dear diary,
i took my family to dinner on sunday to celebrate mother's day. we left early and had maghrib at the sultan mosque. the place we were suppose to go to was crowded but i managed to get seats. it was a cafe and it has western concept like The Breeks. it is two months old and i understand why the service is slow, disorganise and poor. however, one good thing i could say about it is, it serves good food that makes your money worth. it has good reviews and that was why i decided to bring the family there. since it is new, it only accepts cash payments and i had to walk about 500 meters to the nearest ATM machine. that was inconvenience number 1.
the seats i got for my family, had one spot light which shine directly above my dad's bald head. it was really making him uncomfortable and we had to change seats cos according to him, he's getting headache already and i was just afraid that it might makes him even more balder *grins*. that was inconvenience number 2. after changing seats, we had to wait for a very long time before someone took our orders and that was only after my brother called him. that was inconvenience number 3. finally the owner of the restaurant came to our table and cooly apologised to us that his kitchen had run out of ingredients and stocks and it is literally impossible for them to cook what we have ordered. that was inconvenience number 4. i looked at him and i laughed in disbelieve. i was saying in my heart, after all that trouble you caused me to walk 500 meters to the nearest ATM machine and after your spotlight did an ugly job to my dad's already bald head giving him a headace, now you are telling me that your cook cannot have our food prepared because you had run out of stocks.
i was embarassed with my own family. there i was with good, squeaky clean intention to give a treat to my family especially mum on this special occassion but had to be dissapointed with such news. it was so anti climax but all of us managed to keep our cool. the owner tried to make it up to us by offering free sandwiches to us. we accepted his offer but decided to turn down his offer and head to the nearest turkish restaurant just across the street. we didn't lose our cool and just thought that there are still rooms for improvements on his part and we were just there to support.
the good thing about that location is that it has many cafes and restaurants and one can go to other places if face with problems like us. we decided to settle for turkish cuisine and was very satisfied with the service and food served. it was really an enjoyable experience and i cannot forget how tasty the food was. they were all delicious right from the starters to the main dishes. i begin to enforce my belief that whatever happens has reason and it was a blessing in disguise that the first cafe we went to was a dissapointment.
we would not have known of the good food and warm service offered at the turkish restaurant if not for what happened at the cafe. mum, dad, my brother and myself enjoyed the meals. although at first i did not understand the menu and was apprenhensive of eating there, i was happy that they did not let me down especially my family. it was a great satisfaction and i wouldn't mind going there again for the second time and so forth. i paid the bills and was surprised at how cheap it could be. not only that it serves good delicioud food but the prices are very affordable too. this is what i say, satisfaction guaranteed when you eat at that restaurant.
chicken pie called me when we were waiting for our food and i had to cut the conversation short cos i did not want to be softspoken out of a sudden and be mushy on the phone. that would bring nothing but suspicions among my family members especially mum. chicken pie got the message and put down the phone. after dinner she text me and told me she misses me very much and wished me goodnight and hoped that i will dream of her. oh yes, one more thing, she called me baby *grins*.
you know, i have always knew that going steady with chicken pie would make me feel so loved because chicken pie is the kind who calls someone she adores with names such as, 'darling', 'sayang', 'honey', 'dear', 'baby' and whatever that you can think of that sounds loving. i like that very much and i like it best when she calls me cos she has this very sweet voice that gives you the impression that you are talking to a sweet, cute and adorable woman. she's a very loving person and someone i should say caring. i am sure i will not feel neglected if i were to go steady with her. i do miss her and i do think of her most of the times but i am just afraid. i am afraid that aramis might appear in my life again and screw things up between chicken pie and i. aramis has the reputation like that in my life because i have love her so much that no girls on earth can overtake her position in my heart.
i dumped kiddo for aramis and history is going to repeat itself if i am not careful with my steps. eventually someone will get hurt and i don't want that to happen. i still have taj mahal to think about. geeess, i am so screwed up with girls already. tell me what to do diary? perhaps i should just remain as friends and then draw a line somewhere and stop getting intimate with them. this is for everybody's sake. i think that should be the way but how can i when almost every girls i met ...ermm..never mind. i will tell you some other days.
mum and i talked about my studies after dinner and i told her of my detailed plans and she agrees with me. i made it clear to her of my needs and wants and i can see the excitement in her face. she is happy for me and she asked how long is it going to be before i graduate. she did her calculation and told me how old she would be when i finally reach my destination. i looked at her and i nodded and i felt a slight sadness in my heart. i didn't know exactly wht did she mean by that but it could either mean, she was thinking if she would still be alive by then to watch how i achieve my goals or could she still afford to finance my studies by then.
i knew what she was thinking and i should have given her a hug, a big bear hug just to assure her not to worry about anything and i will make it there. i felt so much for her and i realised how much she wants me to get there. if there's anything i can do to make her all smiles i would and i walked beside her making a promise to myself that i will take care of her and dad even if i have to sacrifice my goals. i will do whatever it takes to give them a comfortable life. i love them so much and i want them to be happy, please god, allow me to have the time and capabilities to turn my dreams into realities, for them, myself and the whole family.
there's not many of us left in the family, logically speaking there are only my eldest brother and i and if he can't take care of them, it has to be me and i am ready for it if i have to. you know diary, i keep praying to God to bless my parents with good health. i am so worried that they might get sick or disable because i know what it is going to be like. i always have this fear in me for them. it takes great patience to endure such test from God because i have seen it and feel what it is like. i have witnessed someone so strong and healthy to be so sick and helpless like a child. anything can happen to us and i am so scared of that. i often think of my late brother and wonder what is it going to be like if he were still alive.
i wonder if we would have been the same like before. i wonder would i have realised how much i love him, i wonder if i would have been remorseful for all the wrongs i have done. i felt his lost all these while and i have been holding back the pain. i will definitely feel blank on my birthday because it is so close to his death. it is just one month apart from my birthday and it falls on the same date as my birthday as well. i am not over his death yet diary. sometimes i imagined that he was still alive hanging around in the house. we have never been separated and have lived under the same roof all our lives and it is difficult to get used to the fact that he's gone forever. i miss him so much and i only can hope to see him again in the afterlife and i don't know when it is going to be.
i want to shout out loud how much i love him and how sorry i am but i can't. mum is indeed a very strong person, i think she is stronger than me. i just had to cut the conversation short everytime she spoke about my late brother because i knew i will break down anytime soon. most celebrations are done without him now and i keep reflecting on the past when he was still around. i have to stop doing it diary but i can't. it happened naturally and i need it to happen because it will at least ease the pain a little. when it happened, i would just forget about everything else and would be in my own world imagining him to exist. it's how i comfort myself and i hope he understands. i am not sure if my parents are doing the same thing like i do, they seemed calm and fine on the surface but we cannot take everything at face value. how can you tell a broken heart that is beyond repair from a smiling face? if you have figure out how, let me know and i will learn.
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