dear diary,
little sister called yesterday and we talked for about 1 hour i think. i told her not to waste her money on phone bills with me but she insisted to talk to me. she told me that people will die one day and when her condition is still in question even after the transplant, she does not see a reason for her to be thrifty. she said something like 'i will die someday so why do i need to save money? other people will get to use my money instead of me when i die so when i am alive, i might as well use up my money...' she made sense and it's logical for her to say that but it hit me kind of hard. i felt so sad. i could feel the tears welled up in my eyes. i just felt so upset when i heard that. i know people will die someday but i just don't want to hear about it. i don't want to feel it all over again.
i was close to tears but i held it back just like when i heard about my late brother. sometimes, when you have grown emotionally attached to someone even if they are strangers, you will feel for them. that's how i feel about little sister. she has dissapeared in my life before but she came back, i am not sure for how long she's staying this time but i know she will always look for me if she ever goes missing again. it is very sad to hear something like that said from your loved ones. i can only cry in silence for her. i don't want to lose anyone dear to me anymore. make my little sister safe wherever she is please.
did i tell you the TV in my room broke down and i have not been watching tv in my room for 3 nights already? i missed The Practice on TV on tuesday and that was such a shame. i feel asleep in my room and woke up just in time to catch it, but i was too tired to get out of bed to go to the hall outside and i continured sleeping. imagine if the tv in my room was not out of order, i could have watched it from bed. i found out that the TV in my room was out of order on sunday evening. i was watching the animal planet when out of a sudden, it switched off on its own. it gave the impression that the tube blew up inside and i couldn't switched it on anymore.
i knew it has to go and i have to get a new one. i didn't do anything about it on monday because i just thought to wait for a day or two before deciding on what to do. i am contemplating on whether to buy a new one or to get this one repaired. getting it repaired would be cheaper but there is a risk of it getting out of order again. remembering that i bought the tv from a second hand tv shop, the risk of spending more money on repair work is very thick. furthermore, i have used the tv for almost 2 and a half years and i only paid 200 bucks for it. it is 21 inch and to buy a 21 inch tv for a 200 bucks is considered something very cheap. so last night, i was window shopping at northpoint and went to harvey norman. i knew that televisions in singapore are getting cheaper and cheaper.
i browsed through the models they have and one caught my attention. i decided to settle for a 21 inch cos i am so used to big screen tv. the delivery charge was at 30 bucks plus installations and the setting up of channels. the one that i picked was going at 199 bucks, it was on sale while stocks last. i decided not to have it delivered instead i am going to pay cash and carry. coincidentally, my brother called me and we arranged to meet at northpoint. i got the TV home and installed it myself. it was easy cos the tv has auto search and auto register channels function so i did not have to manually store the channels into the tv. it was made easy with the cable tv channel box. the channels are all registered in seconds and it's ready for viewing. hang tuah was as usual, always gets excited over something new at home. he ran in and out of my room with high speed and jumps on top of the old tv. when he gets so excited, his ears will be pulled back and whenever he runs he will make a sound like a car screeching. i can only watched him in amusement. he can be such a clown sometimes and you can never be angry with him.
i was happy when the new tv is ready for viewing. i am back to my old habits and i am so happy to be able to watch The OC, the practice, one tree hill, ER, desperate housewives, the amazing race and many more dramas from the convenience of my bed.
oh, i sent an email to the girl from sabah. it was just a short message. i didn't want to get online in IRC but somehow i just wanted to see if she was around and she was. i chatted up with her and she told me she waited for me last night but i was not around. i never remembered making any virtual date with her but it was nice to know that someone waited for you just so she could chat with you. i am not really excited anymore but i still wanted to know about this girl. it is true that she is the youngest child in her family and all of her siblings are married. i am beggining to get to know her little by little.
i asked her about marriage, about her plan to further her studies, about her family and about her options if she does not get into the University to do her law. she might not move to KL if she does not get a place in the Uni, so she will stay in sabah. i really wonder how does she look like. i never asked her for her number, never asked her for a picture and i never asked her about her outlooks. we never touched on personal stuffs, it's just casual conversations one have in the process of getting to know. she seems nice and i hope she gets a place in the University to pursue her law degree. it is not for me to know her but i just want her to be given the opportunity i think she deserves.
i should have told her she has other options to pursue law if she does not get into the public uni. probably in my next email to her i will give her some options for her to do if she really wants to do law. that will probably help her keep her options open and to know that to make her dreams a reality is not difficult if she knows her way around apart from meeting the minimum requirements. you need to do a lot of homework before you embark on your journey. it's good to be prepared and have the informations at your finger tips.
oh diary, i have to go. little sister is calling me again, she can be stubbornly adorable sometimes. told her not to call me anymore but she still does. i think she wants to make up for what she has done to me. she seems to think that she has been neglecting me and was not always there for me when i was in need of her. i can understand how she feels but i feel bad if i ever answer her phone calls. that will result in her having high phone bills. i have been there and it was painful to pay almost 50 percent of your earnings to bills. oh oh, she text me now and sounded angry that i didn't pick up her calls.
i think she is sulking now. oh geezz, i wish i had pick up her call just now. i put my phone on silence mode and if i do not watch the phone i wouldn't know someone is calling me. i was busy too just now and i have explained that to her. i hope she understands and learn to be a little more understanding. little sister is the youngest in the family and believe me, she is pampered to the core. she sulks easily and she can be fragile as china if not taken care of properly. i think she is like hang tuah a bit, naughty but very adorable. *laughing* she is okay now, back to her self. sometimes, i really wish i were infront of her so i can do whatever i can to make it up to her. i would probably be trying hard not to laugh infront of her cos i never really take people seriously when they sulk.
it just makes me more ticklish at heart and the more they sulk the more i want to tease them. i can be very mischievious and there's no one better to tease than someone who is sulking. it would be such an honour to do that. little sister asked what do i want for my birthday and i just don't know how to answer her. i am not used to people asking me like that and even if they do, i have no idea what to ask. it is just my nature to hate being asked what i want for a gift. i have always believed in getting something i want on my own with my own money. i am like that since young and i like to be that way.
diary, i am thinking of my late brother. i am remembering the days when he was a kid. i am remembering of the time we spent when we were young. i remember how he took care of me when our parents had to go to work to make ends meet. i am remembering everything about him. i feel very depressed, my heart is beating with sadness and pain. i cannot say anymore diary, i have said enough but enough is never enough. i was wondering if there is anything i could do to bring him back. i miss him so much like a young child craving for his dead mother. i wish he were still here with us,i wish he were still alive. i am still upset over his death. i am so heartbroken diary..*sigh*
No comments:
Post a Comment