dear diary, there will be The OC on TV tonight and i cannot wait to watch it. it has moved to a new time slot at 10 pm after the last episode of The Apprentice which was aired last week. it's good so that i won't have to stay up late at night to catch it anymore. with the new time slot, i'll be able to sleep early.
how are you diary? is everything ok? this year's hari raya is going to be celebrated with less excitement. i can sense it from now. there's no talk about cooking, baking, shopping and celebrating. i haven't even got myself a pair of new clothes. it will be the first aidilfitri without my brother. i guess we are just going to celebrate aidilfitri moderately to respect his departure. i know everybody miss him and aidilfitri is the time when we will reminisce about the ones we have lost so dearly and this is the time when his loss will be deeply felt in our hearts. he will always be remembered.
i have not heard from little sister till today and i am beginning to worry. she told me she gave my number to her mum in case of emergency. there's no call or sms from her mum, i guess she's alright. it's really been a long time and i hope this silence is because of the transplant and not anything else. i hope she is safe and sound.
i am going night skating next saturday with skateline. we will leave from bishan park and skate to potong pasir and then back to bishan park. it's about 12 km journey. i suggest to the rest of my friends to skate back home from bishan since it's about 15km journey. they agree and i am very excited about it. i have yet to buy safety light for my left skate and i will buy it soon before the event. i have told hulk about it but he seemed disinterested to participate, probably because he has not learnt how to skate yet. well, yeah, to go long distance skating, you need to have acquired the basic skills.
i hope he learns fast. teaching him will surely reminds me of the time i just started to learn inline skating. it was funny thinking back. i have always wanted a pair of inline skate since i was young. when i got myself one, i just skated and skated not thinking about anything else. to feel the wind in your face when you are literally on wheels is such a great feeling. sometimes i do feel like i am flying when i am skating. i don't do aggresive skating, it's not popular here although there are parks to cater the sports. i skate for fitness, speed and recreational.
i do some tricks but i don't do stunts. i figured that urban skating is fun because it helps improve my skating skills with the natural obstacles provided by the ready infrastructure. i need to get a pair of freestyle skate soon cos i think i am beginning to have interest in it. K2 does not have skate for freestyle so i guess i have to opt for Rosignol. i have a friend using Rosignol and he can do slalom so smoothly without the brake pad. i have not decided to take off my brake pad, most people who took off their brake pads either use T-Brake technique or power slide brake which can wear out the wheels. i might have to take it off if i want to do freestyle skating for convenience. enough about skate already...
i am missing aramis very much. sometimes i wonder how is she doing. i wanted to tell her how much i miss her but i just thought it would not be appropriate. she sent me a couple of sms these few days, but i just ignored them. well, it's better like that. i assume now she knows how it feels to send an sms without getting a reply from your loved ones. i hope she learns her lesson well. always taking without giving is not a good thing to practice. she should have realised that relationship requires more than just 'I love you forever'. it's a shame, it really is. i am so angry with her sometimes that i want to cut all ties with her but i know i can't, because i love her so much. i think she's the only woman that i have ever loved and still love so dearly. she is just one of a kind. when i was with russia, i can't get aramis out of my mind. the more i tried the more i thought of her. the feelings i have for her, is just undeniable. i have made her a part of me and it's difficult to forget someone that you have made your flesh and blood. it's impossible. i always have this dream of living together with her but i know it's just a dream that will not come true.
we have this very strange relationship of 5 years. lost and found, broken and patch, wasted and wounded but never forgotten, there is like a strong magnet between the two of us, we don't repel instead we just get attach tightly and there's no other force greater than our love could separate us both. we may live in a distance but we feel each other's presence deep down in our hearts. she is so mysterious and i have never come across any girl like her before. i wrote two poems for her, it's what i really feel about her, about us. it's hard to explain to people. i really have to make people understand otherwise they would think i am just wasting my time. i miss her diary, i keep thinking about her everyday. i wanted things to be like before but i am afraid. i am afraid that i will hurt again which i know i will. it's difficult when she is there and i am here. whenever i heard about penang, it will always reminds me of her. whenever i see a black two door Toyota Rav 4, it will make me think of her, wherever i go, whatever i do and everything i see will remind me of her. i know i love her still but i can only do it from a distance.
have i told you about the actress diary? she seems nice and i think i get along fine with her. i wish i could spend more time with her. she might be back to JB for aidilfitri, if she calls me, i will offer to meet her in jb, i am sure she will like it. we are of the same age and i guess we share the same wavelength and always on the same frequency. she's not untidy which impresses me very much. i have this thing about untidy people. i rather go for simple than untidy girls.
untidy girls just turn me off most of the times. sometimes, it's not about the looks you know diary? it has always been about your personality and how you carry yourself. having interesting personality and knowing how to carry oneself in any situations are traits not many people are blessed with. we have to work at it to perfection. oh well, it's not easy to please everybody anyway, i guess sometimes we just have to fuck it. i've seen beauty and the beast many times before, therefore it boost my belief that personality, charm and charisma are all that matters.
i sent russia a registered card just now by mail. it's her birthday soon and i didn't want to be accused for forgetting it or ignoring it. she gave me a teddy bear on my birthday. i still keep it. i hate teddy bears actually, i think they are for sissies and i hate flowers too. but i do keep them when someone present them to me. however, eventually you will have to throw the flowers away.
i wrote my thoughts down diary. it's my 14th and i still want to write some more. i love writing you know. i can write without stopping but i know it's ludicrous. i miss my good friends in malaysia. i miss them so much. i think i will only mingle with them once i am there. you know how i am with strangers don't you? i am not proud but i am just reserved and hate attentions. i prefer quiet but precious companies. i prefer quality friends than quantity. i can go out alone, watch movie alone, eat alone, sleep alone. i like to do things alone unless i have a girlfriend. but i do go out with my close friends sometimes. it will only be the 2 or 3 of us. i hate to go out with more than 5 people. it's a crowd and i hate to be in a crowd.
i am tired diary. i need to go. take care ok.
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