No Time For Love

Dear Diary,

I was on sick leave on Monday and Tuesday. I came back to work today and guess what, I had to do overtime as usual. This is the thing about my job, working late is simply inevitable. I finished work 15 mins to 11 and I took the cab home. I have tendered my resignation. My last day will be on the last working day of February. Keeping myself busy with work leaves me with no or very little time about love. It is good in some ways. I guess it is better like this. 

The stall hunting is ongoing and I think I have found myself liking one stall. I have not viewed it yet but I have spoken to the owner. I am planning to view it this Sunday. I am beginning to feel a slight pressure nowadays. It is hard to describe. It is like I want to start the business so much but I cannot deny that I am also afraid. There are simply many things to do and to think about. I am putting everything into it. Sometimes I cannot believe I am making my dreams come true. But of course, it is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies. I suppose that is what I am afraid of; the pressure, the stress and the tensions. But it is for my own good isn't it Diary? I mean this is all I ever wanted. Success does not come easy. If success were easy, everybody would be successful easily right Diary? 

Oh welll Diary, I guess now is the time for me to find good, reliable and supportive staffs. They are after all the backbone of this business Inam building. Got to go now, catch you later.

Train - Drops Of Jupiter

miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.........

Come Home - One Republic ft. Sara Bareilles (TVD Soundtrack)

A fight for you is all I have ever known.......

Tired Sunday

Dear Diary,

It is Sunday and I am working. I had a choice not to come today but I chose to come as I need extra income to save for the stall. I am exhausted but I know I have responsibilities to meet and a dream to achieve. As much as I needed the rest, I too need the money. Mom and dad have been asking me about my job. Perhaps they realised I have been working so hard and I am hardly at home. Yes, I have to admit I have been spending less time at home. The warehouse has become my second home. I spend more time at the warehouse than at home. 

This weekend, I do not get a chance to make calls to enquire about the available food stalls for rent. I have made a list of all the stalls. I simply need to call and make arrangements to view. The money I have is slowly increasing by month. I have not been updating the proposal. Time is really not on my side. I get so tired by the time I reached home and the only things to do are the shower and sleep. My knees are beginning to feel like jelly, my feet hurt especially the balls of my feet. My back are so tense that I can really feel the ease when I lay down. Every morning when I wake up, I cannot really stand straight on my feet because my feet would hurt. I have to give my feet some time before I am able to walk normally. I suppose these are the things I have to endure to reach for my goals. 

I have to put on hold the things I want to buy because I know my priority is the business. Whatever extra money I have, I save it. All I can afford to do is to watch my friends go for holiday and shop. I always tell myself better time will come for me if I simply stay discipline to save and focus on the plan. Well, we get the chicken by hatching the eggs not by smashing them. As long as I can, I will stay focus, humble, patient and strong-willed. My parents have come to know about my plans. They have not said anything to indicate that they are agaisnt it. Although they do not show any excitement at least I know they do not disapprove my idea. I know I am blessed because I know I am doing this for my parents. I love them so much. 

When the time comes I will either make it or break it. I believe I will make it. InsyaAllah. Please God, make things easier for me. Amin....

Bruno Mars - Talking To The Moon

Done this a lot in 2008......when she and I broke up...

Super Busy Friday

Dear Diary,

Today is a super duper busy day for me. We have 45,000 online orders to do. Our client has launched a promotion on its products. I have to wok until midnight today. The company has employed 45 temporary part timers to assist us on the operations. Lunch and dinner will be provided. The employment of all these temporary part timers can be a bit troublesome actually. We have to train them there and then while we have to rush for time to complete the orders before the deadline. 

This is the reason why we have to work on the weekends until very late at night. I am tired and sleepy but I have to be present. The company has already disseminate a memo that attendance is compulsory. I supposed that memo is for the MC kings and queens. I am not sure if I am considered an MC queen in the company. But come to think of it, I really do not care because in this company I have to work like a cheap labour simply to get half of what I earned in the bank. I know there are other better and more promising places that offer better monetary rewards without having to work like this. 

Can I Pull Through?

Dear Diary,

I worked late again yesterday. I reached home at midnight and went to sleep at one in the morning. I woke up at six today. After all those days I have been working here, I wonder at times if I can manage once I have a stall. Having a stall means my day will start as early as five in the morning. I know I can as I have done it before but that was in Subang Jaya when I had the drink stall. Furthermore I had a car back then. Travelling to work in the wee hour of the morning was easy. I woke up as early as half past five and driving to work was a breeze. 

