Loving Without Reasons

Dear Diary,

I started the day with Subuh and then I work out for about 30 minutes. I jump rope and I do mountain climber. I sweat a lot because the workout is a whole body workout aiming at your cores. Since I started to jump rope, I have lost 0.5kg. That is an improvement because I do not think I can lose that much weight by jogging. Research has shown that skipping for 10 minutes a day is equivalent to jogging for 30 minutes. I breathed heavily after 10 minutes of workout and that shows how effective jumping rope is. I am going to get that body that I want. Have you heard of Agnes Monica? Yes, that’s how I want my body to look like. Not an inch of fats on my body; muscular, well-toned and lean.

I am chatting with Nad and Sarah now. They are probably the only friends I have who know about my love life now. I mean, they are the ones who are close to me. I hike with them and I share my stories with them. I have only known them for 1 year and look how close we have become. I am comfortable with them and vice versa. Ironically, they are a friend of my friend who I have known for 15 years but I am closer to Sarah and Nad than she. I guess birds of a feather flock together. Sarah, Nad and I share the same wavelength. We respect each other and we get along very well.

They know what is going on in my life. Nad can give good pieces of advice. She is younger than I am but when it comes to stories of love, she is an ace. I am not good at love. I suck at it and guess what, they both agree. They said I give up easily when it comes to love and I ought to fight for what I believe is mine. I almost choke laughing. They told me to take it seriously like how I hike the mountains. Most of my hiking friends look up to me. I am not the fastest but I am always consistent. I often push myself to the limit when I hike and brave the most difficult terrain when I climb the mountain but why can’t I be like that when it comes to love. I have natural leadership qualities but why can’t I show it in my love relationships. They question me. I remained quiet. I supposed I have my own reasons. I don’t know how to counter them and I let them carry on talking and putting some sense into my weak brain.

My life has taught me that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. As much as I want her to know that I love her so much, I am not sure if she shares the same visions as I do.  She said we have different perspectives on lives. She said, she can be that woman but eventually, she will quit. I did not ask her to elaborate. So you see, you have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. And then you got to ask yourself, I love her because she is beautiful, or is she beautiful because I love her? For you see, each day you love her more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. We all know that the art of love... is largely the art of persistence, now how far are you willing to be persistent? 

PS: To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.

From A Distance,

Me