I Am Sensitive

I Am Sensitive

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

let' talk about the girls

dear diary,

i called taj mahal last night from the home phone and spoke to her about 15 minutes. it's been awhile since we last spoke on the phone. we had a lot to talk and eventually i had to put down the phone. i am not going to repeat history anymore. i have had enough of bills and i am enjoying the freedom of debt free. we had a lot to talk but we had to squeeze everything into the 15 minutes we had. it was good and i was happy to hear from her. i miss her voice and i miss being with her. she sounded happy last night, very cheerful and lively. the thing about taj mahal is that she made me want to be with her longer when i was with her. i enjoyed her company and i noticed that she looks even more sweeter if you care to look at her face longer. she has thick black long hair and it smells good after her shower. i remembered the time i kissed her forehead and her hair smells really good. i can never get enough of that.

surprisingly aramis text me 5 days ago. this is what they say, expect the things you least expect to happen. i never expected and hope to receive anymore text from her but i did. i was really surprise when i got the text. while i was reading the first text, came another text from her and another and another. there were 12 messages altogether and they all were my previous messages to her. she forwarded to me back the messages as though making an effort to tell me something through what i have said to her before. perhaps she was trying to remind me of my affections towards her or she wants me to know that she keeps almost all of my messages even if they are 1 year old. i replied her back but i did the same thing like what she did. i forwarded 8 of her previous messages to her and it stopped there.

i selected few important and significant ones to forward to her and i hope she gets what i mean. on that night, an earthquake hit indonesia off sumatera and penang felt that tremor just like how she felt the tsunami tremors. i read about it from the papers and i saw in the news that some residents of penang had to be evacuated from their houses and i knew at that time i had to text her. i just had to check on her and find out how she was doing. she replied me back instantly, she sounded happy in that sms and she thanked me for my concern. i knew then that both of us share the same feelings for each other. i bet she has a folder the stores all my messages to her just like how i do. i named that folder after the name i call her. just by looking at the folder with her name on it makes me feel so in love with her. i really do miss her and i hope one day we can be united as one.

my tuition is twice a week 2 hours per lesson. i don't have a fixed place but it is held at tampines or pasir ris most of the times. it looks like they are going to be the place i frequent most for the rest of the year. i am beginning to memorise the place and how to get around there. tampines is the only residential place that has many neighbourhood shopping centre. i often get lost when i am there. that's where i met flying waitress for the first time. it's quite far from my place if you take the train but it can be near by road. there are bus service from my place to tampines nowadays and it can be very convenient.

it was so long ago but i can still recall how i felt when i met her. the friendship didn't last long, it was shortlived by some silly childish assumptions. i can't tell how it happened because i was totally lost when it was happening. out of a sudden, she became very quiet, like a total stranger. no explanations, no details no stories. i got the message so i left her alone and only then she bothered to explain. she could have done so earlier without making me feel like a bloody fool. i lost steam already when she did her explanations and so i wasn't really interested anymore. the more i heard her reasoning, the more i grew disinterested in her. it's not her fault but it's the situation that makes me sick. i feel like a complete jerk. there i was, thinking and wondering what could i have done wrong that made her grew quiet with me. honestly, i am dissapointed with how things had work out between us.

i never tried to come on to her i never tried to sweet talk her, i didn't even ask for her number when we chatted. it was given to me and i called her. perhaps how i treat my friend is a little too much for some people but i swear i never can recall if i had gone overboard. things became awkward after the explanations and i became rude and blunt with her. i was thinking, how easy it was for her to stay quiet with me for reasons only god knows and how easy it was for her to come and talk to me when she feels like it. no offence but i am human and i don't wish to get entangle with relationship politics. it makes me sick and i have had enough issues of my own to settle than being the person people can accuse again for a sour relationship. it's all the same with bermuda triangle and the best option is to leave it alone.

i did sms her once after those time because i was honestly thinking of her when i was skating at east coast. there were too many planes and the skate i was wearing reminded me of her too cos i knew she skates as well. after that, i knew then it is best to leave things alone, both of us have got nothing to lose anyway. it was just for awhile, we were ok before we knew each other and i am sure we are ok when we become strangers. it's back to square one however, i cannot deny that i have this strange feelings everytime i am at tampines. it's crazy...

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