I do not own a car in Singapore and that could create a little problem. The earliest train that leaves Yishun MRT is 5.29am. How am I supposed to be at the stall as early as 5.30 am? I can arrange for a pick up or I can take a cab but that would be additional cost for the business. There are certainly a lot of things that I have to plan and consider before starting the operations. Diary, it is just me against the odds now. I want to do this. I know I can. It will be a bit of a struggle at first, I know that but I also know I will pull through. InsyaAllah....amin amin amin....

A Little Lost & Scared

Dear Diary,

I am on half day leave today. I am so tired. I have to work on this weekend and the Saturday after this weekend. I am pretty sure I am going to get so exhausted. Working 13 days continuously without rest everyday for 13 hours is simply madness. It looks like I am not going to be able to view any stalls available this weekend. I am a bit lost actually. With the money, time and determination I have now, they do not seem enough. I am probably afraid that it might not work out as in the daily sales will not meet my expectations. That is what I am afraid of. 

I know I want this so much but I cannot help feeling scared of failing. I do not have any back up cash to cushion my failure if I fail. This is like a gamble to me. I must do it once and I must make sure I do it right, like hitting a jackpot with one pull of the lever. Location is my top priority. I suppose it is time for me to pray hard, think hard and work hard.

My Work Rage

Dear Diary,

Today I finally showed my temper at work. I got so tired that I snapped. I am so determine to quit this job and start fresh somewhere else. I suppose I have had enough of everything here. The overtime they make us do, the workload they give us and most of all the way they treat us. I simply have had enough. I cannot take anymore than what I can handle.

My day starts from six in the morning and ends at midnight most of the time. You do the Maths and let me know. I really feel like a cheap labour working here. I am a contract staff here and there are no other monetary benefits for me. There is no annual wage supplement let alone profit sharing. It is only natural for me to feel worthy if I work this hard for my own business. 

I will tender soon Diary...it will probably be tomorrow. 

The Search Continues

Dear Diary,

The search for a stall continues and I realised that it can be quite stressful. I know it is not easy but I never expected it to be this difficult. Well, perhaps it is not as difficult as I am portraying it to be. Maybe I am putting the stress on myself voluntarily. Searching for a stall makes me realised how careful I have been nowadays. I have viewed three stalls altogether and I did not make any quick decisions. I did my homework and I did not rush myself to make decisions.

What happened in Kuala Lumpur taught me things that I will never learnt anywhere else. I am more careful and wise now. I did not allow myself to become too excited about things. Whenever I viewed a stall, I give myself three days to think to let the logic sinks in. It works like that you know. I can make sound decision about this business. I am not like before when I got too excited over a business idea and got myself involved in it without doing my homework first. I had two failed businesses when I was in Kuala Lumpur. I also made a few wrong decisions there. I supposed those days are history now but it can happen again if I let myself become careless. 

I am not sure how long will I take to find a stall that suits my needs. I am feeling the stress actually but I am calming myself. I am ignoring my worrisome self. I am tired of working in the warehouse Diary. I simply cannot wait to start the business. Oh well...I have to stop now. I will talk to you soon. 

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz Lyrics

Dear Diary,

I want to dedicate this song to my Dream....I hope she understands the lyrics...

Hey dream...this song is for you...

Thank God It Is Friday

Dear Diary,

I am so glad that it is Friday as I have the whole weekend to myself. I can complete my proposal by this weekend and I can oversleep myself. I need more sleep and more cash too. I am really hoping that I will be selected for the business grant as I need that extra cash. There are a few criterias I have to meet to be elligible for the grant. I will only submit the proposal once I have a stall and my company registered. I have came out with a few names. I like all of them but I can only choose one. 

Infinity has been emailing me lately. It is simply the casual "hi" and "how are you" kind of thing you know. I replied her not wanting to be accused of being rude. I hardly ask her well being because I do not want to sound concern about her. I certainly do not want to give her the wrong impression. Sometimes, it is better to draw a line with certain people. Being too comfortable can lead to being disgruntled later on. I am not sure if I can hang out with her ever again. I still have this friction you know. It is certainly hard to forget the past especially when I did not have the chance to let her know how I felt about it all. I do not want to remember but I cannot help it. We had a sour break up and after four years I am still feeling it. At times I wonder to myself have I been blind for the time I was with her. 

