dear diary i have been looking forward to the amazing race on wednesday only to be dissapointed when my favourite team lost. there were 3 teams left and they were, the notorious rob and amber, the decent uchenna and joyce and the unmatch couple ron and kelly. i began to like rob and amber right from the beginning of the show probably because i am quite familiar with them from survivor. rob is playful and fun while amber is the typical girlfriend who would just sit back and enjoy looking at her fiance's mischiefs. they are known to be the most infamous team on the show and are very good at scheming their way to win the game.
they are the most competitive team on the show and are very consistent in their performance coming in first most of the times. mum hates them because they were sleek in that show and were very manipulative and cocky at times. i like them because i just thought they were adorable and fun. as far as i can recall, i couldn't recall one episode where they had quarelled and shouted at each other. i cannot remember if they had ever been in disagreements over a decision made, thay have always been loving towards each other and i think they are really a compatible couple. they were so cool and relax with each other but still manage to stay in the game being in the top 3 position most of the times. i like how they treat each other and would love to have that kind of bonding with my girlfriend if i will ever have one.
it is probably possible to be like that with taj mahal because she is soft and i am hard. she behaves like amber and will just sit down and watch me behaves occasionally smiling at my mischiefs. she doesn't controll me or tells me how to behaves. i think she is the kind who lets the more dominant one in her relationship have the upper hand. if she sees the need to correct my attitude then she will, otherwise she would gives me the freedom to behave how i like but of course without getting overboard.
i don't know if i can have that kind of relationship with chicken pie. she called me last night to say that she will be coming to singapore next weekend and hope to meet me. she is going for a cruise and the boat is leaving from singapore at noon on sunday. she will be leaving kl on saturday after her class about 3 in the afternoon. i don't think i can meet her on saturday as i will definitely be in JB. so i told her that the only time i can meet her is on sunday morning. she is not really excited upon hearing that cos she has the intention to go clubbing on saturday night here and have another taste of singapore nightlife.
this is the thing with chicken pie that i don't fancy. although i enjoy being with her but she enjoys clubbing which is not my cup of tea. she likes to party and she usually will have dinners, lunch or tea with all her friends whom i think are those kind of people. do you get what i mean diary? i can tell that i will not get comfortable with her friends and if we were a couple, her friends would consider i am unfriendly, proud or vain. well what the heck, who cares anyway when you are an introvert by nature?
talking about relationships, it makes me miss aramis so much. how is she doing right now? is she thinking about me? is she in good health? i miss her diary...i miss her so much, everytime i see a black RAV 4 i would think of her and imagining that she's driving it and smiling at me. everytime i come across anything related to penang, it would remind me of her and every eurasian woman seems to look like her. i really don't know how would i feel if i come face to face with her. i wish she knows how i am missing her so badly that it makes me feel so empty inside. if only i had been a little patient.
driver text message me last night and asked if i could wait till next month for him to return my money back. it seems that he is faced with another domestic problem and it is quite serious. he has been ordered to move out of the house by his family and the police came to his house last night to enforce the order. i kind of expected that he could not repay my money back but i never expected this to happen. i feel sad for him but at the same time i feel so annoyed by him. it's not because of his inability to settle his debts but it is more because of his attitude towards life and his approach to bring solutions to all his problems.
he can be so stupid sometimes till the extent that people lost respect towards him. time and again i have repeatedly told him to move out of the house since his family is treating him like a beggar. he took his time and always procrastinate. i do try to put myself in his shoes sometimes and i can only imagine how i would fight back and talk back if my family were to treat me like that. i would plan myself a strategy to get out of the house and will not wait till i am chased out. driver can be so inefficient most of the times and always wait for things to happen rather than make things happen for himself.
his mind is narrow and shallow that i get so pissed with him always. he only thinks that the only way to get out of the house is to get married but he found himself a useless good for nothing girlfriend who has become his fiance. imagine this diary, when you are going to get married, you are about to share everything that you own and owe, good or bad, sadness or happiness and trouble or ease. i was the one whom he had to turn to for money to go to work when he just got this job and i was the one who he asked for help when he was chased out of the house. i never asked him about his fiance because i knew how would i have reacted if he told me about her. i just did not want to add another misery to his already so troubled life.
