dear diary,
guess what happend to me over the weekend? the pain in my toe was getting very excruciating and i decided to go to the polyclinic again for advise and hoping to have the ingrown toe nail removed. unfortunately, my toe was in bad condition to do a surgery according to the doctor. she gave me anti biotics and some washing solution to wash the wound. she didn't take a look at my toe throughly, she didn't even touch it. i am beginning to wonder if the doctors at polyclinic are just a lazy bunch of doctors who couldn't care much about patients. dissapointed with the doctor's advise, i went straight to Tan Tock Seng Hospital accidents and emergency dept. the doctor took a thorough look at my toe.
i was not sure if it was just his nature to be rough with his patient cos he is a man or he does it everyday till he doesn't think that pain is an agony. he touched my toe like as though there wasn't any wound on it. he poked my toe nail as if i were a bionic woman who can stand pain. as i was lying there on the bed, i never fail to feel like lifting my feet and slammed it in his face and see if he is bionic enough not to feel the pain. he told me that i might got an infection and he also took my blood sample to check for diabetes. it was scary when he told me that, all these while the doctors at the polyclinic didn't show any signs that it could get serious so i really did not prepare myself for the possibility of my toe getting infections or diagnosed with any serious disease. after my blood sample was tested, it was negative and i was relieved.
i was confident that the chances of me being a diabetic is slim judging from my eating habits but still, the thought that i was being tested for diabetes can be quite disturbing. the doctor then asked if i had taken any medications given by the polyclinics and i told them what i know. he brought his superior and showed him my toe and yes, he confirmed that i have a slight infection. he immediately scheduled me for a surgery and my god, my heart beat so fast that i think i could have ran 100 km per hour. i have always been afraid of hospitals you know. hospitals freak me out, i never like to be examined by the doctors. since i was young, going to the clinic or hospitals scared me and i can still feel it till now.
the operation theatre was very cold and bright. that was my first time in it and i felt like one of the patients in that medical drama ER. it was funny, i let my imaginations run wild a bit to distract myself from all the needles, the knives, the blades and whatever. the doctor injected some anaesthetic into my feet. it was painful, i never thought that injections could be that painful. the pain was bad and waiting for the anaesthetic to be injected into my body felt like forever and once it is all in, i had to endure another pain when the doctor pulled out the needle from my body.
i just wished that it was a lady doctor who had done the surgery on me. it sure feel good to be touched by a woman especially woman with brain. you know, i have always admired women professionals. i think they are sexy no matter what size they are. the doctors at the polyclinic are mostly women and one of them caught my attention. she's sweet and pretty and probably will make me one of the regular at the polyclinics. unfortunately, we cannot choose our doctors and that is definitely a drawback to their business. ha ha ha...
i was supposed to rest and avoid from moving a lot after the surgery but i completely went against the doctor's advise. i went to JB with my family and came back at 2 in the morning. my toe was hurting because i knew the anaesthetic has finished and i began to walk like a tortoise. every step hurts so much that i have to be careful not to shake my toe too much when walking. the bandaged doesn't help cos it doesn't cushion every movement i made while walking. in the end, i had to endure everything since i left the painkillers at home. many passers by looked at my toe when i was walking.
some even asked me what happened and i told them politely with a smile on my face. i had difficulty explaining because many of them did not understand 'ingrown toe nail' and i have no idea what we call it in malay until mum sait it's *thinking* oh geess, i forgot what it's called in malay...it sounds something like, 'ciku' is it? or 'caku', 'cagu' or whatever but i think i am close. i swear i never heard of that word before, even taj mahal said it once to me but i didn't know what was it and when i asked her, she teased me about not knowing what it was when malay is my mother tongue language. when i came back from JB, my temperature was high and i was down with fever again. it was bad and it was really bad. i quickly took my medicine and went straight to bed shivering.
little sister text me and said she's getting for me something on my birthday. i am really touched with her effort and knowing the fact that she remembers my birthday really overwhelmed me. she's getting for me something that she hopes will make me remember her. honestly, what i really want is for her to be with me through thick and thin. i want to be her best friend and her sister now, tomorrow and forever. i don't want to lose this relationship i have with her anymore.