Oh Diary...love sucks to me most of the times and I refuse to feel it anymore nowadays. I live my life one day at a time to save myself from emotional roller coaster rides. I cannot wait to continue writing my proposal. I cannot wait to be successful. I have this weekend all to myself and I am going to treasure it. 

Thursday Emotions...

Dear Diary,

It was difficult for me to get out of bed this morning. At times I wonder when will this end. I am pretty sure it is not going to end anytime soon as I have to work until the end of my time here on earth. Everybody has to work unless you are born with a silver spoon in the mouth. We have to put food on the table and to meet life's demands. Sometimes I think about death. I ask myself will I keep on trying until I die. I also ask myself why does it matter so much to me if I know I am going to die one day. I do not know Diary. 

Perhaps I want to achieve something in my life that money cannot buy.  It is not difficult to fathom. There are so many things to say. I believe each and everyone of us have reasons to reach for our goals. Only we know why. It is for ourselves, family, friends or perhaps the people we love. We have our own true stories. I simply hope I can reach my goals before my time is up. This is for my family especially mom and dad. My heart's desires are for their convenience. 

Please Allah...make things easier for me. Give me the strength to face the challenge. Make me calm in times of adversities for my own betterment. Give me time to make my parents proud of me. 

I Have Made Up My Mind

Dear Diary,

I have made up my mind. I do not want to stress myself to think of other alternative menus simply to take up the stall space. I will keep looking around until I find it. I will stick to my original plans. Honestly, the stall has been up for grabs since a month ago. I am sure many other hawkers have came and viewed the stall. Perhaps they are also thinking like what I am thinking. A business article that I read says not to be in a hurry to find a shop space. One has to do his homework first before deciding. I compared the good and the bad of the stall. I compared the pros and cons of the stall. 

I am following that tip. I have been looking up the papers everyday for the classified section. I hope to find it soon and I hope my money is enough when I finally find it. *grins* 

Not So Busy Tuesday

Dear diary,

Today is not a busy day. It was hard for me to get out of bed but I managed and all went well. I did not take lunch today as I rushed to the hawker centre to take a peek at the lunch crowd. I was only there for a short while. I did not stay long so my judgement was based on that short period I was there. 

I am still deciding if I should take up the stall. Many things are going on in my mind right now. I think about the salaries I have to pay, about the daily sales, about the rent and most of all about surviving. I have done some rough mental calculations on the sales forecast and I know how much I need to make daily to sustain the business. The question is, can I?

When cash is scarce, I have to be choosy and careful. I do not want to repeat histories. I have learnt from my mistakes. Business is a risk, I cannot change that. But, I can change that risk into a calculated one. I have failed too many times to fail again. I cannot afford to have another failure in my life. 

Diary...I know you are just something that I write to. Deep down inside my heart, I believe somehow you know how I feel. I want this so much but you know I cannot afford to make wrong decision anymore. I have to ask Him for directions. I supposed He knows best.

Another Lazy Monday

Dear Diary,

Today, I experience another lazy morning. I did not plan this but I simply thought I wanted to give myself another break from work. Well not really actually. I still woke up the same time and accompanied mother to JB to get her ATM card renewed. I am surprised that the banks in Malaysia still issue ATM cards with expiry dates. Maybe it is an issue with security but yes it can be quite troublesome sometimes.

Last night I went to view a stall. It was spontaneous. I was doing my proposal and I was looking up the advertisements in the paper. There and then I called up the number and I decided to go and have a look at the stall myself. It was crowded. There are only five Muslim stalls who are operating and the rest are non Muslim stalls. I still have not decided. Hello Kitty and Pink like the stall. Oh yes, Pink is my future staff. I am still deciding and I give myself until tomorrow. I brought mother with me to view the stall today, she seemed quiet and did not suggest anything to me. I am lost. I do not know if she is happy with the idea of me running a food stall. I simply cannot tell.

Sometimes I do not know what to do. People say, a parents blessings are important and I do not know if she blesses me opening this business. I need her views so I can decide. I need her suggestions and most of all I need her moral support. Perhaps she is keeping mum because she does not want to discourage me. But in times like this, I do need her opinions. 

