dear diary,
i had a hair cut and it is very short. *giggles* it is short like demi moore in ghost. u remember that movie? yeah, it is like that now and i look like a school girl. it is ok, i like wearing my hair short now cos it is easy to maintain with less hassle. i didn't colour it cos i want to give my hair a rest. too much colouring is bad and it can spoil the condition of your hair. i am taking supplements now to enhance my hair growth and texture. you know, i noticed a change about me since i took the supplements. i don't know if it is good but it is quite obvious and i assume it is doing something to my body systems and it is discharging the toxic away.
i did some research about primrose oil and most of the facts i read claim that it is good for the overall well-being of the body. it is called the 'cure-all' supplements in america. researches have said that it cannot totally heal all illnesses but it can help to combat and prevent any illnesses from occuring. it reduces the possibility of a person contracting an illness. it is said that it is recommended to take primrose oil with vitamin E. it stimulates the process of enhancing one's health to take into effect. i am thinking of taking something that can make my bones strong. asthma recommended me calcium pills but i am just worried about the brand. it's from those multi level marketing brand and i am just not sure if it's reliable.
i know that calcium is essential to have strong bones but it's just the product brand that worries me. i would feel safer if it comes from a well known establish brand name. at least, if there are discrepancies i know where to go to lodge a complaint. when we are talking about health matters, it is not something one can take lightly. it's true that even doctors make mistake but knowing that you are consuming health products from a recognised body is important because there are many cases where discrepencies are found in factories which make all these health products. i probably have to turn down her offer and stick to nature's farm products.
chicken pie called me last night while i was at the toilet. i had to rush to my room to answer the call. we didn't talk much cos i was engrossed with the americal idol and i didn't really pay attention to her. i was such a jerk last night. it was only halfway through the conversation that i asked about her. geeez, it was so lame. i felt bad with her and i wish i could do something to make it up to her. oh wait a minute, i am suppose to courier her toothbrush for her bithday gift. yeahh, oh wait diary don't go thinking that i am a cheapskate. this toothbrush is not the ordinary toothbrush, it's the battery operated toothbrush. it cost more than 30 bucks and it can be an ideal birthday gift. i need to meet hulk for a favour to courier it to chicken pie. it's cheaper using his staff's discount privilege.
you know diary, sometimes i don't know if i am just generous, kind or plain stupid. i have invested many times on things that do not proved to be worthwhile. i was so blinded by lust. thinking back, i realised how easy it was for me to allow myself to overspend on girls. i have this anger inside me you know. the only girl that didn't make me pay was flying waitress. she paid for everything and i felt indebted to her. it's not that i wanted to but i had no other choice cos i was a student when i met her and i was broke. i intend to bring her out to dinner for that famous sop tulang at beach road or anywhere just so i could repay her kindness but it never happened because of some unforeseen circumstances which turned me off completely. i hope she is blessed with happiness and success with all her undertakings.
you know diary, i am beginning to hate the idea of having a relationship. i don't know but i just hate it so much now. it's probably because of my experiences and they are all lousy and bad experiences. thinking about how much i spent and got nothing out of it really annoyed me. how could i be so stupid like that. the funny thing is, not only did i have to spend when they were here but i also have to spend when i was there. so regardless of where i was, i still have to keep spending money. even when they were not my girlfriend, i still have to fork out my own money for them when they were here.
the thing is this diary, i am not regretting it but i am just pissed sometimes. have you ever thought this to yourself? it is like, you are naturally generous and you offer to pay for almost everything and then, you just get unlucky because people take advantage of your generosity. people get so used to you paying that they don't have to worry about money anymore because they know you are around to pay for them. do you get what i mean?
friendships or relationships should not be having that kind of trust. friends and couples must have a mutual understanding that cost should be shared accordingly and must not expect one party to be paying only for the rest of the entire lifetime of the relationships. even married couples are splitting the bills and the cost to pay for a living, what more people like us who do not have any written agreement to legalise our togetherness. i have seen marriages failed because of financial issues and i have come across wives seeking divorces from their husbands because the husbands do not carry out their responsibility to the family and living out of the wives salary. it's pathetic isn't it?