in times of needs like this, who do you expect a person to call if he is already engaged? naturally it would be the fiance but not in his case and do you want to know why? his fiance only cares about his wealth and does not wish to get involve with his problems. she only will be with him when his pocket is loaded with money and will distant herself from him when he is in need of help often giving excuses just to escape from giving him aid be it financially or morally. i hate that bitch diary and if only i could have a chat with her over coffee and tell her what i think of her, wouldn't it be nice?
this is what i don't understand about driver, he is so desperate that he would marry any girl just to get away from his family even if the girl treats him no better than how his own family treats him. i have tried all i can to give him suggestions and alternatives for solutions but he still stick with his old fashion and impractical and unrealistic plan. driver got the message that i despise his fiance very much and never talk about her to me anymore unless i ask. you know diary, sometimes i wonder if i had gone overboard with him. i am so harsh with him and i always have straightforward talk with him. i think i have hurt his ego so many times that he has grown immune to it. i just feel i had to do it to make him wake up and realised there are so many options he can opt for and not to be too dependent on something which is uncertain and a waste of time.
i knew he would call me to seek help soon after he text me his predicaments and i knew somehow i had to help him. as much as i want him to be independent, still i knew it is not the right time to expect that since he's not even mentally stable right then. as expected he called and i called hippo immediately. it is just his luck that hippo has been divorced and her house is vacant now as she is putting up at her parent's. i negotiated with hippo to rent her house to driver at a reasonable price and gave driver her number for him to arrange where to meet to finalise the deal. hippo asked if she can trust driver and if it is possible to expect prompt payment for rent from him. i couldn't tell hippo about the duration he is taking to clear my debts because i knew he desperately needs a place to stay by that night itself.
i told hippo to meet driver and see for herself and then make her decision. i thought it is only fair for me to say that. i text message driver back and told him that i expect him to pay my money back next month and i also expect him to be prompt in paying the rent and not to dissapoint me and humiliate me with hippo. hippo has been a long time friend of mine and i do not wish to see our friendship suffers because of him. he didn't reply me back but i figured he knew i meant what i said. i am not trying to be mean or adding more pressure to him but i just guess i had to do what i had to do.
i can't be too lenient and soft on him because he has played me out before and i know he is capable to do it again. desperate measures call for desperate times and it could be that he is agreeing and saying yes to anything and everything now because he is desperate for a place to live and desperate for money when he borrowed from me. it is only natural for desperate people in need of help to agree with all the terms and conditions placed upon him in order to get what he needs. i hope he appreciates my help and will not dissapoint me because if he does, i will probably go to his workplace and humiliate him. *grins* never take my kindness for granted and never underestimate my wicked side, that's what i told him and i meant every word i said.
as much as we want to be kind and nice, we cannot allow ourselves to be taken for granted. there are always boundaries and some lines which people cannot cross. if they were to cross them, it is at their own risk because that's what life is all about. we take risk everyday unknowingly and if we have made some costly mistake, we better be ready to face the music. this time is probably the last time that i would lend anyone money again. i am tired of it diary and i don't like to feel miserable for not getting my money back or having to face the misery of late repayments.
waiting is painful and i don't want to feel the pain anymore. i am just a human as ordinary as i can be lending help to those who needs it but i just figured that giving help in terms of money can be very risky and i have decided to stop it. i have turn to volunteering work as an alternative and it gives more pleasures and satisfactions. it opens up my soul, my heart and my mind. i began to see things with my heart together with my eyes now instead of just my eyes. if anybody thinks that i am mean or bad, stingy or miserly then all i can say is i am no angel or a prophet.
i hope driver will have his life straightened out someday somehow and i hope he will successfully figure out if it is really worth to marry someone like his fiance. it is sad to know that his family can afford to do such heartless act against him but it also helps me to realised what a good and blessed family i have. we may not be the richest family on earth but the warmth in our family surely gives me more than enough feelings to be fortunate and blissful. it makes me contented and grateful and most of all it makes me love them even more than i ever could. i thank god, my parents and my brothers for making my family a happy family in its own special way.
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