Last night was encouraging. The Hawker centre was packed with people. Today, during lunch it was quiet and that made me become indecisive. I am not sure if I should wait or grab the stall. The thing is, if I were to wait, I might not find a stall that is suitable to me. This stall suits my budget and requirements. The only thing that goes against my plan is the menu. I need time to think. It is surely not easy for me. 

It is near to my workplace. I am planning to visit the hawker centre everyday during lunch to see the crowd. Monday might be a quiet day because most hawker stalls and food stalls close their businesses on Monday but I will have to keep watch on other days. It surely is difficult Diary....I am a bit discourage now. *sighs*

This stall certainly suits my budget but I cannot do without my main menu. Nasi campur is my specialty but other stalls have already had that menus so the option I have now is to sell nasi ayam penyet and other things that people always associate with it. Let me see....nasi ayam penyet, nasi bawal penyet, nasi udang penyet and nasi sotong penyet. What else Diary? I can specialise in nasi ayam menus and add on like nasi ayam, nasi ayam sambal, nasi ayam black pepper etc etc. i can go on and on but one of the stall also already had those menus. I am stuck, really I am. *thinking* 

Oh never mind Diary.....I think I will just let it rest for awhile now. I need to see the doctor. 

Good Morning Sunday

Dear Diary,

A very happy good morning Sunday to you. I slept very well last night and I think I heard myself snoring. Funny isn't it? No it is not funny. My snoring problem has been increasingly worrying me. I can snore very loud and it can be embarassing especially when I travel. I do not know what to do. Flying Babe once told me that zi snored like as though I was a contractor. That happened of course when we were together. I spent the night at her house. I guessed I gave her a hard time to sleep or perhaps I woke her up in the middle of her sleep. 

Oh well Diary, I am sorry for snoring but I cannot help it. I think it is hereditary. Maybe I got it from dad. If I were to have another girlfriend, this would be embarassing so I must make sure this is known to her first before we move on to the next phase. *grins* 

I am not working today as I am going to finish my proposal. Hello Kitty is with me and we are ready to rumble with the proposal. Haha....we are all so excited even my colleague whomis going to work for me. I supposed she is more excited than I am. Well, what can I say...I am a step away from my dream. I will make it happen. InsyaAllah....

Throw The Garbage Out

Dear Diary,

If you have a facebook account, who would be your friends? I have about 180 friends in my friends list and I have to admit that I do not personally know them by hard. I only know them by names and some even by nicknames. The thing is, they are people I know from chatting online. Some of them I have not even met. They are not strangers though. Although most of them are online friends, I have known some of them for at least more than five years while some remain casual friends. 

I have not done any major spring cleaning of the friends list in my facebook account as I do not see the need to do that until recently. I deleted this 'friend' whom I do not even know. Like I said earlier, most of them I know by only their names. This particular self pity girl is pathetic and that is why I removed her. 

Long story short, I simply do not fancy somene who likes to post suicidal status that only shows how weak in the heart you are. For crying out loud, if you wanna die, by all means die but please do not post such status simply to attract attention and sympathy. Five days of suicidal statuses and you are still alive? What the fuck was that? And it was all because of a break up. Get serious. Go get a life you low life moron. 

Call me heartless? Looking at her pattern of status update, she deserves it. I finally got rid of one pathetic loser who got so broken over a break up. 

To hell with that love. It is everywhere, go find another, stupid. 

Blocking Me, Deleting You?

Dear Diary,

I do not know what to say to you. It is funny that I am feeling this way. I guess if someone block you from some social network, that could mean you are not worthy. Then I am assuming I am not worthy to her because she blocks me from her whatsapp. I have to admit that I used to check on her from whatsapp like when was the last time she was online but I could not anymore. Well, what can I say, she probably has her own reasons. 

I remember Dark Chocolate once told me she has deleted all the text messages on her mobile and not even one is left. Keeping or saving the text messages only makes her hard to move on she explains. As much as they are precious and have sentimental values to her, she needs to be realistic and take control of her life. The text messages only bring sadness to her making it hard on her to forget about the past. I looked at her when she explained and I knew she was right. In Dark Chocolate's case, I guess her reason is to protect herself, save herself from the emotional rides she has with all the memories the text messages bring. 

One has to forget the past to move on. One has to leave the past behind to move forward. I am sure I have but I am not sure if I really have....

Perhaps I should do the same.....

