Dear Diary,
I am planning to go snow trekking in December and I have gotten the quotation from a travel agency in India. I might be going to one of the mountains there. It is not a common mountain and definitely, not many people from Malaysia have climbed this mountain. I am excited about this trip even though I have to wait for such a long time. It is until the end of this year and only God knows how patient I have to be. I have made the final preparations for my Sabah trip tomorrow. I will be away for 8 days. I am not excited but I am not going to show it to my parents. This trip is for them and they deserve to be happy regardless what I really am feeling right now.
Today, I woke up quite late as I found it hard to fall asleep last night. I do not remember what time I dozed off but I kept tossing in bed. I heard my alarm went off and I let it be. For a split second, I told myself I might have to take time off from praying Subuh today but I thought about my resolutions and I got out of bed and dashed to the toilet to take my ablution. Yes, it is not easy to be disciplined to achieve our goals and dreams. We have to put in a lot of hard work and be adamant about doing what we want. We have to be determined and have this fighter spirit in us that we will do what we want to do no matter come what may.
I am determined to get that body Diary and so I will! And that goes the same to all the other of my wishes for 2018. Sometimes, these few days I feel sad thinking about things but I know it is only temporary. I have gone through this and I am stronger than ever. Who can deny of the heartaches of being the subject of choice at someone else’s crossroad? She has to choose either one and if she has already chosen to take which road, she can never go back to the other road. Her choice will come with risks at the expense of you.
Choices will always involve changes. We have choices in everything. We have to embrace changes. If we do not want to change we will become extinct. Life is about making choices and the choices we made will determine our future. We must not be fearful of the decisions we make because when we move beyond our fear, we will feel free. The quicker we let go of the fear, the sooner we find freedom. Noticing small changes early helps you adapt to the bigger changes that are to come. Changes happen, when it happens we must anticipate the changes and then monitor the changes. After that, we must adapt to the changes quickly, move with the changes and most importantly, enjoy the changes.
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. If I am not the chosen one, I will still stand still stronger than ever. My spirit may be bruised but it will not be broken. I may cry a river but I will still float in that river. I do not have to make the choice but I know when I am no longer able to change a situation, I am challenged to change myself. Perhaps time changed you, but it did not alter the image I have retained of you in my background but with these changes, I know I will finally have to erase you because having you in the background hinders me from moving forward with my life. The love in me is probably reserved for someone else deserving. I must also change and learn how to love others like how I have loved you. If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. I want to see those butterflies.
PS: The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble.
From A Distance,
Me
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