are all of the same pattern with different design. I wanted something rugged but trendy, something simple but stylish, not something common where you can see everyday. You know, I think I really should get that Levis top. It?s worth it, I just don't know when to get it but I must get it before this Saturday though so that leaves me with only tonight and tomorrow. I want to wear it on Saturday night to geylang serai. We will be going there for dinner and do some hari raya shopping. I am sure geylang will be crowded this Saturday. It?s end of month and it falls on Saturday. People have every good reason to visit geylang. We are going dinner to this newly opened restaurant, which has received a lot of publicity due to its tremendous advertising campaigns. It?s always like that with newly opened restaurants during Ramadan. People flocking in non-stop like there's no tomorrow. My family has been trying to book a table since last month but we were always told that it's fully booked. I wonder if it can survive after Ramadan cos newly opened restaurants in geylang serai are known to be popular during Ramadan but will eventually closed down after that due to poor response from the public. That is why they say; things are hot when they are new.
geylang serai is not popular as it is during Ramadan. It?s the Malay kampong Singaporeans call it, but it's just in the name. It doesn't have any big names shopping centre that can attract tourist and Singaporeans from all walks of life to visit geylang on regular days. Unlike, Mohd Mustafa and Samsuddin Company in little India, geylang serai has nothing similar or as good as that. Therefore, even good restaurants find it hard to survive in geylang off Ramadan. Sometimes, I wish the Malay society would have an entrepreneur who thinks big and different like Mohamad Mustafa and Samsuddin so that we can have a tall building standing proud in the heart of mind you, not Orchard road but Geylang Serai and attract all the tourist, foreigners and Singaporeans from all walks of life and races to give geylang serai a totally new vibrant environment.
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