Angry FaikaNur

Dear Diary,

I am pissed with my colleague. She called me stupid behind my back. Now I am wondering if I should go and confront her. But I guess I will not because she is not worth my time. Everybody seems to have a problem to her. She thinks she is so perfect that she badmouth almost everybody all the time. I am somewhat angry with her but come to think of it, why must I bring myself to a level so low like where she is now. Everybody in the warehouse knows how she is. Anyway, she is leaving soon and it will be me after that. Like I said, this warehouse is full of people with peculiar characteristics and attitude but I have never met someone whose heart is as dark as a charcoal and mouth is as smelly as a carcass like hers. She is the most bloody imbecile nincompoop bitch. Period.

A Very Sleepy Morning

Dear Diary,

Good morning to you. I slept at half past one last night and I woke up at six today. I cannot imagine how my colleagues who have worked there for more than a year cope. I have been here for four months now and I really think this is not worthy. They make us work like we have. They have no families and life. It is no wonder that most of the workers here are foreigners. They came to Singapore to work and when I said that I meant only work. They have no social life and they have no families here. They can devout their time to work and nothing else. 

Work starts at 8 in the morning and ends as late as two in the morning. I never stayed until two but I have stayed as late as 30 minutes to midnight. I work 6 days a week. Imagine how much weight I have lost Diary. We stand at work. There is no sitting allowed. That is the nature of our jobs. Live in my shoes and you will then be able to know. I can quit anytime but the only thing that is stopping me is the dream I have. I am one step closer to my dream. I have begun to do research on staffs and locations. I have to create a system which is effective for the business.

I have got one staff and she would be my full time kitchen helper. I am looking for 2 more staffs. One would be the cook and the other would be the kitchen helper. I have everything in my head, I just need to put them down on papers. I must do the business proposal soon cos I might not have all the time in the world looking at my work schedule. Oohh Diary...looks like I am going to be one busy bee soon!! 

Tired and Worn Out

Dear Diary,

I am back home from work. i am tired and worn out. I am angry at how they make us work like this. The salary is pathetic but yes this is the salary that I have saved to make my dreams come true. I am simply divided. I want to get my business started because I know if I can work this long hours, it would be more worthy to do it for my own business. I am eager. My spirits are high now and I cannot wait to get started. All this anger I have, I am turning it into fuel for my success. 

Feeling Lazy

Dear Diary,

I am really feeling lazy today. I am on my way to work and I am listening to the radio. I feel quite alive and vibrant listening to the radio. It has been quite awhile since I feel like this. I know I have to make some changes and I am changing my life soon. I hope the business I am starting will play its part. I will play my part and I am praying quietly that it will all work out. I am spending this weekend writing my business proposal. I want lifestyle and financial freedom. 

Half day Leave

Dear Diary,

I woke up today with a bad headache on the right side of my brain. I do not know what it is. It is pounding and it hurts. I called the office to tell them I will be on half day urgent leave. I feel like taking a sick leave today but I guess that is not wise. I might be tendering end of January and that means my last day will be end of February. I can start my business in March and that makes me scared. Am I well prepared for this? Yes yes yes but I am afraid or maybe I should say nervous. 

I got to find a location soon!! Please dear God make this an easy one for me. This is all I ever wanted in my life. 

I Have Found It...

Dear Diary,

After searching high and low, I have finally found where to seek financial aid from the government for my start up. However, I need to write a business proposal first. I am working on it but not tonight as I am too tired and sleepy. Talk to you tomorrow Diary.

I Wish It Was A Saturday

Dear Diary,

I woke up with a headache and I wish today was  Saturday so I can oversleep. This job has really taken its toll on me. My head on the right side is pounding and I know I need to sleep to make it go away. The train is crowded as usual with school children and working adults.

I am feeling....

Dear Diary,

I heard somewhere that we do not need to have a lot to give....I guess it is true.  I am tired of work and I cannot wait to start my business. I want to be my own boss. I snapped at little things easily today and I can see that I am on the verge of exploding. I am tired from everything I supposed. 

Now I Know

Dear Diary,

Spending this weekend in Tangkak with my little niece tells me why some people refuse to have children. I guess I am not cut to be a mother and I think I will remain like this forever. As long as I am happy, right?

Happy New Year

Dear Diary,

I am spending the new year at home with fever, cough and flu. The road trip and work have taken its toll on me. Never mind.

I do not have any new year's resolution but I know I want to get my business started this year. Pray for me Diary.