you know what diary, i chatted with someone last night. i never thought it would turn out to be an enjoyable conversation. she's 22 years old. she's from sabah just like little sister and she's kadazan. from the conversation i had with her, i can sense that she's pampered. she could be the youngest child probably or perhaps not the youngest child but the only girl in the family. she left me her email address and told be she wants to keep in touch. i never left her with anything. no numbers, no email, no MSN or YM ID. i just let it be. i intend to send her an email soon though. she seems nice and she told me she's applying to study law and i hope she will make it cos if she does, she will be in KL and that makes it even more easier for me to reach her. i might be leaving end of this year and that makes it all so perfect to develop a friendship with her. i wonder how she looks like and how tall is she. kadazans usually are fair skinned aren't they? they almost look like chinese or nepalese.
i remembered when i was in sabah climbing kinabalu, everybody thought i was a nepalese. it could be the weather i supposed. cold and sunny with fresh air makes all the cheeks go rosy naturally. i saw many kadazans there, and they all looked friendly, a little of chinese and nepalese looks. she must be pretty, perhaps with rosy cheeks. ahhhh...sounds inviting. ha ha ha...i hope she wears her hair long and has good taste in fashion. i get turn off easily with girls having bad dressings.
i never expect a supermodel but the least she has to do is to be moderately fashionable and please don't be untidy. you know diary, i got to know one girl and my friendship with her has gone from friendship to an affair but it was shortlived. she was untidy but she was nice. i don't mind everything else if she is nice but what i couldn't stand was, she likes to belittle people in a way that makes her feel superior when she is no better. i don't really understand her motives but i got turned off. i accepted her the way she is but i noticed she does not accept me the way i am. things got a little out of hand, misunderstandings occur too much and too often. i stayed away from her.
it's just so scary, it gives me nightmare sometimes. as much as i want to safe the friendship, i also have to think if it is worth it. sometimes, people can be like food you know. you stay away from certain food because either you hate it or the food can be hazardous to your health. you stay away from certain people not always because you hate them but you just want to avoid trouble with them because if you have too much contact with them, they can be a disease to your life. a man have to do what a man have to do in the best interest of himself. don't worry about anyone else because you cannot guarantee that they will think of you if they are face with the same situations like you. there are a lot of selfish people out there if you bother to search. you just have to be observant enough.
i absent myself from my quran class on saturday. i think while they were busy reciting the quran i was busy tolerating the pain coming from my toe at the hospital. i must make sure i attend the class next week though. i cannot afford to skip anymore class. module 2 is a bit difficult than module 1 and it takes lots of concentration and attention. the class is bigger and it makes me feel like a stranger. many of the students from module 1 carry on to module 2 but i have not seen all of them in the first class of module 2. i guess they just absent themselves knowing full well nothing is learnt much during first lesson.
oh you know what, skateline sent me an email about a temporary job for women skaters. it states, 'girl skaters wanted'. it is for an entertainment company in orchard road. job description is to skate along orchard road while giving out flyers. it can be fun and exciting and i am sure most of my colleagues would be girls cos they only need female skaters. uniform will be provided, it's tennis skirt and a polo t. i have never worn a tennis skirt before but i am sure it's going to be cool working and skating at the same time. furthermore i have not been skating for a long time since my toe gave way.
it's healing now and i guess i can take it up for that extra cash. they pay between S$6-16 per hour. it's only a 3 hour job per weekend from 2.30pm to 5.30pm. i think it is along orchard road that we have to skate. orchard road will be crowded during those times and i bet we don't have to skate much and far. i doubt lots of skating is necessary since the area will be crowded. i have to reply the email with my particulars and pictures before 28th april. i think they need us for only 5 weekends but i am only available on sunday and not saturday. wonder if they would take me. i'm going to send my reply anyway and see what they have to offer me. i have to do it tonight before the deadline. i have some extra cash to take up the advanced skate lessons. i want to do it this weekend perhaps. it's been long ignored and it's high time i should give it a thought.
