Heartfelt Holiday

Dear Diary,

It is 3 am and I woke up from sleep feeling all tired about this holiday. Mother and father are not easy to handle when they are together. Mother being the hot tempered one and father being the pampered and spoilt one. I am in between sandwiched by their two characters. I am tired and on the verge of giving up.

I remained quiet yesterday and went to dinner alone leaving my parents in the hotel room by themselves. I hope they got time to reflect on their behaviours. I hope they know that their daughter is experiencing some roller coaster ride internally herself and if they continue to behave this way, a turbulence or an inferno will occur.

I feel like crying out loud now. I am reminiscing all the holidays I had spent with them. There will always be small fights, small disagreements and arguments over small petty issues. I can always choose to travel alone but it will make me feel bad and lousy for not bringing my parents with me. But when I bring them for holidays, this is what I got. It makes me want to be alone, just by myself so I do not have to entertain little silly stupid unnecessary concerns. So I do not have to witness all the fights, bickerings and talk-back sessions of my parents.

I am thinking of Bali now, and how am I supposed to handle them then. I can only pray to Allah to ease my intentions. I have mellowed down now. I keep my mouth shut usually when the situations are tense. Silence is the best option.

My ticket to Sabah was wasted. It was a silly mistake. Flying babe was supposed to come back to me for the date, I had difficulty editing the dates and then she broke the news to me and now things are hanging in mid air or something. I guess right now, all I need is 'me time'. I need to be with the natural elements, air, water, sun and the moon because they never hurt my feelings. They never have. Humans always do. Even the one who I love most hurts me mercilessly. I miss Hang Jebat. He is always kind to me and that is why I love him. I get along with animals fine. I need to be with them more often than with humans.

I am tired and sad. I need to be alone for awhile and I hope you understand.