I Made It With Love and Prayers

Dear Diary,

The test for paper 2 was challenging but I still managed to pass. I was surprised myself. To be honest, I did not expect to pass as I really had a gruelling time completing the paper. I knew I had studied enough to pass. I was sure I had done my best but still, the questions in paper 2 were tricky. I had to read the questions more than once in order to comprehend. We were only allowed to have 7 wrong answers and when I was done with paper 2, I went through the paper again to answer those questions I skipped.

The questions I skipped were not questions that tested my memorising skills. They were merely questions I never thought would come out. It was easy if you read through the notes with full comprehension. I did not absorb the information from the book as a whole. I did not digest every single line and so I did not overload myself with all the facts found in the book. The questions which I expected to come out did not and vice versa. So really, how could I anticipate myself to pass when my confidence level was going downhill while I was struggling to answer?

How did I pass then? Somehow I knew I had worked hard enough and Allah probably knows it. I prayed to Him to let me pass and I did my part to convince him how serious I was. I asked mom to pray for me 30 minutes before the test. I supposed sensibility came knocking to my heart and so I asked the one woman who carried me in her womb for nine and a half months and who love me unconditionally for a favour.

“Mak, doakan Ati pass…”

So, while checking the paper, I realised that some of the answers to the questions I had skipped were inside the test paper in some of the questions. Questions like what are the operational hours of the bus lane in Singapore and what does PDVL mean. Those answers were repeatedly found in the other questions. I simply had to be attentive and spot them. As I could recall, there were about 3 questions on the operational hours of the bus lane. After spotting my mistakes, I corrected them but still, that did not boost my confidence level. Time was running out and I had 15 minutes more to submit my answers.

I had finished the paper but I was afraid to submit for checking. I did not want to fail. I wanted to pass both the papers today and I knew I still had to submit to know the result. I knew if I treat every situation as a life and death matter, I'll die a lot of times. I recognize deep in my heart I have done my best. I have the prayer of a woman who gave birth to me. What more could I ask for? I cleared myself of all the worries and fear and leave the rest to Allah. I clicked on the “Tabulate Result” button and I got 86% as the result. The passing grade is 86% and I did it. I almost jumped out of my seat. I was overjoyed. Happiness engulfed me and I knew it then that if I simply am grateful for the little things in life, I can feel happiness within me. I alone can make myself happy without needing anyone to make it happen. I cannot put the key to my happiness in someone else's pocket. I don't think you can feel a sense of entitlement and still be happy. Happiness always comes from feeling that you've been blessed.  Allah listens to my prayers and the prayer of my mother strengthens it.

I have read somewhere that we need people to pray for us especially people like our mother and father. We are nothing without their prayers. Whatever you do, prioritise your parents first than anybody else because your paradise is at the bottom of your mother’s foot, your destiny will be determined by how you treat your parents. Do good to your parents and good will come to you.

I saw people from my batch failed again for both papers and I can only sympathise them. It is not easy I know. Remember the boy who wanted to study with me for the test? He did not make it for both papers. I gave him my study tips and I told him not to give up. 

As I was walking out of the test centre, I broke the news to mom and then to nad, sarah and curly fries. I simply had to share with them because they know what is going on in my life now. It is good to have people that you can share your joy with. And now, I am breaking the news to you Diary.  Tell me you are proud of me because I am of myself. I am happy, I am blessed and I am loved.

Thank you for the prayer, Mak.

Take care Diary.