i had a friend, she wanted to come here but told me she's broke so i offered her free lodging and meals, nothing fancy just simple ones. the next thing i knew she was shopping for shoes when i came to fetch her. i didn't get her and i chose not to ask. there are some good friends though, they are the ones i guess i will not be so calculative with. i guess there are two groups of people in your life that you must meet. we have the calculative and the not so calculative ones. so i think we just have to know how to carry ourselves with them. we cannot be generous with everybody otherwise people will take advantage and we must never allow that to happen.
i have learnt my lessons and i have written a list of names and divided them into categories. i will make it a guide for me to follow on who i can be generous with and who i can't. *giggles* it sounds terrible but believe me, this is what life is all about. you don't let people bully you financially, psychologically and mentally. i am not stingy diary, but i have had enough. at some point in your life, you will realise that being nice and generous is not the main key to ultimate happiness. you lose some and you win some. you got to be nice sometimes and bad sometimes. everything has to balance up and if you have to be selective to whom you want to be nice with, then by all means go ahead because not everybody will be nice and generous to you too.
do you know that i missed everwood on tv last night? gosh, i think i am really tired because i have missed two of my favourite late night dramas this week which has never happened before. i missed the practice and i missed everwood. i was awake but i fell asleep just when the dramas started. i feel uneasy and awkward. i am not going to miss them again next week and i am going to make sure i won't. i feel so angry with myself for missing them, i feel that i have betrayed them and i must do something to make it up to them. they don't have everwood and the practice on vcds so i can't buy them.
CSI has its dramas on vcds and i wish the practice and everwood would have too. i have to sleep early tonight cos i have to wake up early tomorrow for my driving class. i wouldn't want to be late again for my class. i have to be punctual and if possible arrive 10 minutes earlier. i am really excited now and i cannot wait to complete the course. i have checked with my friend in jb and she agrees to teach me driving using her car. i am paying her RM50 for 2 hours and i think it is worth it. i just need to practice on parallel parking and going uphill and downhill. i really need to get it right and to practice on safe driving because the tester will emphasised on safe driving techniques other than your smooth driving skills. i really hope to pass it at first try because i don't want to have to fork out anymore money.
i need to focus in saving enough money for my school now. can't really spend on unnecessary things. i have been wise in spending my money nowadays and i can see i am more discipline. i guess furthering my studies and moving out of singapore are my inspirations and i know that it's not possible to do so unless i have enough funds in my bank. everytime i feel like shopping, i will wait and freeze myself for 1 minute and think carefully if it is really worth it, everytime i see something nice to wear, i will stop to think of the existing clothes i have in my wardrobe and that stops me from buying. come to think of it, i have plenty of clothes that's not worn enough and i don't really need anymore new clothes.
i read somewhere that people usually buy on impulse. it is called impulsive shopping where they don't really need the products but they are lured to buy with attractive discounts and good looking products that caught their attention. for filthy rich people, it is okay to shop on impulse but for ordinary folks like me, it is not something that we can often afford to do. we have to cut our coat according to the cloth we have. i think i will still be a simple woman even if i am rich. i just see that i have one significant quality in my life that hates to waste on things. i hate to waste on water, electricity, tissue paper, food, in fact everything. i know myself and i guess this is my plus point. whatever that i can save, i will save but at the same time i am also not being stingy. i just need to be cautious with my spending habit.
oh diary, that sabah girl replied my email, wait, i think let's call her sandakan shall we? sandakan replied my email and she told me how badly she wants to be a lawyer and was so dissapointed when she couldn't get into the pre law programme at UITM last year. she is trying again for the degree course at UITM and i hope she gets it. i replied her back and i advise her on other options available for her. i hope she will do some research and study first and keeps her options open instead of narrowing her chances. from the moment i read her email, i knew she is sincere. it's hard to get someone to be sincere with you especially after two chat sessions. she seems to chat everyday probably because she has all the time in the world to herself. her application result to UITM will be released in early July.
i don't think she is working temporarily. i wish i would have her luxury to oversleep myself and bum around at home. i really need that kind of luxury right now. this year is tough for me, i got so many things to achieve and the most crucial part about that is, i must achieve it this year otherwise i will never forgive myself. i am working hard right now and i have never seen myself work so hard like this. i have to make it this year by hook or by crook. i have refrain myself from shopping, from leisure, from entertainment and from any other influence that might slows down my progress. i have been praying to god to make my dream a reality and to smoothen my journey to success. i am confident that i can make it there this year. i just need to stay focus and pray.
No comments:
Post a Comment